Relationship/ parent advice
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I’m unsure how to begin but wondering if some unbiased advice may help me, I have a 12 year old son and have been with my current partner for 5 years now, recently I have discovered he has been misusing pain medication after being prescribed for an injury, he promised he would get help for this and I want to stand by him. However I have notified his mood change over the past year, we recently went on vacation and my son mentioned that his step dad was ‘moody’
Am I being a bad mum staying with my partner when my son is now noticing his moods? It seemed like an effort for him to be there. There have been other times where he has not been taking any medication etc and still appeared to be in a mood, but says that he is really happy loves us more than anything etc and couldn’t live without us daily so I don’t think he’s unhappy in the relationship- but at times I feel he gets really easy annoyed at my son and it just gets my back up. I don’t know if this will get better and am worried that whilst I wait to find out it’s harming my son as I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable ever – sorry for the ramble it’s hard to explain your life in a short summary but any advice would be appreciatedI think you should take a step back and try a trial separation. Is there anywhere you or your son can stay in the interim while this sorts itself out? Friends or family? Addiction is a really tough issue and you want to support your partner but you also need to put your child first. Is this person actively seeking support or is he just making broken promises? at 12 your son is old enough to know the truth that step dad has an addiction problem is working through it and you two will try to support him. But step dad has to be not crossing the line of abuse and actively working on his addiction. Consider talking to your doctor or a therapist to gain more insight. Only stay and support your partner if he actively trying to get better.
I think if your partner has an addiction to painkillers and is making false promises of treatment/help, you need to take that seriously. Something like this is likely to get worse, not better, without proper intervention. You should be prioritizing the wellbeing of your son. You should be prioritizing yourself as well.
Yeah, this is a huge issue. Your son is picking up and learning from everything you do and model in relationships in front of him. You choose this drug addicts moods over your son’s wellbeing, now? When did you find out about the pills? He’s misusing opioids and hasn’t gotten treatment, his moods are shit and to the point where a teen boy is complaining, despite the fallout. Yeah, you need to treat this incredibly seriously. Dump the 5 year nothing much good was written about him and spend time with your boy, he’ll see you prioritizing him and YOURSELF over this moody pill popper, and he’ll remember that.
I think it’s good you don’t want your son to be uncomfortable. Because he shouldn’t be in his own home, as you’ve noticed. Talk to your partner and if he doesn’t get serious about getting help, I’d leave him.
