Uncle/father UPDATE! Test has been done!!
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Canada Goose — Unless you’ve taken the time to read the whole exchange, I don’t think your expert opinion is worth all that much — you don’t understand the situation, especially the level of raw hatred the grandmother has for the young mother and the degree of selfish indifference for the welfare of her grand-daughter as she seeks to use her as a tool to fix her son. The son isn’t in prison. He also isn’t working.
Ruby I didn’t intend to watch but my husband started on Netflix and now I’m hooked. The funny thing is a new one came on also called Lock Up but it wasn’t the American one it was a one off done in Australia at Casuarina in WA. It was funny to see the differences, the warden bloke was talking about rehabilitation and treating the prisoners with dignity and you see the indigenous prisoners being allowed to have a traditional roo tail cook out and connect with their culture. The funniest part though was the American man who’d been done for drug running. He was sentenced in Aus and refused to go back to the US with prisoner exchange because he knew he had it much better here. All that was interspersed with footage of him happily baking cakes completely unsupervised, reading, pottering about like a little old retiree lol.
CanadaGoose, I understand you have to justify and believe in your job.
Most of us know that a drug addicted criminal parent is not fit to raise an innocent child.
Most of us know that a drug addicted criminal parent is not fit to raise an innocent child.
And, frankly, the point you’re missing, CanadaGoose — and the point that, to me, is the most important aspect of this, and why I personally am harsh to this LW — is that her son has already indicated that he is aware that he is unfit to raise this child at this time, and he’s not asking to be involved in the child’s life. He and the mother of the child have agreed upon it. And now the grandmother is demanding that he do so, and is frankly heavily inferring that she would condition her support for his recovery on his compliance, which as you’re well aware is completely counter-productive to his sobriety and stability.
It’s not her child. It’s just not. And nothing upsets me more as a lawyer who regularly takes cases like this in juvenile and family court than to see grandparents trying to claim that “they know better than the parents.” It reeks of condescension. And, honestly, this LW doesn’t want the child to SUPPORT the child; she wants the child so she can “start fresh,” so she can SAY she has the child. That’s disgusting to me. Again, the presumed parents — and by that I mean the mother and the son who has been identified as the father — have agreed on the healthiest way to raise the child for the time being, and she needs to honor that whether she likes it or not. The fact that she won’t is harmful to the child, and it’s inexcusable. Period. Point blank.
I’ve been reading through the comments and I’m astonished at how people are judging me. My son has a right to his daughter. He is a good person who has made mistakes. As soon as he gets a job, he’s planning on paying the mother child support. I’ve tried calling the mother but she will not answer her phone. I’m trying my best to put aside my feelings of resentment toward her. My son is still talking to her and he’s told me that she still insists on having another paternity test. She believes that my son that passed away is the father. She’s in denial to the fullest extent. I’m not trying to use my grandchild as a tool to help my son stay sober although I do hope that this finally helps him to grow up. My son has been emotional over this and has told me how much he already loves her. It makes my heart full to see him already talk about her. You can see in his eyes how proud he is to find out he’s a father. What’s so wrong with that?
Tiffani, have you found a grief counselor yet? Have you looked for one?
That’s what you should be doing.
Listen. A child can NOT help him become the man he needs to be. Having a child doesn’t make you better sober and stay away from drugs. A child is NOT a tool. I think it’s best if the two of you stay away. You cost her a hundred of dollars just because you wanted to use this child as a way to cure your son.
You said your son’s friends are what lead him down to where he is. That’s not true. Your actions are your own, your choices are your own.
You can blame the friends but your son picked those friends. Those were the people who appealed to him. Even if you blame the friends you still have to blame your son for picking the bad friends and keeping the bad friends. No one could make him do anything. He chose to do the things that got him into trouble.
Agree on blaming friends. I have been with “friends” before and they started doing drugs. I left. Period. No thanks. Actually my friend who knew i wasn’t comfortable with it actually called me a cab (pre uber) because he was a decent enough person to know that even though he was interested in this “party drug” i was not and was not comfortable. Friends don’t force friends and people chose to not do things that aren’t right.
Ted Bundy fathered a child while on death row. Your son should not be proud to be a father until he actually steps up and becomes one. Your sons were just sperm donors.
