Updates: “Tired of His Intrusive Mother” Responds
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Tired of His Intrusive Mother” who was tired of her boyfriend’s mother dropping by their place unannounced and snooping through their closets. She was upfront that they lived rent-free in a home owned by her boyfriend’s parents, but she didn’t think that meant they had to give up any of their privacy. Her boyfriend, unfortunately, didn’t understand why she was upset. Keep reading to see whether they’ve resolved this issue.
Short and sweet! Here’s to continued privacy and no parents invading your space.
***************
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
Did you move out because of the snooping? Does she still come over unannounced? Or was that only a problem when you had the roommate who would let her in (and now that there is no roommate, presumably, no one can let her in without you being there)? I’m just wondering.
Thanks for the update! It’s good you and your boyfriend are on the same page, no matter what page.
I’m less sanguine on the result. It’s good that the move resolves this specific problem, but bf’s fear to even raise the issue with his Mom (or alternatively with LW, if he believes his mother is in the right) is a very troubling sign going forward. LW can expect future different problems from bf’s mother going forward, if bf is afraid of any discussion/confrontation with her. Bf is not yet fully adult, and that is a problem.
To be fair, the boyfriend did tell the lw that he thought his mom was within reasonable boundaries because it was his mom’s house and they were living there for free. I think moving out was the way to go.
I agree. I don’t want to judge him too harshly without knowing what “afraid” meant. It may be that he wasn’t sure whether he had a right to say no to his mom when he didn’t pay rent, rather than just being afraid to bring up a tough topic.
Well, this one obviously wasn’t Addie’s letter. Hmm…
wait, wait, wait- ” it wasn’t right that his mom came over unannounced when the roommate was home”??? the roommate?? not you?? you still have to or would have to, theoretically, deal with this?
did he not understand/care why that whole thing was weird and uncomfortable for you? does he still not?? thats sooooo huge!!
Is this sarcasm? I’m seriously asking because I’m so bad at picking up on nuance.
no- not sarcasm! haha
im honestly worried if he wouldnt ever admit and/or be sympathetic to the fact that his girlfriend might want a different relationship with his mother then he has. she had to prove it was awkward for the *roommate*?? thats ridiculous.
gotcha
But the roommate was paying rent, and had a lease. LW and her boyfriend were living there for free. So as an actual tenant, roommate was the only person in this situation entitled not to have his landlord come over unannounced. Now, do I think MIL was actually in the right to come over all the time? No, of course not. But she owned the home and let them stay there for free. You don’t pay, you don’t get a say.
It’s hard to let the “kids” grow up. Some young married friends of ours were living in an apartment over her grandmothers garage. Recently they bought their own place with the money they’d saved and her family is fit to be tied. Let the games begin…
Just make sure you live 3000 miles away if you marry this guy. She is going to be an intrusive MIL and will only get worse when there are grandkids.