Younger brothers out of state wedding 3 weeks before wifes due date
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What Red is saying is it doesn’t really matter what the odds are, whether it’s a 1% or 90% likelihood of the baby being born that weekend, or of complications with the pregnancy. It matters how his wife feels. They are about to become parents. Part of being a parent is prioritizing the well-being of your partner and child ahead of all others.
Red, most women may know what the risks are, but I don’t. That is why I was asking, “After what point in a normal pregnancy is it wrong for the man to go out of town?”
Dino, it would be very big deal for me to have missed either of my brothers’ weddings. Especially now that one of them is gone, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. It would take something like the birth of my child to justify it and even then, while it would be the right decision, I would very much regret having to make it. To some people missing a sibling’s wedding may be no big deal, but not to me. different people put different weight on these events, I guess.Exactly Vathena. It’s not about the odds or if it actually happens that weekend. It’s about her well-being.
I offered you something you asked for in exchange for a charitable donation to a human rights organization. That’s pro bono work.
“After what point in a normal pregnancy is it wrong for the man to go out of town?”
After the point where the woman feels stressed or uncomfortable about the absence, especially for elective travel (not necessarily business trips or military deployment).
My husband was on the last day of an international business trip 5 weeks before my due date, when I had my initial symptoms of complications and was sent to the hospital. I was frantic because he was on a plane and I couldn’t reach him. Not awesome. If we were having another (we’re not), my inclination would be to say 6 weeks out from the due date, max.
For me I’d probably be ok with anytime before 36 weeks. That’s the point at which they tell women not to fly because for a normal birth it could be coming anytime. Thankfully I never had to test it as my husband didn’t have any travel he had to do in the last few months before the birth.
I posed your initial post to my husband and asked him if he would go to the wedding. He thought for maybe 3 seconds before saying no.
Yes, odds are that she won’t give birth or have anything major happen during the 2 days you’d be gone for your brother’s wedding. BUT it’s important to her that you be reasonably close just in case. Because even if the likelihood is small, if she does develop any sort of complication, it could go very bad very fast. Pregnancy is a vulnerable time and your wife wants your support.
You’ve said you won’t go if she’s not on board with it. That’s good. It’s completely understandable for you to feel disappointed about missing the wedding. The problem comes when you let that disappointment turn into resentment against your wife (like saying she’s unreasonable). If you stay home and those days pass uneventfully, are you going to pout and complain and say “I told you so”? If you can’t say sincerely, “I’m sad about missing the wedding, but we’re a team and I’m here for you,” then, you need to reevaluate your priorities.
“What Red is saying is it doesn’t really matter what the odds are, whether it’s a 1% or 90% likelihood of the baby being born that weekend, or of complications with the pregnancy. It matters how his wife feels.”
This just isn’t true. If his wife had a sincere but irrational terror of him leaving at 12 weeks I think that people here would have different opinions. The fact that 37 weeks is pretty far along and that she is *justified* in being worried is part of this.
“I offered you something you asked for in exchange for a charitable donation to a human rights organization. That’s pro bono work.”
Kate, we appreciate all of your hard work editing but I am worried that you are becoming too involved in trying to fix their problems.
