Kate
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I don’t do sports either. I don’t feel shitty about it. My “active” picture was me in a dance club. Yours could be a travel picture or whatever you do for fun.
Looking at my inbox though, one guy asked me if I go to Gold’s Gym, and nothing else. Which I did at the time. I don’t think I replied to that one.
Seriously, it’s not bad. Mine SUCKED when I first wrote it. This isn’t meant to be critical, just to be objective strangers picking up on stuff that Joe K Cupid might see in your profile.
She said she’s a sports fan, sheesh!
“Heatherly, ironically I’m a huge sports fan. I have been since I was little. I used to go out to watch games on the weekend but it sucks going by myself. Most of my friends aren’t into sports.”
You really think I’d recommend someone lie in their dating profile?
That’s not bad, actually. Can you get Wendy your username and/or screenshot the pics you used? [email protected].
My two cents: Too many mentions of wanting to be a writer / writing. One would be enough. There are also 2 references to “avid gamer.” References to sarcasm don’t read well in a dating profile. I know what you mean, but still, I’d drop that. Overall, I do get the impression of a kinda funny geek, which will certainly have its audience, but I think there’s more you could say to make yourself sound like a warm, fun, active person (let’s have one sports reference!) who can bring some good qualities to the relationship table. I think you could beef up your “What you’re looking for in a partner” too. Being able to carry on a conversation with you sounds a little challenging and intimidating, and being able to open jars is just brute strength. You want to convey more about what you want in a partner, what you’d like to do together. I think there’s opportunity to show more personality in your “things I can’t do without” section too.
PS, I had to re-activate my old profile in order to sign in, and the in-box is full of messages from 2012 that are actually pretty encouraging. I got a lot of compliments on my well-written profile, references to things I’d mentioned in it, questions about things in it, and comments about my smile. Very little rude or gross or “hey sexy” type stuff, although maybe I deleted it at the time. This was all after Wendy overhauled it.
I do notice all my pics are smiling, most showing teeth. None of them are even “touched up” either, because that wasn’t really a thing back then, but standards are higher now I think. The smile and looking natural I think made me seem approachable, and the text made me sound smart and down to earth. I am not a beauty, fwiw, just “cute.”
And seriously, get a free selfie app if you don’t have one. You can also use it on your front cam to have a friend take pictures of you. My husband needed a headshot a while back for work, and I had him stand in front of a plain wall wearing his zip-up with the work logo on it, stand up straight but relax his body and arms, SMILE, and then I did a few edits to polish him up. I’m not a photographer, and this picture ended up in a magazine ad for his company.
I realized I forgot to mention, I used Wendy’s profile review and re-write service when I was 36-37 and online dating after a terrible relationship. She nicely told me some of my pictures weren’t good, and she did a great job re-packaging my text and cutting things that were potential flags. I had been avoiding Match because I knew my shitty ex was on there, but the same day my male co-worker finally made me go on Match, I got a wink from a guy, we went on a date, and ended up getting married. We are an excellent match.
Something isn’t adding up.
First of all, forget Reddit, I’m sure I’d get 3s and 5s if I put my picture up on that shithole, but it would in no way be an accurate representation of my attractiveness to men.
Also, your friends haven’t really helped you, have they? I sense they’re not telling you what you need to know to overhaul your profile so it gets you the attention you want. Usually it does take a stranger. People who give advice about your profile and pictures do not charge an arm and a leg. Wendy used to charge under $50. A guy once even posted his profile here and got advice that he said increased his “hits” right away. The dating blogger AndThatsWhyYoureSingle offers (or did offer in the recent past and could probably give you a referral) this service online and via phone. It’s not crazy expensive and don’t you think it’s worth it?
Like people have been saying, looks can’t be your only hurdle to finding love. Conventionally not-very-attractive people find love every day. Your profile needs to have a nice, high quality head and shoulders shot where you’re smiling a little and people can tell what you look like. It needs a full body shot where you’re standing. It needs an active or outdoor or sporty shot. No sunglasses or hats.
Do you honestly have all three? Are they truly good pics? One can be a selfie. Get an app like YouCamPerfect that improves your selfie quality over your phone’s back cam, do your hair and makeup, and play around with filters and angles and lighting. I had my hair done yesterday and I threw on a blouse and went and sat down at my home desk and took a new LinkedIn profile pic. It took a little time to get it how I wanted it, but I was happy with the end result.
If your profile says fun, positive things, mentions your interest in sports a little, and isn’t full of dating profile red flags, and you have the right pics, you should be getting hits.
Want to paste at least the text from your profile here? We can tell you how it sounds.
I think you should go alone. I don’t mean couples’ counseling. Especially if your dad was an addict and you may be unconsciously playing out some childhood dynamic (we all do to some extent). I also hear denial. An addiction counselor should be able to give you the advice and perspective you need here.
Yes, I get all that. Are you familiar with addiction? At least read up on it. Of course you love him, but unfortunately, love does not overcome addiction. Addiction is more powerful.
No, you’re not wrong. Maybe someone will come on here and convince you why you should be comfortable with this bullshit (the lying, the addiction, the putting his employability in jeopardy), or maybe they’ll give you the magic code to get him to stop. Really really do go see a counselor who specializes in families of addicts.
I think you answered your question. You can’t tolerate this, he’s not going to stop, you can’t have kids with him, and you’ve unfortunately found out too late that you’re not compatible. I’d still go talk too somebody, but I don’t see how this would work out, resolve itself, be okay, whatever. I think you need to call it a loss.
