Younger brothers out of state wedding 3 weeks before wifes due date
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Skyblossom really nailed it. Even if people are slapping you on the back encouraging you to go, when you walk away they are saying, “Can you believe Tom is risking missing his baby being born for this?” A wedding is a big deal, but not that big of a deal. Absolutely, your wife, her parents, your parents and family are you shocked and sad for her that you would even contemplate this.
“I hope I’m wrong, BGM. But I don’t see a lot of empathy from Tom toward his wife and what she’s thinking/feeling/afraid of”
My wife is not on this discussion board?
On page 2 I said I was sad about missing my brothers wedding. Before I made this post I already had agreed with her that I am not going.
So why post? Because you were angry and felt she was unreasonable for asking you to stay. You were looking for validation to go.
You don’t seem to have empathy for your wife because you considered her unreasonable in wanting you to stay home and didn’t make any mention of seeing why she would want you to stay. The only 2.5 hours from home made you look like the unreasonable one who was just grasping for an excuse to go.
I’m glad for the sake of you, your wife and your baby that you are planning to stay home. Conflicts happen and you have to prioritize. Life isn’t always fair when you have to make choices.
I think the only problem now is the fact that it sounds like you are resenting your wife because you can’t go to the wedding. You say you that you think she is being unreasonable, and it makes you sad that you are missing the wedding, and it sounds like you are getting peer-pressure from your family to go. So I guess I kind of feel bad for your wife when she doesn’t have the baby that weekend, and you mope around the house because you could have been at the wedding instead.
It is silly that you think that because her parents are going to be ready to go that it’s ok if you happen to miss the birth, so it does sound like that you are only going to not rock the boat, but if had the chance would rather be at the wedding.
I keep thinking, what if he went, and then like 2 hours before the wedding, his wife went into labor? And he rushed to the airport but couldn’t get on a flight for a couple more hours (if he’s lucky), then the plane gets stalled on the runway because of a thunderstorm or something, and by the time he gets home he’s missed the wedding AND the birth of his child. Man, that would suck!
Tom, I’m telling you, when you hear those first cries from your newborn baby, it will dwarf the disappointment you feel about missing the wedding. That was the most incredible, earth-shattering moment of my life – I don’t imagine anything else will ever come close.
@courtney89, I’d feel the same way. I’d feel super guilty about it. But there’s always that chance, I guess, no matter how low the odds are. BGM, I was also wondering whether this wedding had been planned for over a year or if it’s a more recent development.
It also sounds like you have a fear of missing out (the kids call it FOMO). Might be worthwhile to listen to this podcast episode from Note to Self about FOMO – the guest actually talks about a situation about the birth of his child as an example where he was going to miss out on something else and how he reframed it afterwards.
The episode is called “Go Ahead. Miss Out..”
https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/notetoself/notetoself122816_cms694850_pod.mp3I don’t have any resentment towards my wife. It’s just bad timing. I will try to skype in, or record a speech and have them play it at the wedding since I cannot be there.
I still am sad I am missing my brothers wedding. It’s only natural to feel that way. Am I going to mope around the house and be bitter about it, NO.
I appreciate the advice that everyone is giving.
My first thought was as Courtney89 and K have said… that I’d like to think I’d be cool with it. And I structured my first response as such. Then I deleted because I thought… I’ve never been pregnant. I have absolutely no idea how I’d feel and everyone here is right. This is an individual decision. The woman is already going through so many changes. If she is more comfortable having her husband with her, than that’s that. Decision made.
no thanks for that podcast.
Your over analyzing giving the lack of information or background about me, my character, my devotion, and love for my wife, my religious values, etc and basing it off one comment i made about “unreasonable”.
Everyone goes through situations in life and tries to better himself and look at things from someone else’s perspective. I’m not perfect and as humans we are imperfect beings.
Thanks again for all the advice!
Let’s revisit your first post, Tom.
“I’ll keep it simple. 2.5 hour flight. Can take an emergency flight back. Wife won’t let me go.”
What are we to glean from that? That you understand her concerns and are disappointed about missing a wedding, but will be a loving partner who respects her decisions?
Why on earth would we believe that, based on the bitterness coming through loud and clear in your original post?
“So why post? Because you were angry and felt she was unreasonable for asking you to stay. You were looking for validation to go.”
…maybe. But I think sometimes it’s just not obvious from first principles whether your partner is reasonable in making a demand of you. So he solicited the views of outsiders and saw that a lot other people feel strongly too.
