Younger brothers out of state wedding 3 weeks before wifes due date
- This topic has 170 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Since none of the dumb women here are doctors, WebMD says don’t travel by air at 36 weeks plus, which she would be. And it says stay within 300 miles of home for your whole third trimester “in case of sudden changes that need medical attention.” A 2.5 hour flight is way more than 300 miles. It takes 2 hours to get from Chicago to Boston. Or 2.5 to 3 from Dallas to Boston.
I think it’s *reasonable* to say that those guidelines are given to pregnant women by doctors, and that they exist for good reasons that would extend to their male partners for the purposes of being around.
And since someone will want to go there: what if Dad has a job? That requires him to take business trips? That are more than 300 miles away? Should he not travel at all during Mom’s third trimester? I’d say it depends. We all know how awesome US companies are with being flexible for dads. So maybe he still has to travel but can cut it down to what’s absolutely necessary. And Mom may be worried and stressed when he’s away. After she’s 36 weeks, I think there would be a good case for him to tell work he can’t be out of town. If she had a complicated pregnancy, or had one last time, then definitely, no work travel. That’s reasonable.
Why has your brother already purchased a ticket for you? Either you’ve lied to him and told him you already decided to go or your brother is trying to manipulate your decision. When you are married you don’t make major decisions with your brother instead of with your wife. Leave the free ticket entirely out of your decision because that ticket shouldn’t exist. I have to wonder if your brother hates your wife and is hoping to break you up.
When you make this decision you are balancing your brother against your wife. Who is more important, your brother or your wife? Who is a higher priority, your brother or your wife? Who needs you most, your brother or your wife?
What I hear you saying is that you are willing to risk missing the birth of your child to attend the wedding which means you are willing to miss the birth of your child. If I was your wife and I was hearing that coming from you I would already be losing respect for you. It means you are valuing your brother more highly than your wife and prioritizing your brother more highly than your wife. Sometimes when you realize something about a person’s values and priorities it profoundly changes the way you view them and think about them and feel about them. If you go you are willing to abandon your wife at a time when she may need you the most. There is no way that you going won’t harm your marriage.
You saying that it is only a 2.5 hour flight away is your trying to trivialize how far away you really want to be at a time when your wife may easily go into labor and is in no sense the real time it would take to get back. You are either naive because you’ve never flown or being purposely stupid and mean.
When women go into labor naturally, meaning not induced, it usually happens during the night. I have two children and went into labor during the night with both of them. In general, a natural labor is faster than an induced labor because the body is ready for labor and delivery. The cervix has ripened and begun to dilate and that cuts hours off of labor. My first labor was six hours and the second one hour. Both were born before their due date. My son eight days early and my daughter about two weeks early. Until you are in labor you don’t know when labor you will happen. You certainly can’t guarantee that it won’t happen.
If you think that having her mom take her to the hospital is equal to you taking her to the hospital you either don’t think much of yourself or you don’t intend to be of much support during labor.
I can assure that most of the women who know you will think much less of you if you go. You will lose their respect and the respect of many men. It says something profound about you when you are willing to leave your wife when she may need you the most. If you care about what people think and say about you then you don’t go and you don’t whine or pout about not going. You act like a man who has a wife and a baby on the way. People will talk about you and it will be ugly. That’s human nature.
@Kate My husband was able to avoid travel during the last two months of both pregnancies. No one pushed him to go. He came home and told me that he wouldn’t be traveling again until the baby was born and he did that without me asking or hinting that he do that. He thought of it and did it on his own.
Can the “men” on this site please take their heads out of their asses?
Why in the world would you want to miss the birth of your child in the first place? How stupid can you be to see not only are there health risks involved but you are needed for both physical and mental support.
@bittergaymark, you need to remove your Princess Leia earmuffs and actually listen to what the women here are saying here. Surely, Carrie Fisher will come down and cut your balls off with a light saber if she hears you speaking towards women in this manner.
@Tom One other thing to keep in mind. If the baby is born with something seriously wrong and a medical team grabs the baby and runs through the hospital with it the father is the parent that runs through the halls with that team and his baby. He is there for the testing and he is there to sign permission for procedures for his baby. The mother of the baby is still laying there being sewn up and packed in ice. She is in no shape to run through the hospital with the team caring for the baby. It happens. It happened to very good friends of ours. Some birth defects or problems aren’t obvious before birth. If the father isn’t there then someone must go back to the mother’s room each time they need permission and time is wasted each time that happens.
You need to own this decision. This is a decision that you are making. You aren’t getting or not getting your wife’s permission. She has told you her opinion of what she wants you to do but the decision is yours. You will either make a decision and go or you will make a decision and stay. Don’t act like your wife is making your decision. Your posts made you sound like a whiny baby who is controlled by his wife and his older brother. Make a decision and own it as your decision.
@Skyblossom, we just attended the 4th birthday party of a child born blue and not breathing, rushed to the NICU, and his Dad was reminiscing about running alongside the neonatal team to stay with his son. So yes, that can easily happen too. And a grandparent (Tom, that’s your wife’s mom who you think is an adequate substitute for you) cannot be the one signing that paperwork.
It definitely happens and they really do run, as in sprint. If they decided the baby needs to be moved to a different hospital the mother can’t go until discharged and so it is the father that goes on to the next hospital and is there as the parent and guardian of the baby for one to two days before the mother can join them. It happened to my daughter’s elementary school principal and his wife. The baby was having trouble breathing and needed to be rushed to a different hospital. With our friends the baby was blue and not pinking up because he had a heart defect.
I was in a situation similar to this, except I was marrying the younger brother, and it was his older sister who was pregnant and due a week or so before our wedding. She was willing to move mountains to be there, but we told her the best present would be a happy, healthy niece or nephew. If it had been the older brother, our answer would have been the same. Stay with your wife, you don’t know what could happen.
We took a video of the ceremony for her and we all watched it together a few months later, it was great reliving everything with her. And I’ve been to weddings where they FaceTimed people into the reception. There are tech options out there.
Oh and insurance is a mess too. I think you get billed upfront and then the insurance companies have to sort out who pays for what. Who needs that on top of a newborn?
Oh yeah, for sure a pregnant woman should not be required to fly out of the country for work in third trimester. It may be more complicated with dads, because equality, but I can absolutely see the father-to-be agreeing with his boss that he won’t travel by air after 4 weeks before the due date. Or if it’s car travel, just short trips.
