Kate
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It’s not a good sign that he’s told you multiple times he’s really interested and wouldn’t respond if he wasn’t. What’s that in response to? Have you questioned multiple times whether he’s interested? That’s a bit much. If you’re not both out of town and he’s not available for dates, he’s not interested.
I feel like that’s a “young” / millennial thing. People in their mid 30s and older would just be like, hey, so how did you meet Dave? They have better social skills, and dating isn’t as weird / vague as I think it is with younger people.
Actually yeah, I have a credit card that he has his own version of, so he can buy relevant stuff on that card, like, say, the dog’s vet bill or something I want for myself and he can pick it up for me. And he has an Amex that I have a version of, which we use on vacation and stuff.
Honestly, lots of different setups can work, as long as you don’t get too hung up on splitting everything precisely- remember in The Joy Luck Club, the husband was like, this is your ice cream and tampons, you owe me $x, and it was awful. And, as long as it’s pretty easy for you both and you check in about how it’s going.
What we did (and keep doing, as we’ve merged retirement portfolios but keep other money separate) is:
He pays certain bills plus does all the food shopping, and I pay certain bills. Once a month, we add up all the bills we each paid, and each divide our total in half. Whoever’s half is lower owes the other one some money to make it even, and direct deposits that into the other one’s account. It’s quick and easy.
Except for mortgage, which is pro-rated based on income, we split everything 50/50, which… he does eat more food, but he also puts in the labor to buy it all and haul it upstairs. It works out.
When we go out, we split it on 2 cards or take turns.
WhenWhich is why you lurk on here and “chime in” regularly.
If your mutual timeline has you getting married this Christmas, i think you should be discussing in some detail.
I agree if you can’t see yourself calling them the nickname to their face, or asking “would you mind if I called you Masshole Matt,” then you shouldn’t use it in your phone, to friends, or at all… just too much risk that they see / hear it and get mad or hurt.
And watch this music video!
You’re okay, Ale. The holidays are whatever. Don’t paint a picture in your head of everyone living their best holiday life except you. You’ve got 11 days off from work. Enjoy it. Give yourself treats. Get a cozy set of lounge clothes or a sweater in a sale. Get your nails done. Hang out with your parents a bit. Read good books. See a movie. Cook something if you want. Sleep. It’s okay.
Once my ex was trying to get back together, and promised me a trip to California where we’d fly into SF, rent a convertible, drive through “wine country,” and end up in San Diego for a wedding. I totally fell for it. We ended up flying to L.A. and staying at his sister’s apartment who was out of town. Her apartment was beyond dirty – really gross and filthy. My bf was so grossed out, he started trying to clean it right away. But we stayed there instead of going to a hotel, and slept in her room with 500 stuffed animals.
He had a complete freak out / meltdown because the L.A. freeways are so different and weird to drive on, and I personally can’t read a map, and this was in like 2005 before smartphones and GPS. I had to call my dad and be like, wtf should I do? I want to get on a plane and come home. He told me not to leave my bf there, and talked me down.
So I booked a resort in Palm Springs, told my bf to pack up his shit, get in the car, stfu except for reading the map, and I would drive. So I got us there, and he was happy as a clam sitting by the pool in Palm Springs. I was like, are you doing work? He said no, he was making a spreadsheet of our receipts so far, to keep track of how much I owed him, basically.
So, yeah. There’s waaaaay more than that, and I broke up with him as soon as we got back, but we were on and off for like 5 more years. I was crazy back then.
You’re not alone…
Yeah, that sucks. It happened to me a couple months ago. I hadn’t seen him in 6 years, and I had been to a million social events with his friends. We had managed to avoid each other by looking at the e-vite RSVPs, until this guy started using texts to invite people (obviously to hide the guest list). I thought everyone knew we don’t go to the same things, but he walked in and I was like, oh fucking shit. I stayed for another hour and then ghosted out the back door. It really sucked and made me feel gross too. His wife wasn’t there and my husband was out of town. Just weird. All I said to him was, “Heeey, R… Awesome.”
I lmao at engagement photos!
