dinoceros
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
As someone who’s driven in snowy states for 10 years with FWD, I think it comes down to how much you’re required to drive in the snow. I drive to work if it’s 6 inches or less, but if it’s much more than that, my job is flexible enough to let me work from home. But I can see where if you were forced to go to work (or had another obligation you couldn’t back out of) in any amount of snow or ice, you would have to have something with AWD. I for sure would have swapped my car for something else if my job wasn’t so flexible! Of course, there are a lot of pickup drivers here who don’t realize that ice is slippery no matter what kind of car you have and spin out because they think they can go faster than the rest of us because of the size of their truck.
*Ugh, edited because I read so many acronyms that I typed the wrong one.
Also, just because a kid’s parents tell them they both have to be clean doesn’t mean they get that messaging from society. If boys are framed as playing with cars and sports and stuff, those are not really “clean” activities. You get dirty if you work on actual cars. You sweat with sports. When girls are implied to do things like dress up or use makeup, that implies keeping yourself looking nice.
Certainly, at school, girls would be more likely to get teased (at least in my experience) for not looking nice than boys are. My best friend wore the same type of sneakers that her brother did in middle school (decorated like a baseball). She got teased by girls who wore “prettier” shoes. He didn’t get teased for them.
Unless a child never sees other children, TV, ads, or people aside from their parents, then they can get messages about gender even if those are not being reinforced by or explicitly stated by their parents. My mom wore oversized sweatshirts and jeans all the time. I certainly didn’t grow up thinking that was what I was supposed to look like when I started middle school.
Snowing right now in Michigan. Barely getting above freezing in the next week, and more snow coming up soon!
A friend of mine was planning a ceremony at a church in one town at like 1pm and then a reception at 7pm in another town (this was on Long Island). I’d initially been planning to go (would have to fly in), but then realized that not only would I have to rent a car, but then I’d have to apparently occupy myself for many hours basically in the middle of nowhere. I decided not to go.
Then when I got the actual invitation, she’d rearranged the time and locations to be much more convenient, but hadn’t bothered to update the Save the Dates, so it was too late to book a flight.
I feel like we’re on the verge of the “you’re violating my first amendment rights, even though you’re not the government, but nobody realizes that the first amendment only applies to the government and not random people on the internet” territory.
You have a right to say what you want, but everyone else has a right to say what they want. Your right to say things doesn’t mean you also have a right to tell people when they can or can’t reply to you. It’s not a right to not get pushback for things you say that other people don’t like.
Yay, Veritek!
@copa — Yeah, I thought telling him (even before all this) that I had a busy week ahead would at least help him manage his expectations in regard to seeing me or talking with me much. But I guess not.
I’m 31 also. He’s 42. I don’t really feel that he’s objectively too old, but in his case, he just bought a house and is sort of intending on settling down here. I know that I am not because it would probably be bad for my career and I potentially may want to move closer to family (not super restricted to where they live, but in a vague radius of like 4-5 hours or less). I wouldn’t rule out everyone his age, but it just feels like for him, 42 means that he’s super ready to get married and settle down in this home and live out his life here. I’m still trying to decide where I want to live and where I want my career to go. I’m also a little biased because most of my friends married guys who are around their age or a few years older or younger, so they’ve been in the same life stage most of the time. My one friend who is with someone about 10 years older got two teenage stepkids at the time (in her 20s), so it was definitely a more extreme transition for her. But I know as time goes on, I need to make sure I”m not superficially judging people’s ages if we’re a good fit otherwise.
Thanks for the feedback. My friends have been alternating between telling me “it’s 2017, this is what people do” and “he just likes you a lot.” So, it’s useful to hear your thoughts.
I definitely went back and added the “work” part about the happy hour before I posted because I realized the context sounded even worse without fully explaining the event. I think the linkedin thing was worse to me because we left trivia at 10pm and it was literally in my inbox by like 10:20, and so was the email.
I think he’s ready to settle down and it’s making him overeager and trying to rush things with anyone he sees as suitable. I sort of brushed off his last request about visiting him, so if he texts again, I will let him know that I’m not interested.
