@Fyodor, I think that statement was meant to apply specifically to this situation, where she WILL be at 37 weeks.

I agree with Red. If the wife wouldn’t be cleared to fly then that’s the outside limit. Stats really don’t matter if you are the 1% it happens to. I had a no symptoms of my complication. Super rare. I was totally fine in the morning. And then I was told a few hours later that if I left the hospital to pack a bag for my ordered bed rest my baby could die (in those words – I had a doctor with the bedside manner of House). That would have been hard to deal with on my own if my husband wasn’t with me. Women deal with a lot during pregnancy – what to eat – what not to do – what could go wrong – how to avoid anything that potentially could hurt the baby. It’s stressful. You’re anxious. If a husband could shoulder some of that for his wife – shouldn’t he?

Bacc and Tom —

My initial note was extremely brief, so I’ll elaborate. This has nothing to do with the odds an obstetrician would give for early birth/complications. Presumably Tom and his wife made a joint decision to try to add a child to their family. This project is a joint effort. Tom has by far the easier part. He’s not carrying an internal bowling ball around, having discomfort, difficulty urinating, constipation, worries about each feeling that might seem possibly a little bit off. She has all of that. That’s the hard part, as is childbirth.

Tom’s part is to be as supportive and reassuring as possible. Tom doesn’t need to know anything more than that his wife will feel safer and more comforted if he is close at hand during the final month of her pregnancy, when she is in the most discomfort, least able to handle everything in her life solo, and possibly most worried. This pregnancy was to be a joint adventure. Now she worries that you might not be there at the end of the adventure, might not be there when she is greatly in need of you, value your brother’s wedding over this joint adventure and your commitment to her, and your ability to help quell whatever fears she has.

You could guilt her into giving you the answer you seek, but that would be selfish. Your pals can tell you that it doesn’t matter. She’s got the beach ball and will be uncomfortable wherever she is and with or without you, so why not take the very small risk of missing the birth of your child and allowing your wife to share this moment with you and enjoy your brother’s wedding.

The only thing that matters is that your wife will feel better if you are close at home during this time when she is feeling very vulnerable.

When you decided to have a baby, did you warn your wife that you were in this together, unless there is a wedding you want to attend? She might also want to attend the wedding, but she isn’t physically able to do so.

“This just isn’t true. If his wife had a sincere but irrational terror of him leaving at 12 weeks I think that people here would have different opinions. The fact that 37 weeks is pretty far along and that she is *justified* in being worried is part of this.” Yes, exactly. Baccalieu was asking for medical probabilities for this situation, and I was saying it doesn’t matter; his wife’s discomfort and stress should be reason enough.

I would have a different opinion at 12 weeks, but as Redessa pointed out, pregnancy is a vulnerable time. My best friend had two miscarriages last year and is currently 5 weeks pregnant, so she’s in a high risk category with weekly OB monitoring. Her husband travels frequently for work and I know they’ll both be worried every time he’s away. I’m sure she won’t want him traveling after about 34 weeks.