Updates: “Moving Away from a Friend”

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Moving Away from a Friend” who wasn’t crazy about her best friend’s boyfriend and wondered whether she could get away without having to hang out with him before she moved 1000 miles away in four months. Keep reading to see how she reacted to your advice.

Thanks so much for publishing my letter. Also, many thanks to your community for their feedback. I knew I’d be facing a tough crowd, but I needed honest opinions. I can never say it enough, but Leah really is one of the best people I know. She’s smart, funny, driven, and an incredibly open person. The man she settles down with, whether it is Brian or not, will be incredibly lucky.I can’t remember which posters said it (so many did), but the commenters who described the situation as “petty” and “judgmental” are right. I made judgments about Brian based on what Leah told me, and vice versa. I don’t think Leah was trying to be an instigator, but you can’t take back something after it’s been said. I bare sole responsibility for my part in creating unnecessary B.S. drama.

After I sent the letter, we actually went out with a group of friends and had a great time. Brian and I may never be BFFs, but I can respect a man who knows how to play Centipede.

To clear up some confusion, I didn’t distance myself from Leah for having a one-night-stand. A couple years ago Leah got drunk and went home with some guy. The night ended with her locked in a bathroom calling her brothers for help. She never told me anymore details than this, but I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she put herself in a similarly dangerous position. Still, I need to respect her decisions.

I still have my fingers crossed for my dream job. Right now I work for a small clinic while I finish my M.A. in Audiology. I’m really looking forward to a possible move. I don’t know if we’ll survive a LDF, but I’m grateful for the good times we’ve shared.

Also, if you’ve never tried quiche, you really should. They’re super simple to make and really filling. — Moving Away from a Friend

I love quiche, and just made two kinds last weekend! Thanks for the update and best of luck to you!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

5 Comments

Whoa, an update where the LW acknowledged their mistakes and respected our input, even though it was probably less than kind at times?

I’m equal parts proud of and happy for you. Glad to read this update.

Indeed, a very mature update. Congrats. LW. On being so level headed.

Yay LW!

This statement “I made judgments about Brian based on what Leah told me, and vice versa. I don’t think Leah was trying to be an instigator, but you can’t take back something after it’s been said.” made me think . . .

There are so many times where I’m sure I’ve unintentionally poisoned a person’s perception of another person because I needed to vent. The people I vent about are usually great people and have so many redeeming qualties, but he or she might have a quirk that really gets under my skin and I’ll vent. Let me qualify by saying I usually only vent to my sister or my mom. They might think that person sucks, because I only talk about that one negative quality and not the million good qualities. Unfortunately, I’m not perfect and it happens. That could have been what Leah was doing, LW, and I’m glad you were able to see past that.

bethany says:

at

This happens a LOT, so don’t think you’re the only one! I think it’s a good example of the whole “You don’t ever really know what happens in another person’s relationship” thing, because you only ever know what someone tells you, and it might not fully represent the whole situation.

Reply