Younger brothers out of state wedding 3 weeks before wifes due date
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I think the tone and content of his post/replies probably affected the conversation more than anything. It’s not wrong to ask or to want to go to the wedding. But the post and first several replies focused only on him wanting to, saying his wife overreacted, and the stats and logic behind his decision. If he had written anything initially that had explicitly said that he understood her POV, was concerned about missing the birth or her feelings, etc., then I think he would have gotten more slack.
If you want strangers to respond as though you are compassionate and concerned, then you have to convey that in some form.
I dunno, I see 4 guys that wrote in in the past month: Matt P with the girlfriend who slept with a lot of guys, peraltro whose gf dumped him, screensinger the guy who had the chick freak out on him after sex, and, crap, I forgot the other one already, but everyone was pretty nice and generally took their side. No piling on. A lot of guys who get written in ABOUT get piled on in absentia, I guess.
Oh the other one was about why does she keep leaving me and coming back, posted by Wendy. Plus a fifth guy, Aaron (I’m guessing it was a guy) who wanted to know what to tell his dad about not going to church.
I agree in this letter there was piling on, but it all seemed to be from moms.
I have a hard time with the pile on thing, because essentially any post/letter where there is a common opinion that differs from what the LW believes seems like it could be considered a pile on. I think it’s a side effect of having a public forum where each person is allowed to post, no matter how many comments have already been posted.
And there are plenty of LWs who have gotten negative feedback from almost everyone who have gotten mean (but often hilarious) BGM comments too.
Actually, I thought Matt P. got a fairly rough ride. As for the others, it’s been pointed out to me that just because you can cite a few examples in your favour that doesn’t mean you are innocent of the charges. Also, I suppose I’m thinking more about when a guy writes in about, or comments on, something that is perceived to be, or is, an issue that particularly relates to women, such as pregnancy, rather than when a guy writes in in general.
I went back over a month, what do you want, a year? BGM literally said “lately.”
This Matt P letter reads to me like a run of the mill “this relationship is toxic, and since you can’t deal with what she did, you have to move on.” There aren’t even enough comments for it to be a pile-on. Someone like Jeanine30 got way more flak when she wrote in about her own sexual history.
http://dearwendy.com/topic/i-cant-come-to-terms-with-something-she-did-before-we-were-together/
I mean, I wrote in to the forums and got piled on. I’m a woman and it wasn’t about pregnancy or a super controversial topic. It’s not like I was a new commenter at the time or anything, it just happens. Anecdote isn’t data, but it’s certainly not just men or not just newcomers.
(This is a general comment, not about this thread in particular) I do think that there tends to be more piling on when it’s someone (anywhere on the gender spectrum really) who writes in and pretty much just wants to be told they’re right or have others back up their view. So many times I’ve seen the LW get defensive and fight back at whatever they don’t want to hear regardless of tone and that’s when the pile-on really starts. If the LW writes in and demonstrates that they’re open to ideas, it seems to me that it goes better regardless of topic.
That’s right, or when they keep replying “but whyyyyyy,” or they’re just wacky like Sarah b and start threatening people.
I don’t think there are enough cases of a man writing in about something that’s unique to women, like pregnancy or periods, to draw conclusions, but I don’t think they’d get piled on unless they were being insensitive about it or had the wrong understanding and women who’ve been through it are eager to set them straight. If a woman wrote in about ED, she’d probably get the same reaction if she was being insensitive or wrongheaded about it. Otherwise I think people would just tell her their experiences with ED.
Ohhh, I think I know what BGM was thinking of, the Wendy letter on the main page about the engagement ring (I was only looking at forum posts). A lot of people thought the LW made bad decisions and said so, while others thought he was a good friend, and so there was debate. Plus, anytime engagement rings come up, you know the discussion will go on and on.
I personally was bitchy on that letter, maybe even as bitchy as BGM often is. I think I was day drunk and it was my last day in Cabo before going back to freezing weather and the holidays. But that LW is a longtime regular and it didn’t scare him off.
Piling on only happens when the LW pushes back because they aren’t hearing the advice they want. Otherwise, it’s called consensus.
I bet Tom regrets using the word unreasonable. And casting the wife as the villain for “not letting him go”. His subsequent posts seem to indicate he’d be sad about missing the wedding but not resentful. That’s good… but I’m not sure he got there without a little help.Is this your first baby? I do realize every pregnancy is different, but the the first one is extra scary. You really don’t know what to expect. I was 3 weeks early for my first baby. My husband was at work and couldn’t leave. Poor thing got there hours later. Luckily our son hadn’t come yet. My best friend drove me to the hospital.
My second came on time. I was much older, so I knew what to expect. Well guess what- had to have an emergency C-section. You know never know what can happen. You need to be there. It’s your kid too.
