Copa

I think some cheating is just because the opportunity is there. I don’t think it’s always premeditated or because they’re not in love with their SO anymore or because they have feelings for the person they’re cheating with.

Anyway, I think some couples can move past infidelity. I’d wager many who do move past it work with a couples therapist to get past the betrayal, hurt, and trust issues (don’t know this for sure, though).

Staying with someone “because of all the history” is a bad reason to get back together, though. You don’t say how long you’ve been together, but just because you’ve invested a chunk of time into a relationship does not mean you need to keep holding on to it if it’s no longer serving you. You don’t even feel confident that your partner really wants to be with you.

Yeah, I get that offices are kind of a thing of the past these days at many offices. But, my field in general is a bit old school and this is one of the few perks of that, haha. And in any case, I like having one. I like the privacy and quiet to concentrate. I don’t want to go back to the cubicle life.

Also curious about an Ireland update! My boyfriend loves Ireland. His dad is Irish and he, his dad, and his brother have been together on a guy’s trip there a couple times. He wants to go together but it’s kinda low on my travel bucket list.

Glad to hear living together is going smoothly for you guys, @hfantods!

I’ll admit, we already took our Christmas decorations out of storage. It’s not up yet, but maybe this weekend. When I was single and lived alone, I had a small fake tree I’d put up every year, but otherwise didn’t get too into holiday decorating. The boyfriend does like to decorate for the season, to the point that when we moved in together, he kept an eye on where his fall decoration box was throughout the move so that he could whip it out after we’d settled. I think he’s rubbed off on me because now I get excited for it. And because things have felt kinda bleak the past two years, I’ve encouraged decorating a week or two earlier than we “should” — I can enjoy some holiday cheer a little longer.

@hfantods Can your fiance ask about family vaccinations? My boyfriend’s aunt and uncle who will be hosting the holiday get-together, the husband is a dentist and the wife helps runs the business. They’ve been no-nonsense about COVID, motivated by both their personal/political beliefs and their source of livelihood. I’m glad they’re the ones hosting. Nobody’s vaccination status in my boyfriend’s family is a secret. Political alignment is all over the place in his family, but even those who think COVID is not a big deal — like his mom, who has said some of the dumbest stuff I’ve heard from anyone I personally know about it — are vaccinated. His stepdad is the only outlier, but he has not done so because of medical issues.

Also, we went to a concert maybe a week ago at a smaller indoor venue that is operating at reduced capacity and required proof of vaccination (the boyfriend’s cousin got turned away at the door because he forgot his card, had to run home to grab it and come back) and masks (required indoors here). It’s the first time we’ve done anything indoors like that and I felt okay with it. Though I will say, the boyfriend getting a breakthrough infection while we we barely did anything changed my feelings a bit about what I’m okay at this point.

My therapist went back to in-person sessions and I’m so glad. It was not great online.

We’re definitely not doing any kind of in-person holiday party this year. Pre-COVID, my company hosted a fair amount of events, including two conferences (one in June, one in December). Early last summer (which feels like a million years ago now even if this year passed quickly?), we were hopeful we could resume some outdoor in-person events and had even planned one for September. We canceled that and our December conference is now virtual. But these were bigger events, not just for staff. I’d say it’s likely we’ll do another virtual staff holiday event like we did last year but I wouldn’t mind if we didn’t. I appreciate the coworkers who had to organize last year’s event, they tried to make it fun, but we did trivia using break-out rooms during at lunch time. I’d rather just have a quiet lunch break. I’d be way more up for a department happy hour since it’s smaller and easier to engage that way but won’t be sad if we do nothing. I really just want bonuses to be back this year.

I believe my boyfriend’s mom’s side of the family will be resuming their annual Christmas get-together for extended family and I’d go to that at this point. Everyone is vaccinated.

I don’t think Robert is an incel. I’ve actually wondered if he’s asexual with a general desire for very specific aspects of a typical romantic relationship, but it’s not something I’m well versed in so my armchair diagnosis is not helpful. What Robert needs is therapy. A lot of it. And a sincere desire to look inward and change, which he does not have. He’s willing to take small steps like read about demisexuality online, but won’t go so far as to speak to a qualified professional who can help him better understand himself and the many, many barriers he’s put up between himself and what he says he wants.