Copa

A bit off topic, but it’s actually legal in a surprising number of U.S. states to marry your first cousin. I don’t think it’s common, but still. I’ll take LW’s word for it that the kiss happened under the most benign of circumstances. And I stand corrected that it’s not weird for cousins to use pet names. (I am from a particularly unaffectionate family so to me it would be weird. Not gross, just not at all what I am used to.) Take all that out and you’re left with a boyfriend telling you to cut family you live with out of your life.

I’m not trying to shame you for what happened, I’m just saying that a lot of people are going to get the ick over it, even if it so happened that you were two strangers who met at a party, kissed, and found out after you are related. If that happened to me, I’d take it to the grave.

Either way, your boyfriend should not be dictating who gets to stay in your life and who you need to cut ties with. That’s not appropriate.

It’s unclear if he knows about you and your cousin kissing. I wouldn’t blame him for being weirded out about that if he does know, and if he’s already weirded out and sees your cousin calling you “hun”… I’m not surprised he broke things off. I do not call my cousins by pet names and don’t know a single person who does, so to me, even that would be a bit strange. But, the other posters are right that his behavior was out of line and controlling. He shouldn’t be reading through your texts (unless he had your permission), going crazy over said text messages, or telling you who needs to be cut out of your life to keep him in it.

All of that said, it sounds like he’s already ended things. (Breaks are break-ups in my book.) So I don’t really think there’s anything here for you to be mulling over.

$1089/mo sounds good given your budget and the alternatives. The rest sound like minor inconveniences. You’d also be surprised the kind of noise you learn to tune out after a couple weeks. We’re on a busy street and just a few blocks from a transit stop for our elevated train line here. It took maybe 2-3 weeks to adjust, but traffic and the train are both white noise to me now.

I read this letter first and also assumed it was a woman until I read the second. Specifically because of the detail about putting the mom on the phone, actually.

Not to pile on, but agreed that you were out of bounds pulling the caterer aside and saying anything to them. That was not your job and it was inappropriate. Also interesting that you describe the caterer’s behavior as berating and say he was *yelling* while your behavior was a discreet correction even though it was threatening(!?). You’re awfully forgiving of your own behavior and I suspect blowing the caterer’s out of proportion. It’s good you’re willing to reflect on this, though.

I’m not familiar with what’s acceptable in your line of work, but… I’d never put my mom on the phone to help me handle/take my side during a work dispute.

A handful of years ago at a work event, the longtime photographer we worked with started talking crap about my company to any attendee who would listen. Word spread to staff that he was doing this. The person who had to deal with it in the moment was the coworker who was in charge of the photographer. To the photographer, he said something like, “We have enough photos from this evening, so you can head out now.” The problematic behavior was addressed later and we severed ties with him after that. I realize it’s different, but just saying there are ways to handle these things where communication flows through the proper channels and everyone remains polite in the moment so as not to draw attention.