Talking to a married man, am I wrong?
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I don’t think that responding to text messages is taking up so much of his time that he can’t focus on his relationship with his wife. Chatting with someone is wasting time? I don’t think that chatting with him, especially if it’s not flirtatious or about his wife, is really inappropriate.
Also:
“From then on our conversations have been on snapchat. We’ve talked almost everyday since and usually throughout the whole day (must add we’ve only been talking for a little less than two months).”
???
You came on here because you started feeling it was inappropriate. You know it’s wrong. It IS wrong. The onus isn’t only on him, here. He’s being a shitty husband, and you’re being a shitty person by trying to make a companion out of someone else’s husband. Are you really this lonely? If getting sexual isn’t the end game for you, what is? What are you really getting out of this?
Chatting with someone ALL day is a huge distraction from work and his life. If you can seriously say that texting with someone all day isn’t a distraction…why did you even write in?
This is a waste of your time. That’s what it is. And if ghosting him is so beneath your moral standard, go on and tell him it’s starting to feel weird and you need to self preserve and back away.
You’ve said that your conversations are innocent and totally fine; then you say that your conversations are only ok because they’re in an “open” marriage… Which is it. Either you think your conversations and the amount of time you spend chatting is fine or you don’t.
You shouldn’t be so emotionally invested with a stranger you met online. The fact that you think this will keep you from opening up to anyone ever again (oh my!) makes me think you should be speaking to a counselor instead of this stranger.
You want him to be your companion? Don’t try to turn another woman’s husband into your companion. He’s probably fading because he realizes you’re taking this wayyyyyyyyy too seriously and are too invested in what he probably hoped would be a light hearted easy distraction.
I went back to re-read your original post. First, he’s probably distancing himself because he realized this wasn’t appropriate for him since he’s married. I don’t think you have a good understanding of what open marriages are, so I’d recommend you read a couple of articles about it. As I said before, open marriages don’t mean “anything goes.” There are typically specific guidelines couples have for what’s OK and what isn’t. Talking about your marriage to the other person is most likely not OK. Aside from that, what you had going on is not sustainable. People can’t spend all day chatting with someone they aren’t in a relationship with. They just can’t. They have other things to do.
Second, I feel like you’re changing your story when you get pushback. You say you have no romantic goals, but you said previously you’re starting to get feelings for him. If you’re having intimate conversations with someone you have feelings for who cannot be with you, then it’s an extremely bad idea to continue deepening the friendship with them.
Also, you asked us if it was wrong or not, and people answered. You may think that we don’t “get it” because we gave you the answer you don’t want, but changing the details is not going to make people change their answers.
Yeah we do get it. Yes him texting you and snapchatting you takes away from his marriage because of the nature of your conversations with him. If he is a struggling in his marriage, he has two options: divorce or marital counseling. Or individual counseling if his wife won’t go.
Confiding in a stranger(you) isn’t going to fix his marriage. He knows that. You know that. So cut it off. Meet someone in real life who isn’t single and who isn’t in an “open” marriage.
I don’t think he’s fading because he suddenly decided that this was becoming improper or because he thought she was taking it waaay to seriously. I think that he decided his talk of open marriage and his wife hadn’t pushed her in the direction of an in-person physical relationship and that he would have better luck fishing in other waters. Whether or not his relationship really is open or not, he seems to be fishing for a new side piece, if that isn’t going to be LW, he’ll continue the search elsewhere.
Yeah, I think it’s giving him a lot of credit to say he’s fading because he saw the error of his ways. He much more likely simply got bored.
I understand everyones point and I’m not saying that everyone is wrong. I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t want others opinion. What I think and know is inappropriate is him talking to me about the issues in his marriages and intimate details. 100% I’m not trying to argue that. Now as far as our other conversations go, thats where I wanted to know whether or not it was right. Our conversations (other than his marital issues) in my opinion, have been fine. I think they were friendly, and harmless. All of our conversation hasn’t been about his wifes issues, that was only a small fraction of it and that was for one night.
Yes I said I have feelings for him, but I also said I’m not sure what those feelings are. I understand that I because I’ve never met him, these feelings are for a person that i’ve created in my head. I’m not saying that he’s the love of my life, or anything even close to that. I was obviously exaggerating when I said I wont open up to anyone ever again, cmon really? How dumb do you think I am?
Texting literally takes 2-5 minutes out of your day? I would confidently say that he hasn’t distracted me from my day to day life and I’m still able to focus on my work and my life. I appreciate everyones input, and I respect what everyone is saying.Just because I have feelings, doesn’t necessarily mean I have any “romantic goals”. If you’re assuming that I would become his mistress, you’re very wrong because I wouldn’t do that. Seriously I’m not trying to hate myself.. Is it so wrong to want a friend? Thats all our conversations have been- friendly. I have nothing to gain from lying, so I would admit if it ever got to anything more than that, and it hasn’t. My goal is not to meet up with him and “steal” him, or even sleep with him. Not at all. Is it not possible to have only friendly intentions?
Did anyone say you wanted to be his mistress? I think clearly you don’t. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to be his mistress.
Yes, his discussions with you likely were fine, until he started talking about his wife and marriage and open marriage. All of that taken together was a crossing of lines, which can’t be uncrossed to circle back and resume the innocent, friend conversations you previously had. He escalated beyond that. I think you didn’t respond as he hoped you would and that this caused him to lose interest, because he wanted more than just electronic age pen pals. It’s like he was saying to you ‘yes, technically I’m married, but that shouldn’t make me off-limits because open marriage, wife has problems, marriage has problems…
