Updates: “Dollars and Sense” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Dollars and Sense” who was thinking about moving in with her boyfriend of nine months but worried about their big difference in salaries (she makes more than three times what he makes). She wrote: “I think my main fear is that, as much as I love him, I’ll start resenting him once I’m paying a big chunk of his living expenses. Also, we will probably need to move out of the city center to find a place we can afford (since he won’t be able to contribute much rent money, and we want to find a place that’s bigger than my current apartment). […] Should we wait to move in together until he finishes school?” After the jump, find out what they decided to do.

Thank you for posting my letter, and thanks very much to everyone who commented and shared your words of wisdom! The reason it’s taken me so long to send an update is that my boyfriend and I took your advice and waited an extra few months before moving in together. Knowing that we weren’t in a hurry took a lot of the pressure off and allowed things to progress naturally (instead of progressing according to an apartment contract!)By the time we celebrated our one-year anniversary in late August he was spending about five nights a week at my place, and it was just getting to be kind of silly for him to go back to his parents’ house (about 45 minutes away by bus and train) every few days to get clean clothes or a book he needed. Thus, his official ‘moving in’ ended up involving only very small changes to our already-established routine. The main thing was that we set up a little office area, both so that he has a place to work on his thesis and also so that a part of the apartment could become ‘his.’

As far as the money discrepancies that worried me so much a few months ago, the financial situation hasn’t changed much but my attitude definitely has. While he’s not currently able to contribute money for rent, my boyfriend pays half the bills and does most of the work around the house — dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc. We never really discussed the arrangement, which sort of arose on its own, but we both seem satisfied. Overall, I just love waking up with him every morning, and who pays for what doesn’t seem so important anymore.

We’d also expected to move to a bigger apartment this fall (ie. now!), but since everything is going so well in our tiny little home we’ve decided to put the move on hold. I think we figure that if we can be so happy together in 30 sqm, there’s no hurry to look for something else (which would undoubtedly mean moving out of the city center we love). Then again, maybe he just doesn’t want a bigger house to clean — just kidding!! 😉

Thanks for the update. You made a wise decision and I’m glad everything is working out so well for you!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

9 Comments

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this is a perfect example of taking a step back and just letting things unfold. Usually, by giving things some time, the answers becomes very clear.

I’m so glad everything turned out so well for the both of you!

Love the metric update.

I love it when we get good updates. And people who took the good advice offered.

Best of luck to you and your bf!

Living together in a relationship is such a beautiful thing, when the two are in love and getting along. Waking up next to your love ranks in my top 3 things I love to do.

This is awesome! Congrats!

Funny thing about space, the more you have the less considerate you have to be. When my then GF, now wife first go together we lived on my 41′ boat then to a condo. We really miss the boat, it was cozy and super easy to keep neat. There wasn’t enough room to allow anything out of place. Now we’ve go a big house on an acre of land and nothing is neat or tidy.

A large part of cementing a relationship is building your life goals together. Sounds to me you’re like doing just great.

I love updates!

I’m glad it has worked out so well for you and your boyfriend.

Ruby says:

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I love updates too!
This is a good one! 🙂

Reply

I am so glad to hear that his company ended up meaning more to you than his money. That’s a great foundation to build a relationship upon. It means that if the chips are down you two will still have each other. Good luck to you in the future!