Kate
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
It’s over already, you’re just going to go through the painful death spiral for a while. A relationship doesn’t survive this.
But go ahead with the anger management, it may be helpful to you personally.
@Ron, she had “taken a swing at him” prior to that, the night the daughter called to cut her dad out of her life. He almost hit her back but didn’t. Then a week or two later he grabbed her head violently.
Oh, I would bet real money he’s put his hands on a woman before. Guys who don’t abuse women, uh, never do. He’s 57. He didn’t just suddenly lose impulse control.
But yeah, beyond that, to AutumnRose’s point, LW, he feels anger and hatred toward you that’s not unjustified and comes to a boiling point when he’s drunk. You’re not safe with him. You need to leave. This is a casual weekend relationship that’s devolved into anger and violence.
W o w.
My impression reading this is of a guy who is unstable, maybe has a drinking problem, maybe has abusive tendencies, and picks women with major issues (present company included) to be with. His actions have caused emotional damage to at least one of his kids, and a strained relationship mired in guilt. It’s possible he was abusive in some way to this daughter in the past (or his wives were, and he didn’t stop it) and that’s part of why she’s so angry and cut him out of her life. Maybe not, but obviously he has been spoiling her to make up for something. He’s also been modeling very bad behavior that he needs to own. He obviously likes to drink and party… where do you think she gets that from? Her dad was hosting teenage drinking parties. That to you is a quality guy? He’s not. A guy who gets drunk and physically abuses you is a drunk abuser. You may think you’ve only seen this one example and really he’s a great guy, but no. He sounds trash.
And you come across as awful in this narrative. I know you can’t fathom it, but he’s supposed to put his kids first. He’s supposed to love them more than his weekend girlfriend of two years. There’s something really wrong with you. You’re sick, to see a teenage girl as evil and be glad to see her sever her relationship with her dad. Also, you HIT him.
You sound like a couple of deeply disturbed individuals who were attracted to the damage in each other. This relationship is toxic and just going to deteriorate and get uglier.
My god.
Eta I don’t get being scandalized by underage drinking yet not batting an eye over being driven around by someone who just binge-drank (yes, he did) on an empty stomach. I get it’s a trailer park, but there could still be people or animals walking around.
Yeah, that’s very regrettable. Decide right now that you’ll never be like that again. That was your one psycho meltdown that you get in this life.
At this point, completely back off of contacting him. Not a peep.
“How do I stop feeling so insane and obsessive over Him ignoring me?” You do that by taking your power back and STOP reaching out.
This relationship was doomed anyway. It sounds like you’re a couple of volatile people who push each other’s buttons, and it’s just a toxic mess. I don’t think you lost anything worth saving.
Call me a cynic and a miserable person, but I think it’s not advisable to be excited about someone before meeting, OR to feel like you shouldn’t meet someone unless you’re excited about them. You use profiles to weed out idiots and time wasters, but you don’t use them to determine that someone is an amazing person or a great match for you. At most it should be like, oh cool, looks like we’ll have something to talk about, or “seems promising.” The best dates I had were with guys I was neutral about meeting.
I figured all that was probably the case, and took it into account when I made my comment. Still, 100% don’t think it’s a good idea. Sure, those guys talk about dating. Sure, they know you. Sure, they think it’s fun to give you dating advice. All that said, there’s no way this helps your professional image. All it’s going to do is give the impression of not having your shit together. It could be used against you in direct or indirect ways.
Being more open and lightening up means something different. It probably has something to do with showing more flexibility, collaboration, and going with the flow, not with getting personal.
I’m sorry, I’m genuinely not trying to be a bitch, I’ve seen shit and I’ve made mistakes. Always err on the side of sharing less detail about your personal life. Especially into your 30s and after.
Not only are you not going to get good advice from all the random single guys at work (as opposed to, say, one person who’s your work BFF and knows you well and who you really trust), it doesn’t look good professionally to involve groups of co-workers in your dating life. I know, I’m sure it’s a super fun and informal office and everyone talks about their personal life, and you actually don’t even do it that much, it was just this one time. Trust me though, it won’t help you, and could hold you back.
E, seriously, if he really wants messages on Insta and is actually interested in dating, and available to date, and if he’s actually interested in meeting you, he’s going to reply to your DM. If any of those are not true, he won’t. What could an email follow-up accomplish that the DM didn’t? He didn’t ask for email, he asked for DM on Instagram. You made your interest known. That’s all you can and should do. Single guys at work can suck it. I did take advice from a happily married guy at work, to get on Match and to go on a second date with my now-husband, but polling the single guys is silly.
Or if:
1) You’re just kind of a dick and can’t make it work with anyone you meet on dating sites
2) You’re lazy AF
3) You’re supposed to be giving it a go with someone you met online, and not be using dating apps, so you redirect to your DMs so you can still lowkey check out your options.
Nice! Did you see him in March?
Just a word of caution, he may or may not still try to do some grand gesture to get you back, after which he’ll 100% revert to his old ways. The grand gesture could be a sweet gift, the promise of a romantic trip, even talk of getting engaged. If that happens, recognize it for what it is, just a tactic. He won’t really change.
Perspective, please. You’re 28. That’s a veritable baby. You have, what, two relationships under your belt? So maybe you need to meet a few more guys and learn more about what you want and need. So what? Pick yourself up pretty soon and make a dating profile. Take care of yourself, do things you want to do, and enjoy being single.
