Dear Wendy
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@Leslie, there’s definitely a difference in risks people are taking, and when I get letters from people discussing how they met up with friends for dinner three times last week, went to two parties over the weekend and are now mad because they weren’t invited to another party this coming weekend, I don’t feel bad about being sanctimonious and judgmental towards them and their selfish and reckless behavior. My parents have barely left their house for over seven months and my 5-year-old is doing kindergarten over zoom this year, so cry me a river.
Yeah, but people will. And they’ll call these get-togethers “calculated risks” and we’ll all be screwed come January (and earlier). Since people are going to gather anyway, I hope people will at least reduce their exposure and risk by limiting sizes of these gatherings, travel, etc.
We were just invited to A thanksgiving gathering with extended family that we’re going to have to skip, and even though I’d planned to spend the winter holidays with my parents for the first time in several years, we’re going to postpone that for another year. It’ll have been ten months since I last saw my Parents, 14 months since I saw my sister, and will likely be many more months before I see any of them again. 🙁
Here’s that IHME projection:
They’re projecting that by Thanksgiving (Nov. 26) daily cases in the US will be almost double what they are today. And by Christmas, daily deaths will be nearly three times what they are today. Projections suggest that by the middle of January, our daily death count will be the highest it’s been during the entire pandemic, but of course, all of that is subject to change and is very dependent on people’s behavior between now and then.
I’m trying to get my kids out as much as we can while the weather is nice and the cases are still really low in NYC. They aren’t going to school, which reduces our risk and exposure by a lot, so I feel ok balancing that with trips to the playground or park (especially during school hours when these places are pretty empty). I just ordered them really warm coats for winter and I am hoping we have a mild winter like we did last year, but I expect we’ll be hunkering down a lot and probably feeling kind of lonely.
I think the upcoming holidays, when the IHME projects cases will be surging across the country in a second wave that may be even higher than what we experienced in the spring, will be especially challenging for people. Holidays are already pretty lonely for a lot of people and there’s going to be a lot of temptation, not to mention a lot of pressure, to gather with loved ones. I think NOW is a good time to consider how to best handle this. What is your own comfort level? Maybe getting together with one other couple or one other family? Immediate family only? Celebrating only with people you share a home with? Staying local (no air travel, no long distance driving or staying overnight somewhere?).
Obviously, there’s not necessarily “right” or “wrong” ways here, but there’s definitely a spectrum of risk, just like there always has been, and people are going to judge, people are going to feel slighted or rejected or offended, and the best any of us can do is find a balance between certain risks and tending to our emotional well-being in whatever ways we feel most comfortable with and confident about.
@LadyE, I totally get where you’re coming from as the anger and disappointment is something I’ve struggled with for months as I watch friends and people do things I think are needlessly reckless while my family and I continue sacrificing a lot. And we aren’t sacrificing just – or even mainly – for our own well-being; we’re sacrificing for the greater good, to help reduce the spread of this virus and save lives. It’s hard when you sacrifice a lot and you see other people act as if they don’t have a care in the world.
Then again, this info is only coming from the most prestigious centers for global health research in the world (IHME). It’s probably fake news.
LadyE, you saying that your state is lifting some restrictions (despite outbreaks) made me think about this graph I saw recently on covid projections:
https://covid19.healthdata.org/united-states-of-america?view=daily-deaths&tab=trend
There’s a line in the graph for projections is states begin easing restrictions, a line for projections is restrictions stay exactly as they are currently, and a line for universal mask use (95%, nationally I believe we’re around 50-55%). The line for eased restrictions shows up to 5000 deaths a day by December 1 (five times more than the already horrific rate of a 1000 a day that we’re at now).
In what state is a 150-guest wedding currently allowed?! Even outdoors, a wedding with no masks is likely to get people sick and perhaps even kill a few guests. But, hey, at least the bride got her pretty princess party. Definitely more important than, say, my children going school.
I am *really* running out of patience for people’s incredible selfishness.
That’s terrible, ange! We were very lucky to get every dime back from our cancelled Mexico vacation (which would have been in April, right after drew’s 50th bday and his cancelled party) – for the plane tickets and hotel reservations. I was actually surprised we got everything refunded, and without much effort on my part. The airline industry, especially, isn’t Usually known for being fair and generous.
I feel very bad for anyone who is losing that kind of money on canceled events. It’s reprehensible that a venue would keep the full amount of payment. But if it’s a choice between losing all that money and holding an 80-person wedding with at least a few very high-risk loved ones, choose the former. It shouldn’t even matter whether the MOH can make it or not (which is how this dilemma was initially presented); it is not going to be safe in late fall – even outdoors – for people who are high risk to gather in large groups. There have been so many many stories of old ppl going to weddings and getting Covid (google it). Why risk it? Losing thousands of dollars is awful. Losing a grandparent or a parent is worse, especially if you’re going to feel partially responsible.
Fingers crossed, ver, that the venue refunds your money and you can celebrate with all your loved ones once it’s safe to do so!
Haha. I keep getting stressed about lack of social distancing in tv shows and movies. “WHHHHY ARE THEY STANDING SO CLOSE TOGETHER?!”
Wow.
I remember years ago a bunch of DW readers being appalled that I threw a wedding in a park without chairs for the majority of guests to sit in during the ceremony (there were chairs for older and more infirm guests, and we chartered buses to take guests to the reception where, of course, there were plenty of chairs). They thought it was so tacky and told me so. Ah, the simple days! Obama was president, and one of the biggest offenses you could make in hosting a wedding was asking your 30-year-old guests to stand for 20 minutes. Now it’s potentially exposing your guests to a deadly virus for which there’s no vaccine or cure.
