Kate
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It’s great if they text you right away, but you’ve still got to send that text, that night or by, say 10 the next morning. Especially if he picked up the tab, to say thank you. I say just send it right away, before you forget or your head goes into that place where you want to wait to see if he texts first, and then some time passes and he hasn’t, and you’re like, shit, I should have texted him, “thanks, had a great time,” but now it’s kind of awkwardly late to do that, blah blah.
You literally have to send the “thanks, had a great time” text after the first date. It’s mandatory. Just like a thank you note after an interview. Will not sending one keep you from getting the job or a second date? Not if they’re really into you, but regardless, you should. You can add that you’d love to do it again, if you want. If the guy doesn’t bite, he’s not crippled with shyness, he’s not clueless (do you want a clueless guy anyway?), he’s just probably not interested.
My experience was, I’d send a text after the date (next morning) saying I had a great time, and thanks. If he didn’t respond with a “want to go out again?” then he wasn’t interested in going out again. I could text him and suggest a second (or third) date, and he’d agree, but he wouldn’t be proactively getting in touch with me to set up dates, which means he’s not interested in proactively setting up dates. Or in other words, not interested enough. I wouldn’t say don’t text a guy and ask him out, but have low expectations. And definitely put the ball in his court after that to see if he follows up.
Yeah, and just like Miranda, this is kind of fucked up.
I don’t know, you just know. It’s different for everyone. It’s definitely *not* just imagining a future with them though.
I will tell you, I spent a couple years living in Europe with my first husband, on a NATO base where any jobs had to be reserved for the local spouses. I just nannied, and it was… awesome. Get it, girl.
Yeah, those were some red flags. But it could have been worse, it could have been an absolute shitshow that ended with you not leaving on your own terms.
If she says no, they can’t make an offer right now, thank her and say that’s too bad, you were very excited about the opportunity, and definitely keep you in mind for future. You could technically take the new job and keep pursuing the other one, but… word might get around, I don’t know.
No, your experience with your second company wasn’t normal.
I’d say talk to the hiring manager, see what her deal is, but let her know that you’ve got another offer that they’re waiting for you to accept. Ask if they’re in a position to make you an offer… after all, you interviewed with them.
Like, I don’t think there’s any harm in talking to the hiring manager on the phone, but I’d guess it might lead to another round of interviews, rather than an immediate offer.
If you signed the other offer and back out, it sucks for them because they may not have anyone else great to give the job to at this point, and they’ll be annoyed. It could hurt your rep. And you definitely wouldn’t want to do it without another offer you want to take, which could take long enough that a few weeks go by and the firm that gave you the first offer is really pissed.
Did you accept the offer in writing, via email?
Did you sign the offer?
Yes, you should send them emails.
I just met with the CEO of a tech company and I really liked him. I didn’t get a crazy or arrogant or weird vibe from him at all, and I’m used to crazy CEOs. I met him at the Ritz, which is fun, and I met the hiring manager last week at a coffee shop. It keeps feeling like a good online date that could go somewhere. I don’t think there are any “next steps” after this, so I hope they also feel like it’s a fit. They seem to.
