Updates: “Not a Charity Case” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Not a Charity Case” whose sister basically ignored her save for a drop-by visit to her house every few months wherein she would shove money at the LW. “I lost my job two years ago, but we are by no means struggling financially. I want her to understand that she can’t leave money at my house. I don’t need the money and it makes me feel like a charity case. I am at my wit’s end!” Keep reading to see if the sister has finally stopped leaving money at the LW’s house.

I spent the summer sending the occasional text or leaving a voice mail telling my sister I was thinking of her, hadn’t heard from her, was hoping she was okay. A couple of weeks ago she rang my doorbell at lunch, so I fixed lunch, she stayed about thirty minutes and I found $20 in my bathroom after she left. I donated the money to the local animal shelter. The shelter sent her a note that money had been donated by me in her late husband’s name. A month later my brother ran into my husband at the mall. He told my husband my sister was furious that I donated the money and that, if she got mad at you, you would no longer be in her circle of people. He then told my husband that my sister “uses you for her present need and then throws you down like a dirty kleenex.” When I called her to try to talk this out, she hung up on me. This is the same crazy that my mother has lived all her life and evidently my sister is the same way. This ending was very sad for me. So, I am no longer a charity case.

I’m sorry to hear things ended sadly, and I hope there’s still a chance for a happier ending at some point. Thank you for your update!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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2 Comments

I’m still baffled by this. Half the family has disowned this LW, and baby sister is apparently nuts—yet I’m not sure why baby sister leaving money after a visit (and I have no idea why the LW didn’t just ASK her that instead of launching right into complaining or agreeing with brother that the sister was “using” her—using her how? Why? What?).

Baffling.

LW, look on the bright side: your sister is no longer driving you nuts by leaving money all over your house AND your down one source of drama in your life. Bonus: you helped shelter pets!

Seriously, as much as it sucks that she’s reacted this way, this is her problem, not yours and you’re better off without this level of … whatever it is… in your life.