Prolonging the inevitable
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I love updates on this site. I’m glad you are choosing to prioritize yourself and your daughter, LW. I’m sure with time things will feel easier, too. Good luck!
Thank you. While I was in this relationship, I neglected the few friendships I had. Now I feel completely alone as I’m not close to my family either. My now “ex” still living at our apartment but he will me moving out in a week or so. I feel okay at times but there are other times when I simply feel sad and so alone. I’m in counseling and I’m trying to get out when possible. I’ve been through something similar before; however, this is the first time I’m going through this away from family (I moved back with my parents during the last breakup). I’d appreciate any encouragement right now.
Call your friends and apologize. Tell them you made terrible choices and you hope they can forgive you for being distant. Volunteer one day a week or one day a month. You’ll meet new people, and generally speaking, people who volunteer are pretty nice (I mean, some are awful, but most are pretty nice).
One day at a time.
My worst breakup was in my 20s at a point where I was moving around a bit for work… I had no real support system nearby and I know how much that sucks. I recommend the following:
– Reach out to the friends you neglected. Apologize. True friends will understand and still be in your corner.
– Reach out to good friends who don’t live nearby. My biggest supporter during the breakup I referenced was a good, trusted friend who lived in a different country.
– Find ways to add to your life. I say this as someone who is childfree and spends her time doing exactly what she wants when she wants, but volunteering, signing up for class or workshop, or picking up a new hobby are all great options. Especially if there’s a social component to it. Creative pursuits are supposed to have similar benefits to meditation. Maybe as a parent you can sign up for something with your daughter or be involved with her school or something.
– Take good care of yourself physically. Eat well, move your body, get some fresh air and sunshine when you can. Or, at least, do your best. I know sometimes sadness can knock us down to the point where it’s hard to do the things we know we should do to feel our best, but as long as you’re trying.
– It sounds like you’re still living together(?), but I really recommend going no contact as soon as you are able.
– Stay in therapy.Breakups are really hard, but it gets easier. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and giving yourself grace during through the difficult moments. Good luck!
When you’re feeling down give yourself a small task to accomplish. It can be as simple as writing down one good thing that happened that day. Or one success that you had. It doesn’t have to be a big success. Something as simple as doing the laundry or paying a bill is a success. Shit, just getting out of bed (or making your bed) can be an accomplishment. You can rejoice in the small things.
Thank you both for your advice! I truly appreciate it. He is still living here but will start moving on this Sunday. 🙂 It’s already been a couple of weeks and most days are okay, some are not so great but I think I’m getting through it! I have been getting myself to the gym most days lately so I think that helps. I’ve already been through two other breakups in the last 10 years so that’s another thing I’m working on figuring out. 😅
Do you go from relationship to relationship? How long had it been since you’ve seen your friends? If you can swing it, it might be really good for you to see a therapist, even just for a few months. Maybe you should wait a time before you cohabitate with a man until you really trust him.
Think about your daughter. She’s getting older now, and doesn’t miss a thing. Take it slower and take it more careful next time. Your time
One of your relationship and they way you say you felt about him…you shouldn’t have moved in. Or he moved in, or whatever. It’s your duty to set a good example for her and keep her safe and stable. That doesn’t mean don’t date or never move in, but take it slower next time.I don’t feel like I go from relationship to relationship. There’s usually at least a one year gap between my relationships, which means that they last about 2.5 years. 😳 I’ve lived with all 3 now that I think about it. So there’s definitely a pattern… of me choosing the wrong guys and maybe self-sabotaging? Either way, they’re not right for me. If they were, things wouldn’t end I’m sure…. But maybe I am contributing to the end of these relationships. I am glad I’ve done with the last two… this last one was better in ways but it obviously didn’t bring out the best in me either. :/
You said your child is nine and you’ve had three major relationships and mentioned dates of this one, so it seems like there’s not much time between the relationships the way this is written. My mistake, but yeah seem like a pattern and would be good to unravel in therapy.
Ask your friends for feedback, they probably see patterns if they’ve been your friends for long.
