Kate
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Yeah… I don’t recommend trying to do online dating if your self-esteem is in the toilet and you haven’t thoroughly read up on how it works, best practices, what to watch out for, red flags, etc. It’s hard enough for someone like me who had decent self-esteem AND had read a bunch of books and blogs about it AND this was before apps. You’re just not set up to succeed without okay self-esteem + knowledge. And then you’ll get discouraged and feel worse.
That said, if this is what you wanna do right now, definitely feel free to use the dating thread in the chat forum to get feedback on your experience, and advice.
Oh, Wendy beat me to it.
My only other suggestion would be, if you’re getting a haircut soon, and you like how they style it, plan to spend some time that day getting a good headshot in (I really recommend a selfie, it’s so much more likely you’ll get a great angle on yourself), as well as go out with a friend and have them take a full-length standing shot. I did this for a buddy of mine who was helping me with my plants. He’s a horticulturist and I took pics of him outside with the plants. He got a Tinder date that very night! He ended up getting stuck in a relationship with her that he wasn’t very into, but that’s another story.
Fuckin’ A!
One other quick thought, which Wendy may have mentioned too, is the emphasis on writing and looking for material could send a message that you’re dating to look for content for your blog or book wherein you’re going to tear apart guys you date. I know, you’re not, but a lot of women have “dating” blogs where they just shit on the guys who contact them. I’d downplay it for that reason, and also to make room for other things about yourself.
We had some very specific “hooks” in mine, to ktfran’s point. In “what im doing with my life,” I said I was getting my only tattoo removed, and that was gonna keep me busy for a while because it takes forever.” Looking at my inbox this morning, a bunch of the guys asked about that and a few other very specific things I had mentioned. I had one pic of my dog in it looking ridiculous, and guys said he looked cool and asked his name.
Just leave it blank. It was blank in my profile I just looked at, but didn’t show up as blank. That header wasn’t even there, but I remember that being a profile section. You didn’t have to complete every section.
If you HAVE to answer it, maybe say something along the lines of, “it depends. I might be working on my quest for the holy grail of tacos, or I might be catching up on ____ (insert show here) or wine-ing down with some co-workers.” Some bullshit like that. You could throw your favorite video game in the middle of that. Don’t LIE, but think of a few different things you actually have done on a Friday or would do.
Women tend to use “just” a lot as a modifier. “I just thought…” “Just wanted to check in,” etc. It diminishes the value of what you’re saying and thinking and doing, makes it sound less important. “I think we should,” “I’m following up,” are more assertive alternatives. I could say in a profile that “I just want a guy who’s kind,” or I could say, “I’d like to find a guy who would enjoy doing x, y, or z with me.”
Look, your value is the same as anyone else’s. You’re a human being worthy of love like everyone else. For a dating profile, you need to create a concise, interesting picture of who you are in order to attract your audience. Which will probably be a different audience than mine or Miss Dre’s or Fyodor’s.
@Ron, I didn’t fill that part out on OKC (you can skip parts), because what’s a good answer to that one anyway? I’m usually exhausted and get in bed right after eating a bowl of soup? I usually have a hot date? I’m typically doing shots at the bar near work and hooking up with this guy Andrew I work with?
I stopped saying “just” completely in my work emails, but I do still say it in my regular writing and conversation all the time. Good advice, Wendy.
@Fyodor, yeah, he totally did. It was just weird that that’s literally ALL he said. Who knows, maybe I did reply. It was a weird time.
PS, you’re lying, I’ve seen pictures of you interacting with horses on a farm ????
