Hey, guys. TacoTuesday here.

I want to clear up some things.

I *did* move out over a year ago. The reason why my IP address is close to my first one is because I only moved 45 minutes away, what I could afford to do at the time. I’ve made big strides in trying new things, meeting new people, and so much healing this past year. I might move further in the future.

A couple of weeks ago, when spending time with my mom, she asked me why I’ve been becoming distant. I’ve been calling my parents a lot less, usually once a month. When they call, it’s rare I answer their calls; we only infrequently text.

So, I admitted to her that there are a number of things she and my father have done over the years that are baffling to me. The never socializing us while being homeschooled. My dad choosing to reunite with my half-brother when he found out he was in jail, but kicking out his daughters for nothing and calling them out their names. I told her I think my dad resents my half-siblings. I mentioned a couple of other things that bothered me about their parenting.

My mom…I know she loves me to death. But her response confirmed how oblivious she’s been. She was genuinely 100% shocked we were isolated, even mentioned some sport my brother joined as “proof” of his socialization when he actually stopped attending at 4 years old and wasn’t in anything since. The questions she asked smh…”So you think he’s some social misfit now? You think your dad resents his kids?” I asked her directly would she do to me how they kicked my sisters out, and she said no, and I asked why she did that to them, she said, “Well, they didn’t want to be here anyway.”

She was still open, reflective, very teary, but still, so oblivious. A couple of days later we went to see a movie, and she asked the question I know she would: “So have you been talking to your half-siblings lately?” Not only have I not, but I know my mom+dad would see my comments as my siblings “putting things in my head” and turning me away from them.

I kinda regret being honest with her, but I only did it to get it off my chest because the distancing has been noticeable. I don’t expect nor want an apology or explanation…there’s really none that can be given.

And so, none of us have called each other for the past two weeks. Just my mom texting every now and then. I don’t see the point in attending Christmas, but obviously that’s something I have to say before it arrives. And I don’t know how to say it either. Especially when I call, it will no doubt lead to the conversation my mom and I had some time ago, my dad confronting me about it and…

It’s like after trying to slowly back out their lives, now I’m being pushed to a place to say verbally and finally, “I want nothing to do with you anymore.”

I’m willing to go no-contact with my dad (but still, how to say that) and stay in limited contact with my mom.