Kate
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I think there’s a lot more he could tell her. She may want to know what his motivation was for going. What kept him going back. How did he feel about it. What were his feelings about the women there. What stopped him finally. How does he know he won’t do it again. She can try to articulate her concerns and what about it bothers her or makes her think differently about it. His answers should give her clues about who he is, what he believes, whether she can trust him, if she can live with this.
I personally still think it’s gross, Ron doesn’t, Julie Catharine doesn’t, BGM probably doesn’t, and isn’t that cool? That we can all think differently about the same thing? And we’re all people in the world? Wow.
Guys, that’s all fine, but unfortunately if you try to just leave something like that and take it off the table for discussion, it will erode your relationship and possibly do irreparable damage. They. Need. To. Talk. About. It. And maybe! Maybe maybe maybe! She’ll come to understand his reasons for frequently going to the brothels, and perhaps it will even bring them closer and they’ll get to know each other a little better, how bow da?
@Ktfran, Zoetry is the highest-tier brand in the AM Resorts chain, which also includes Secrets and Now, and I’ve heard it’s nice. It’s more expensive though for sure. When we ask the locals what’s the best place, they always say the Grand Velas though, not Zoetry, not sure why.
Also, we tend to stay no more than 20-30 mins from the airport, so like, not Tulum. Zoetry might be farther out than where we usually go.
Because yeah, to my point and NS’s point, she DOES feel really disturbed by it, which is fair enough, and talking it through and understanding his feelings about it may put her mind at ease, whereas his continued refusal to discuss anything related to his past does tend to doom their marriage (though granted she should not have snooped).
“In fact, he is in a real relationship, he is married to the LW and she never expressed that he does not respect her or treat her as a real person.”
See, I think the jury is kind of still out on that one, given they were pushed into marriage and it’s all still so new. He also still doesn’t seem to have been willing to tell her *anything* about his life in Australia, which is weird.
I agree with JulieCatharine’s point though that since there’s a marriage and kid involved, this is worth working on, which is why my advice from page 1 has been to talk about it, and if she can’t get anywhere talking about it, get help.
Not exactly, only if you personally don’t see any difference between routinely visiting prostitutes and having multiple sex partners. Many of us do.
I personally look differently at a guy who had multiple sex partners (normal) vs a guy who routinely paid for sex (not normal, as it seems only 1 in 10 ever have). Right or wrong, I’d think a brothel enthusiast either cannot, or has no interest in, relating to real women and forming normal human bonds with them; may not see women as people/equals but as something they can buy. Now, that might be true also of a guy who just had a bazillion hookups on Tinder and no relationship history, and I’d be wary of both. I prefer a guy with progressive relationship experience who hasn’t just routinely used women for sex.
Sure. We took a chance on a couple that we didn’t like as much, in Riviera Maya, and the trips weren’t quite as enjoyable.
PS the first two weeks of December are the best imo. Rates are great and fewer kids.
Well are you looking to go to Cabo or Riviera Maya? We don’t go to Cabo for long weekends because it’s too far from Boston, but Riv Maya is a direct flight from Boston to Cancun. I’m not sure how it works from Chicago, but I would look for direct flights so you don’t get fucked on your connection.
In Riviera Maya, we loved Secrets Capri probably the most (adults only, small, really nice and fun), but we also loved Now Jade, the caveat being you need to book the premier club thingy so you have access to the very quiet no-kids pool. It’s so worth it.
In Cabo we go to Hacienda Encantada, which is 10 mins outside of town but with a free shuttle. Definitely go all-inclusive. It’s SuPER chill and low key and beautiful, but if you want more of an in-town party atmosphere, Lianne’s place the Sandos Finisterra was good too. If you have a big budget, Grand Velas is supposed to be the best.
No, it’s totally normal to cover the birthday boy’s tab. It’s weird if you don’t.
All right, well, you did say you were pushed into marriage.
That’s good that you talked about it and seeing a counselor.
