Kate
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It’s really really weird that she doesn’t want him raising their child. I can’t imagine that came out of nowhere. If it was totally out of the blue, I’d think he’d be more like “WHOA, what are you talking about?!” than “well, it doesn’t matter what you want, I will have custody.”
There’s more going on here.
Part of it *might be* understandable anger about her situation, that she’s directing toward you. Or hormones or other stuff that’s messing with her emotions. But you need to figure this out.
Also, seems kind of disingenuous to bring up the idea of a joint will in case something happens to you both at the same time, when she’s the one with a life-threatening illness right now. Why would you need a “joint will” when you can each say in your own will what you want to happen if the other partner were to pass away. She (realistically) is only thinking about the scenario where she’s gone and you’re still around. And in that scenario she wants your daughter’s grandparents to take her. I really think you need to get to why she feels that way. You immediately went to, “I’m an excellent parent.” Okay, but why is your partner’s view on that not matching up with yours?
Your fiancée has stage 4 cancer and just became a mother, and I can’t imagine what she’s going through emotionally.
And it sounds like she does have doubts about your ability to parent on your own. Have you had a real, honest conversation with her about why she feels that way?
Seriously, this part is very concerning:
“I said “it doesn’t matter what your will says on that, I’m her father with parental responsibility I’ll challenge it in court as I’m not losing my wife and daughter at the same time” that’s when she said “I don’t want to get married, you get too much benefit from my death if I die before you”. I asked what she meant, she said that I can get all her life Insurance, pensions etc and that our daughter and her parents would get nothing.”
That’s not normal. That doesn’t sound like a conversation that would happen in a loving and trusting relationship. Unless she’s on some medication that makes her paranoid, it sounds like she doesn’t trust you. She’s looking out for her daughter and doesn’t seem to think you’d do what’s best for your child. That’s strange. I have to think there’s more going on here.
Your threat there was weird too. Like why would you go right to threatening her rather than trying to get to the bottom of her fears?
I don’t even see this as bullying. Sounds like a kid who has anger issues and impulse control issues and is acting out. But not like a pattern of behavior that’s necessarily bullying. As a kid I was not a bully, but if I got really mad I occasionally got violent. Even into my teens and 20s.
That’s a LOT of the time to feel like shit, I’d at least tell your doctor.
I am 47 and was on the pill but stopped last year because it was scaring me. Now I’m having periods again that are heavy and make me feel tired, headachy, emotional and stuff (today, in fact), and also aren’t 28 days apart like they used to be but more like 3 weeks. But most of the time I feel ok. I’ll be happy when periods get less frequent and go away.
I know this is going to sound like the child-free asshole blaming the parents, but, like you said, that’s really weird and concerning that the kid goes right to punching his friend in the fucking face when he’s upset. Like where does that even come from. I’m not at all saying they raised him to think it’s okay to punch a girl, but SOMETHING is going on there to make him act out like that in anger. Something was definitely going on in my house as a kid that made me occasionally haul off and hit someone.
Wtf, how are boys thinking it’s ok to punch girls????
Right, I really don’t care about your ip either. Your posts about moving out did not sound real. When you lie on here, you’re not going to get helpful advice. This is an advice site. People can’t help you if you don’t tell the truth. Same with therapists. You have to be honest or you can’t progress.
Right now, FYI, your ip is changing with almost every post.
Do you want me to email you screenshots of the post where you said “I’m sitting in my room right now looking at my packed boxes,” with your ip displayed above it, and then your post where you said “I’m in my new apartment right now,” and the same exact ip above it, the next day? Or what? Why are you still at this?
Btw, I’m on my phone on data, and my ip just changed in the short drive to a restaurant. It’s subtly different now than when I posted in the car.
