Kate
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That’s such bullshit, because I had a direct report struggling big time with time management and deadlines. My boss told me to go to HR (do NOT ever do that btw), and our HR business partner was like, “uh, you need to be really prescriptive, and you need to put meetings on his calendar to check in.” Like if I told him to do something I had to be super clear when it needed to be done, and proactively, myself, set up meetings to review the drafts. It’s not bullying to tell someone they need to work on their time management. If you implied they were mentally slow, or lazy due to race or something, that’s obviously harassment. Or there are other things you could say that might be mean but not harassment and might fit into a pattern of bullying or hostile workplace. But asking someone to speak up if they need more time is normal coaching, what managers are expected to do.
Ok got it. I do feel like this is a distorted view though: “I just wanted to be “chosen” instead of being put second to porn.”. Like, that might prevent you from forming a healthy relationship with a good man. It might be something to dig into further. Unless they have a problem / addiction, men aren’t choosing between porn and an actual partner, or putting porn over their relationship. They choose a partner and may also consume some porn. It’s not / doesn’t have to be a competition at all.
And IDEK let’s put this thread to bed, you can start a new one if you need advice on something else.
Thank you for being the bigger person.
Let’s not do this, please. You both have made some points, but now it’s just fighting between a teen and a millennial. It’s not uncovering anything new of value.
I went back and read your earlier post. It does sound like you have a potentially debilitating fear of being alone, and the intolerance of porn seems like it’s about needing a guy to prove he’s 100% devoted to you, with eyes for no other women? That kind of jibes with the lack of female friendships you talk about. I’m definitely not a psychologist but those two things seem to go together. So then after your breakup (he did end up moving out, right?), you find yourself spending time with this 50 y/o married skeeveball because you don’t want to be alone and haven’t developed healthy female friendships or other good ways to spend your time. Does this make sense? Is it a path you’ve explored in therapy?
You do sound really really young, but that could be an effect of having been through Covid isolation at 12 years old, overprotective parents, neurodiversity, and whatever else. It sounds like you’re trying!
Can you link to the Reddit post please?
No, I probably wouldn’t be able to get into a relationship with a snorer. I have too many lifelong issues with sleep. If my spouse started snoring like that after we were together, I’d have them get checked out and look into all possible solutions. If nothing else worked, I think we’d have to sleep in separate rooms, but that would suck on vacation. Once I had to share a room with my aunt who’s a heavy snorer and I literally did not sleep at all. I think the next night I slept on a cot or the floor in my parents room because all the other rooms were taken.
And @theladyE, they should be talking to you about those risks. It may be why they put you on that lower-dose pill. For me it was because I was 35+ they put me on a different one to lessen the risk of stroke/clotting. I think that’s true for everyone, normal weight or not.
And then a few years ago I was having other weird alarming issues that i honestly can’t remember right now, so I just stopped taking the pill. I don’t know if it’s really understood or recommended to have women taking it continuously for years in their 30s and 40s. Probably not the best option for everyone. An IUD might be better.
Since I went off it, my period came back heavier, more frequent, and with more mood issues / pms, but I haven’t experienced anything weird or scary. It’s like, at this point how does the risk of me actually getting pregnant compare with the risk of a serious health issue.
