Canada Goose has a good suggestion about keeping your own place. Wendy also has a list of factors to consider before moving in together (I believe). 2 factors I’d consider are: 1) How people behave is a better guide to their future behaviour than their stated intentions (‘talk is cheap’). 2) Insinuating that women are being irrational for expecting certain standards of cleanliness/food shopping, etc., is a way to shift the work onto them, whilst making sure they get no credit for doing the work or noticing it needs doing. Search the terms ‘mental load’ and ‘emotional labour’. So, talk to your boyfriend, but don’t start by saying, “you have to live neatly, or I won’t move in.” Instead, lower the stakes and tell him what you have noticed (the contrast in how is at home/alone vs. in front of ‘company’/others. Ask him what he supposes the reasons for this might be. The answer is not as important as getting him to think about the impact of his behaviour. Tell him how you choose to live, and how him being that considerate, thoughtful person is essential to you. Say, how can we fairly reconcile our different styles if we live together? (You need to nail down all the boring details like who does what, how often, what needs buying, who pays for what, etc.) it sounds like you would be moving into a small shared place together and your relationship and passion will die a death quickly if he doesn’t permanently mend his ways. (I say all this as a messy person who alters her behaviour).