Dear Wendy
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Ha – I love that.
Drew also likes to tell story of the time we ended up in a small town in China where locals literally chased us down the street because they’d never seen westerners before and wanted to take photos and practice their English. We felt like celebrities for the day.
Thanks, Copa!
Are you getting a 2-week JR rail pass or 1-week? We are going for two weeks as well and I read that a one-week pass would be enough if we times our commuting just right but it seems like it would be better if we got a 2-week pass (even though it’s so pricey!).
I’ve read to expect enormous crowds in all the touristy spots, so there’s that.
My family lived in Japan in the 70s and 80s and my dad is 6’4″, my mom is 6′ and my sister and I have red hair, so we were quite the sight.
Copa, I’d be interested in whatever tips you have an want to share (either now or after you return). We haven’t booked anything yet, but know how our dates and roughly where we want to visit (the usual first-time travel spots, like Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka, for sure).
OOH, we are going to Japan next April! We’ve been talking about it for years and are finally making it happen. I also lived there as a kid and it’s been over 35 years since I’ve been back. I’m so excited!
I love the nytimes recipes. Anything I’ve made with a 5-star rating has deserved the rating. I’m making one tonight that is a hit in my family and so easy (and healthy): Turmeric-Black Pepper Chicken With Asparagus.
For light and healthy recipes that take great, I love the How Sweet Eats: https://www.howsweeteats.com
Every recipe I’ve tried is a winner.I love the aforementioned Love and Lemons too.
From the LW:
“Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I feel like a terrible person being so distant while he appears to be trying so hard and I feel so crazy because he is in fact very logical and I don’t wish to cause trauma. I will keep you posted.”
Echoing Kate and Golfer Gal here to say that you MUST get out of this situation and you MUST enlist the help of people you trust – your closest support system – plus the help of an attorney. Please do spend some time on thehotline.org where you can find people who are trained to help women in situations like yours. They will have the advice you need and will be able to help you devise a plan. Do this when your husband isn’t around and don’t tell him what you are up to. It’s dangerous to let him know.
You can do this! There’s a whole life ahead of you free from the emotional abuse and the manipulation you’ve been enduring all this time.
I agree with what others are saying. Three months is too early to feel this kind of frustration in a relationship. It’s also too early to “make” a partner do things, like block someone. I have been married for almost 15 years and I don’t “make” my spouse do things. I ask and suggest – sometimes strongly – but I would never enforce my will on my spouse. It’s not a great sign that you are behaving in this controlling manner at all, let alone so early. And it’s not a good sign that your partner feels they can’t or don’t know how to open up to you. This isn’t your partner’s problem as you suggest here. This is an issue between the two of you and you are as much a part of the problem as you need to be in finding a solution. I don’t know that I’d put in much effort for a 3-month relationship that already has such a big problem, but if you aren’t ready to walk away, I think you could apologize for being controlling and ask your partner how they’re feeling and how you can be supportive. and then just listen. Don’t interject with your own thoughts or try to defend yourself. Just listen. And when your partner is done talking, THEN you can share your thoughts. This is just a starting point. If you aren’t able to even accomplish quiet listening to start, then I would advise ending this relationship before there’s more drama.
Thanks, Copa. Drew is well on his way to a full recovery (yay!) and I think I’ve managed to take good care of myself while holding down the fort during Drew’s convalescence. Fortunately, the kids at 8 and 12 are a lot more independent than they’d have been if this happened a few years ago, so that helps!
I echo Ange and Anonymousse and think you rushed into this marriage without truly knowing your husband and what you were signing up for with him and his family. It’s not normal or healthy to have regular knock-out-drag-out fights with your spouse in general, let alone in the newlywed stage. PLEASE do not bring children into this. You two are not functioning healthy as a married couple WITHOUT kids, and they are not known to make things *easier* and less stressful on a marriage.
I think you should consider a trial separation with your husband while you clear your head and get some perspective. If you can afford it, therapy would be a great option for you to help process this experience and figure out a plan forward that best supports your well-being.
This is too big of a red flag to ignore. He is sexist, disrespectful, and gaslight-y. You should break up with him. But you should also be proud of yourself for recognizing a red flag and letting it guide you out of what could potentially be an unsatisfying and painful path if you stayed with your boyfriend.
I’m curious what the “healthy masculinity” pages are that he follows. In general though, this sounds like a yellow flag. Proceed, but with caution.