Side note — I have a friend who cares a lot about height, and she will always ask me a guy’s height that I’ve met, and I can never remember! I’ll say he’s probably like my height and then I see him again and realize he’s like 5’11” or something, which is 4-5 inches taller than my estimate. 😀
So I went on a date this week, first one in a VERY long time! The guy was nice, smart, funny, cute, the only bad thing is that he’s 10 years older, which is OK, but not my favorite thing. I just don’t really feel like I’m mature enough for that.
Anyway, we met at a work-related happy hour and he came with me to trivia with my friends afterward. Right after I got home that night, he sent me an email to my work email (hadn’t given it to him) and he sent me a linkedin request. He asked me to dinner a couple days later, so I agreed.
Dinner was fine. I actually went to his house, which is not the best idea, but we were going to a late movie and he was going to feed his pets and I wanted to meet them/kill time. Hung out for a bit, missed the movie, so I went home shortly after the movie would have started. Just a hug at the end.
After that, he texted me to say he had fun and he liked me, and I said that we could hang out at the end of the week, since this is my busiest week of the year. The next day, he texted me in the morning, then in the afternoon about future things we could do. Then he texted me this morning and knowing we were both at work, said I could come visit him at his office. He also requested to follow me on twitter. I’ve responded to his texts, but not offered much more conversation beyond that. I haven’t accepted any of his social media requests.
I think this is just how he is. My co-worker hung out with him a couple of times in the past and eventually told him she was way too busy and then ghosted him when he contacted her again. I wasn’t sure if I was into him at first since I didn’t know him that well, and now I’m just feeling really claustrophobic. There are guys that I’ve liked enough to want to talk to them all the time and see them all the time, but I choose to hold back at first because I believe in getting to know someone gradually and not overwhelming them.
Thoughts? Should I hang out once more to get an idea of how I feel? Or is it not worth the energy I will probably have to expend?
My friend who has been online dating started out ensuring that there was a lot more messaging time before meeting. She got obnoxious messages, of course, but deleted them and went on her way. When she got more lax and started meeting guys a lot quicker, she saw the obnoxiousness in person and it was a lot more draining for her. She got to the point of deactivating a lot quicker at that point.
I personally don’t do more than a couple messages. It’s hard for me to make myself spend time messaging someone I don’t know, and I get bored quickly. So, for me, I prefer to just meet them and then either see them again or just be done with it. But I think it just depends on the person and their preferences.
Geez. This guy is nuts.
My friend went on a date with a guy, and at the end, he was all like, “Let me know if you want to hang out again!” So, she texted him that week and was like, “Do you want to hang out? We could go to that place you recommended this weekend or next week.” He replied that he was broke and couldn’t go out for a couple of weeks, and then kept going and was like talking about how he was having a bad day and was feeling really grumpy, and was like “It doesn’t matter when or where we hang out” (though, it clearly did, since he had turned down her first offer), and then finally was like, “I don’t really care. Let’s talk some other time.”
It was interesting because he seemingly was trying to keep her around, but not aware that he needed to not act like a jerk in order to do so. She later told me he had some untreated mental health issues (he had maintained that he didn’t need treatment right now because things were going well in his life), and the pieces started to come together.
As for being surprised that you could afford your place, I think it depends on the level of surprise and where it goes. I could see going out with a guy and finding out he had a fancy house (not necessarily saying your place is fancy, but just for the purposes of my imagination) and being like, “Wow, your house is so nice!” But I don’t I’d ever actually verbalize (especially at that point) being surprised that HE owned it. It’s rude, and it’s also implying a weird judgment of your financial stability, job, etc. I mean, I have a coworker who lives next door to the university basketball coach, and I never acted surprised when I went there for the first time.
It would make me wonder if the guy was trying to make a dig at you (like make you feel guilty or doubt your worth) or make obnoxious judgments (like “oh, someone must have bought this for her”), or is just so bad with money that he can’t fathom ever saving enough for nice place.
That said, if he never brought it up again and wasn’t weird about anything else similar, I guess I could get over it, but if he brought it up more than once or made it into a huge deal (like asking intrusive questions about my salary or commenting on my car or if I go on a vacation), then I’d think it doesn’t bode well for a future.
