Copa
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Oh, we totally have a rate problem here in Chicago. We have a feral cat program for it. I think we were named the “rattiest” U.S. city (what an honor!) a few years back and know a few people who have found them inside. A friend’s ex and his roommate broke a lease over it a few years back.
The other night when I was walking the dog, I went to throw the bag of waste into a trash can. As I was lifting the lid, I noticed a rat on top of the adjacent dumpster and only THEN did I notice the rat on the lid I was lifting. I got spooked, threw the bag aimlessly, and it accidentally hit the rat as it was scurrying away. Snatched up the waste bag, got it in the trash, speed walked home. Last fall, again while walking the dog on a poorly lit side street near me, I felt the weight or something against my shoe as I was walking and realized I’d given a rat a light, accidental kick.
I think it’s fine to put on a profile if Robert felt compelled to do so. For the right women who share his values, it wouldn’t be a red flag. Most women who don’t share those values will still think it’s odd even if he waited until they’d met in person to bring it up. I did see some profiles when I was on the app that were very candid about who they were and what they wanted and I did appreciated knowing off the bat when something wouldn’t be okay with me. It limits your own first date candidates, but narrows in on the people who may be the better fit.
A friend of mine and her now-husband met on OKCupid and apparently they didn’t even kiss for a solid 4-5 months. It blew my mind when they shared this because like many of you, I used to assume that if we hadn’t kissed by, like, date three that the guy wasn’t romantically interested.
For the millionth time, though, nobody owes you an explanation for why they don’t want to go out with you again! And even if you could compel every first date you went out with to tell you why she was passing on a second date, each woman would probably have a different answer. Because all women are different.
You also don’t need to waste paragraphs explaining to us that attraction is more than skin deep. That isn’t a “Robert thing” — that’s a “just about everyone” thing.
One thing that you have not tried: Getting into therapy and sticking to it. Though I still stand by what I said pages ago about how I don’t know that therapy will work for you because you don’t seem to want to do any inner work so much as you want someone to crack a code for you.
Oh, that would make way more sense. I thought his emphasis of “her” meant that this woman was there with her boyfriend but Robert was so irresistible to her on account of his passion for haunted houses/holiday light shows that she had no choice but to dump her boyfriend on the spot. But yes, I probably did not read/interpret that correctly.
From what was written, I’m not sure you and Haunted House Woman were even on a date. Otherwise I’d have to believe that she immediately dumped her boyfriend because she met someone more into haunted houses than he was.
I don’t recall what Robert said his job was. I don’t think it was Doordash or UberEats. I don’t think he thinks he’s misrepresenting himself — I think he feels in charge of his schedule and likes the flexibility, which, great! — but plenty of women are going to feel otherwise.
I think Robert’s job is the least of his worries.
I’m generally someone who believes there’s a lid for every pot, but Robert, you gotta some inner work if you want to have a shot at finding a relationship. It’s been two years and nothing has changed except your pants.
Back to make-up and skincare briefly: Last night was a date night for us and I didn’t put any make-up on until evening. I didn’t reapply sunscreen. The Estee Lauder product I mentioned is still a nice one, but I realized the Supergoop! Glowscreen I wear is the reason my makeup looks so nice these days. It really does make my skin glow. May not be great for those with oily skin, but it’s working great for me. I used to shy away from any products that promised glow afraid I’d look greasy instead of radiant or dewy, but I’m loving this one.
What everyone else is saying about chemistry/attraction is accurate. It’s not (just) about objective looks. One guy I went out with seemed like a good match on paper/online. We met in person and he was good looking, but I didn’t like his overall demeanor/disposition (if I had to describe it). (Contrast that with my boyfriend who, as I’ve mentioned, I didn’t “just know” right away. I thought he was cute, nice, easy to talk to. I told a friend after our first date that I’d go on another date with him and remember mentioning that I really liked his amiable disposition.) There are some things that you can’t know from a phone call.
I don’t know the context of @Cleopatra_30’s comment that you quoted, but when I read this, this reads more like how she determines who she wants to meet in person. Looking for common ground is fine as a starting point, it can help you filter out who you think you might click with and who you won’t. I assume @Cleopatra_30 has more matches to sort through than you do. And from there, she’d have to go through that some process anyone else would have to go through where you meet in person to see how you mesh and whether those intangible qualities are there. By contrast, it doesn’t really sound like filtering prospective dating candidates is something you’ve had to deal with. And then you approached online dating and the dates you went on by having a very specific list of qualities you were looking for and would rule women out for things like not going to 17 Christmas light shows and parades each year or (gasp) getting tipsy. It was your absurd checklist that prompted everyone to tell you to get to know people as people rather than interviewing them to see if they fit your list, because no woman was ever going to fit that list.
@Cleopatra_30 Sucks to be turned down but always better to know of these big dealbreakers early on. Hope the fourth date with the other guy goes well!
@MG OMG. I’ve been to the Bridgeport Arts Center before and would love to go to a wedding there. It’s such a great, cool space. The chandeliers/light fixtures at the main entrance, the freight elevator (totally decked out when I was there around the holidays several years ago), the loft space, the city views. Ugh, I’m not someone who dreams of her wedding but I have liked the industrial chic ones I’ve been to and if I had all the budget in the world (I assume this is a $$$$ venue) and the desire to plan a big wedding, that place would be on my list. Haha. Have fun!
We literally found out an hour ago that you contacted her. Up until then, we only knew that you’d had the dog for a week, had done nothing to return it, and were refusing to unblock her despite putting her in this situation in the first place.
What was the other post you made on here? I’m super curious.
I’m not really sure what you expected. You realized you did something not okay and came to a forum you already believed was full of bullies looking for ideas on how to fix it. People agreed that what you did was wrong, suggested you do the one thing you are able to do under the circumstances (with tips for doing so safely), and suggested therapy. You repeatedly protested that suggestion even though the situation YOU created doesn’t lend itself to any great or easy fixes.
