“What is An Appropriate Amount of Texting in a New Relationship?”
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From a LW:
“I (F) have recently connected with an old flame (M) and we have agreed to take things slowly and see how it goes. After not having been in a relationship for six years, I find myself confused about how to go about messaging. I’m a big-time texter and like to chat on text, but I’m conscious that not everyone is. Is it too much to ask how his day was? Should I not text him unless he texts me in case I come on too strong? I find myself flailing about, confused on how to confirm dates once we’ve made an initial plan. Do I wait for him to do it or take the initiative and ask if we’re still on? I feel like a teenage girl about to go on her first date after having been out of the game so long. Help! — Old Flame, New Problem”
I think you kind of just have to take it slow and find the right groove. You’re texting too much if his responses are few and brief compared to your volume of messages. A person who’s interested and excited doesn’t leave you hanging. If you’re finding yourself doing all the reaching out, all the work to set up and confirm dates, then he’s not very interested and you should take a big step back and see if he takes a step forward. It sounds like you two are far from having defined anything, so I would say host see how this goes for a bit before having a talk about communication.
I would also say that unless he has a job where he can’t use his phone, you shouldn’t have to be reaching out to ask him how his day was. If there’s not sort of a natural back and forth and checking in, that indicates you’re not on the same page.
I guess the main thing is that if you’re both interested. you probably won’t have to worry about this stuff.
I agree with Kate here. Take things slowly and let him take the lead a bit on reaching out via text. If he isn’t reaching out and he isn’t confirming dates with you, that’s a sign of his interest level, and that’s good insight to have.
