Copa
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@Anon LW literally said nothing more happened than a kiss. I’m sorry for your baggage/past, I know we all draw from our own experiences when responding, but the situations you’ve been through don’t really sound all that similar to this and yet you’re still doubling down on this idea that the cousin is a threat.
They’re not married. The cousin is literally family.
If this is all above board and normal in the culture he was raised in, why the jealousy and demanding you cut your cousin off? If there is no ick factor present for him, what’s the big deal about one kiss with someone years before you even started dating? That shouldn’t be a big deal, even if you and that person become good friends down the road. Are you the one commenting as @Anon explaining why the cousin could be a perceived threat and saying the boyfriend has a right to choose who is in his life?
A bit off topic, but it’s actually legal in a surprising number of U.S. states to marry your first cousin. I don’t think it’s common, but still. I’ll take LW’s word for it that the kiss happened under the most benign of circumstances. And I stand corrected that it’s not weird for cousins to use pet names. (I am from a particularly unaffectionate family so to me it would be weird. Not gross, just not at all what I am used to.) Take all that out and you’re left with a boyfriend telling you to cut family you live with out of your life.
@Anon Wtf? If he’s not comfortable or okay with the situation, he needs to break things off and move on. Telling her to cut ties with her cousin is BS.
I’m not trying to shame you for what happened, I’m just saying that a lot of people are going to get the ick over it, even if it so happened that you were two strangers who met at a party, kissed, and found out after you are related. If that happened to me, I’d take it to the grave.
Either way, your boyfriend should not be dictating who gets to stay in your life and who you need to cut ties with. That’s not appropriate.
Well, it may have just been one kiss, but what you did would still be considered taboo by many, many people. I’m not surprised your boyfriend was/is uncomfortable. I would be.
I don’t see how your relationship will work. I can’t fault your boyfriend for having the ick over the situation with your cousin, but I also don’t think it’s appropriate for him to tell you to cut people out of your life for him.
It’s unclear if he knows about you and your cousin kissing. I wouldn’t blame him for being weirded out about that if he does know, and if he’s already weirded out and sees your cousin calling you “hun”… I’m not surprised he broke things off. I do not call my cousins by pet names and don’t know a single person who does, so to me, even that would be a bit strange. But, the other posters are right that his behavior was out of line and controlling. He shouldn’t be reading through your texts (unless he had your permission), going crazy over said text messages, or telling you who needs to be cut out of your life to keep him in it.
All of that said, it sounds like he’s already ended things. (Breaks are break-ups in my book.) So I don’t really think there’s anything here for you to be mulling over.
@MissMJ What leave-in treatment do you use? My hair sounds similar-ish. At least the thick head of fine hair part with some waves. A friend recommended the JVN curl cream to me as a leave-in they like as I go on my natural hair journey. Though my hair takes about four hours to dry completely sooo not sure I’m actually saving any time.
@hfantods I know I sound obsessed with Dr. Sherene, the derm I yap about all the time on here, but highly recommend watching her video about Vitamin C. She breaks down the active and inactive forms of vitamin C available, the benefits of each kind, what might work for you given skin type/concerns, and recommends products at various price points. She’s @pillowtalkderm, you can find the vid through her website or on youtube.
$1089/mo sounds good given your budget and the alternatives. The rest sound like minor inconveniences. You’d also be surprised the kind of noise you learn to tune out after a couple weeks. We’re on a busy street and just a few blocks from a transit stop for our elevated train line here. It took maybe 2-3 weeks to adjust, but traffic and the train are both white noise to me now.
So I’ve decided very recently to try giving natural hair looks another go. I’m just… so bored of always styling it. The time, the effort. I’m active and I run, so I can’t go more than like two days between washes, not to mention the heat + humidity lately. But anyway, I recently got a wet brush to detangle my hair in the shower and after, and that’s actually been nice even on days where I heat style. Other than that, just a ConAir paddle brush. I have to have sturdy bristles because my hair is thick and coarse. (Last summer a cousin lent me her brush when I stayed at her place. She has very fine, thin hair. It did absolutely nothing for me. Like didn’t even seem to be able to penetrate the strands?)
ETA: On my laziest of lazy heat styling days, I’ll at a minimum paddle brush my hair straight with a blow drier. If my hair didn’t puff up when I do this, it’d be a relatively fast and quick way to get smooth, straight hair.
I read this letter first and also assumed it was a woman until I read the second. Specifically because of the detail about putting the mom on the phone, actually.
I realize I didn’t answer your actual question, which is what we think you should do next. If it were me, I’d be going in to the meeting you have today with the senior minister ready to take accountability for my behavior and offer an apology. I’m not convinced you understand you were in the wrong with the caterer, but if it were me, I’d be ready to say that I handled the situation inappropriately. If nothing else, I think you should at least be ready to apologize for losing it and being so “animated” over the phone.
