bloodymediocrity
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Well, I feel like you’ve already done enough things. You’ve really just got to decide if the relationship is worth saving. You’ve indulged your wrath by burning his belongings and you don’t feel any better about it. You met the mistress and don’t feel any better about this.
You need to decide what (if anything) it is that will make you okay with this. From where I’m sitting I can’t imagine how this guy can put things right with you, and you have other things going on that probably deserve more of your focus. It seems like this relationship is best left in the past.
It’s been quiet on the forum lately. How’s every doing?
I’m quite good here. That date turned in to several more and it’s great.
I’m also running an after school D&D group for middle-schoolers and I love them so much. I adore my socially awkward little weirdoes so much. You think they are so precious and then they hit you with a cutting remark that cuts you down to size.
For example, I was helping my youngest student build his character, when suddenly he gets quiet and stares at his character sheet.
“Hey bud, everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just kind of nervous.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“What if you’re like, really bad at running this game?”
I cackled inside but kept a straight face.
One thing I want to point out that no one else brought up…
But by mid-August, I needed space and finally told him about the miscarriage, saying goodbye and asking him not to reply. He responded with, “Oh darling, I’m so devastated and sorry. I’ll check myself. Take care, Monica.” His cold reply shocked and hurt me deeply.
I told him I will remove him from my contacts and asked him to remove me from his contacts, which he did and didn’t seem to have any feelings about it responding with ” Alright, my love”
In both cases here, he did what you specifically asked him to do, and then you got upset that he did it. I’m not trying to defend his actions here, but in the future when you make requests of a partner, make sure it’s actually what you want them to do. I know that sometimes that’s easier said than done, but if you tell someone you don’t want them to contact you, make sure you mean it.
Other than that, I agree with the others that there was never much hope for a relationship here thanks to its complicated origins.
Assuming you’re young here.
“How do I know if my crush likes me?”
You’re just gonna have the knuckle up and ask her. You can ask a friend of hers too, but there’s a lot of risk in that. Just do it.
“Is she flirting”
Stealing items and running away was a pretty common flirting technique the my olden days, so maybe. But then again…
“She will also act uncomfortable around me.”
You might need to elaborate more on this.
“Does she like me?”
I can’t say so with certainty, but it’s possible.
“What should I do?”
If you like her, and you think she might like you, ask her out. Worst case scenario is that she says she doesn’t like you, and then you have your answer and can put your feelings elsewhere. Best case scenario? You get to go out with the girl you like. The risk is worth the reward.
This guys seems like a grade-A jerk. He’s clearly a boundary pusher and can’t see you as a friend. If he respected you he would have self control and not ask for nudes. Not asking for nudes is a really, really, really low bar that he can’t pass over. Let this relationship sail in to the past.
My friend just bullied me in to doing it! Fingers crossed for a positive response.
When you say it like that it seems obvious 😀
So good news: A year and a half post divorce, I went on my first small, low-key coffee date this past weekend! It went well, conversation was fun and easy and at least for myself the attraction is there.
The bad news: I still don’t feel like I can actually “put myself out there”. I don’t know how to follow things up, flirt properly, or how to navigate this world. I moved way too quickly in my past and ended up married and miserable and I’m so scared of that happening again I’m afraid to actually like anyone.
Stuff to work on in therapy, I guess.
No, going to this funeral is totally normal.
Is it a little weird he omitted the detail about them dating and him losing his v-card to her? Yeah, a bit. But if you have a history of jealousy there may be a pretty good reason for doing so.
Either way, let the man pay his respects.
Also, don’t say you were turned on by having a conversation with someone. That’s an inside thought.
It’s hard to really evaluate without knowing some more specifics of your situation.
But I don’t think it’s uncommon for a therapist to say “If you aren’t meeting these specific requirements, I won’t see you” particularly if we’re talking about medications like anti-psychotics or bi-polar medications.
What is the root cause for you to only take new medications for a couple of days? Is it forgetfulness or do you just not want to?
So, I think the first thing you need to do to accurately evaluate what’s going on is to start dispensing of language like “soul mate” or “the one”. When you think like that, you are kind of setting yourself up to pretty much excuse anything a person does, because you’re essentially saying that you are destined to be with this person. It’s not a healthy way to build a relationship.
More specifically though, I can’t be the only one who thinks something here doesn’t add up. His story is definitely SUS. Essentially his ex either attempted to sexually assault him or she actually did, yet he’s taken minimal steps to avoid her and even now is going to over to her house? The fact that he is spending time at her house casts doubt on his story.
I don’t really see a path forward here toward rebuilding trust, short of with the aid of a professional relationship counselor. You have a lot of reason to be wary and I think your alarm bells are going off for a valid reason.
The question you need to be asking is not “how can this relationship function?”. It’s “Why have I put up with this for so long/at all?”
This guy needed your emotional support when his marriage ended, and you ended up in a relationship with him, and now he’s doing the same thing.
The only way this relationship can continue is if you just give him carte blanche permission to sleep with whoever he wants, and you learn to live with that. Never have unprotected sex with him again (assuming you ever did in the first place anyways).
He’s shown you who he is over and over. Now the only question that remains is what you do with that information. So far you have shown him who you are: someone who tolerates shitty behavior and lets men walk all over them.
Are you going to continue to be that person?
