Kate
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
This stopped making sense, but the right thing to do is to encourage him to go to Nigeria to follow his dream and grab this once in a lifetime opportunity that’s patiently waiting for him there. Do long-distance and see if your soulmate bond is truly there. Visit him. Let him visit you. Watch, does he talk about his next visit, and plan it, and does it actually happen. Does he act like a human being around your family. After a year and a half, assess whether you’re ready to take the next step, get engaged and maybe move to Europe.
If he chooses instead to stay in Dubai, watch. Does he have gainful long-term employment with progression opportunity? Can he hold a job? Can he visit a restaurant without freaking out at the staff? Can he be a part of your life that includes spending time with your family on good terms? Are you happy more than 80% of the time with him? Does he cause you stress or is he a calming influence? Pay attention to all of this over the next year and a half and then assess.
Okay, but earlier you wrote, “ he wants to move to Nigeria for work. He wants to go there to work because he thinks he has once in a lifetime opportunity,” so I don’t understand how the news that he’d be going to Nigeria upset him so much that he couldn’t be polite. Especially because it sounds like it’s totally his choice to go or not go. I don’t get it.
4 months is soon though to say you will give up a job that’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, don’t you think? Do you think if you tell him you don’t want to go but to please follow his dream, he’ll go?
And I still think it’s completely unacceptable to not speak to the family of the person you think is your potential life partner when you meet them. That’s very much a red flag, that he’s unable to regulate himself to behave normally or even politely.
Yeah, if it’s mostly dog walking and HH stuff, there are resources for that which you can pay for if you don’t want your parents living with you and speaking their minds about whatever. Unfortunately with parents I think if you need and accept that degree of help, you also have to take the bad with the good, and I’m totally speaking from experience seeing a dynamic like this all my life with my sibling. You do kind of forfeit your ability to do like Leslie said, and not to have to listen to their opinions on how you do things. It’s a trade-off.
@LadyE, what are the reasons your parents (one at a time) are living with you? Is it that you need full-time care, or is it because of their own problems that this is going on? If you need help with just certain things, like dog walking or cleaning, there are people you can pay for that. Even cooking, I mean there are services that can do everything from being you groceries to fully prepared meals.
If you require full-time care from a parent, then I think you do have to put up with some of their…you know, opinions. And if this is getting untenable for you, I really think it’s time to put in some work and get more serious about your mental health. You might need a new therapist who can better address your current circumstances. And maybe an updated med program.
The thing is, you do function. You work, and you can pull yourself together for a night out. You care about skin care. What do you think you would need in order to live independently? What things could you pay someone to do?
ETA, could your pulmonary condition qualify you for some degree of home health aide?
I think so, yeah.
Now the new thing is monkey pox 🙈
Maybe, you might have longer legs than me too. I used a Fitbit for years and now an Apple Watch. Unfortunately I think the Fitbit was more accurate.
To get 10k I have to take a 25-min walk in the morning and evening, plus walk the dog a couple times. But on a normal workday pre-pandemic I’d get 7500 no problem and it wasn’t hard to get 10k. Working from home youd get just hundreds if you didn’t make a huge effort. And that really is bad for people’s mental and physical health.
7k steps is great! I was actively trying to lose weight with 10k and it was working. It doesn’t have to be 10k by any means.
I think they’re picking up on something about him that you may not be ready to see. It IS unacceptable to meet your girlfriend’s family for the first time and not talk to them. And his career situation sounds dicey.
And yeah, everything in the comment above.
Yeah you can start with a much smaller goal!
Oh, fuck. I’m sorry.
Well maybe it’s not so much about increasing the Zoloft but maybe tweaking something. I mean, a pool is great, and can be part of your exercise, but you’ll also need to walk every day. My mental health was poor in the beginning of 2021 when I was barely going outside, and it stabilized when I started doing 10k steps a day in addition to 20-minute weights sessions (beach body, now Apple Fitness+). Totally not comparing my mental health or situation to yours, but walking is so important, and so is going to bed and getting up at the same time.
