Kate
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Guys, this Fashion Pass rental clothes subscription… most things I’ve gotten still have the tags on, brand new. If you want to keep something, there’s a good discount, AND you earn credits for purchases and for posting reviews, so you end up getting new clothes for like half off. I’m on Cape Cod for the weekend and just threw the package that came on Friday into my tote bag. I had an outfit on last night and a waitress who wasn’t even serving us came over to say she loved my top and where did I get it. My family was also raving about the whole outfit. It’s great also since I’m in the process of losing pandemic weight (6 lbs down, several more to go), so I can order stuff that’ll fit now and not keep it if it will be too big later.
This sounds gross but I wish they had swimsuits. I’d totally rent swimsuits from here because they’d likely be brand new, but even if not they’d be sanitized. I can’t find any cute swimsuits to buy this year for some reason. Nothing is jumping out at me.
It’s also frankly not polite to give someone a breakdown of exactly why you didn’t feel it with them. Would it be nice or advisable for me to explain to a guy, “I just couldn’t get past your goofy face and be attracted to you even though I really wanted to,” or “You seemed bitter and weird that I told you I work at a company where you interviewed but didn’t get hired,” or “the way you spoke about your ex creeped me out,” or “it’s super sus that you tried to invite me over to your place after one date, claiming your daughter is at a slumber party?”
Don’t even answer that, Robert. It’s not.
Someone who’s never getting a second date shouldn’t have any checklist at all. Literally the only thing to be thinking about is, would I have a nice time with this person? Definitely get rid of any requirements like “must not be a huge sports fan” or “must love Christmas activities.” Those things are not even important. My dad is a big football fan, my mom doesn’t give a shit about sports, but they actually can be together and watch a game. I like to have some alone time, so it’s cool with me when my husband is out rowing. Someone could have never been jazzed about Christmas parades but still be happy to go to some of them with the right partner. You’re missing a huge set of truths about relationships. Hobbies and interests are only the surface stuff. A couple can have an extremely strong connection and make each other a priority even if they don’t have shared pasttimes. You are operating only on a very superficial surface level, and that’s another thing women are sensing about you.
Right, I was thinking too that they probably don’t want or need to hear the specific deal-breaker. I can only think of one instance where I was interested in knowing why a guy didn’t want another date. He said it was because he really wanted kids and I didn’t. Maybe that was the real reason, maybe not. But unless the woman is actually reaching out to you and suggesting another date, and you don’t want one, don’t contact her to give her an explanation. She doesn’t want it. And a polite no thank you is totally sufficient.
Also, consider that you believe women are kicking you aside and throwing you away, but you believe that YOU are merely stepping aside, and doing what’s good for THEM. That’s telling.
Like, you even directly state this yourself, that even if you don’t feel the spark, you would keep hanging out because you could have fun together.
Let that sink in.
Women are the same way. But you’re not connecting the dots here: that they DON’T think they could have fun with you. You assume they “require” an instant spark. That is not true.
There’s a lot to unpack here. I can only comment on some of it.
First, there’s some angry, violent language that you may not even be aware of, but it jumps off the page at me, a woman. Ignorant, infuriating, kicked aside, thrown away… These words do reflect the truth of how you feel about dating, and yes, people pick up on it.
Next, women don’t have to feel a “spark” to want to go out with you again. Women will give you more than one chance even if there’s no spark, just to make sure. They have to *not feel negative* about you. They have to feel they would not have a *bad* time on a second date. I definitely didn’t feel like, “yes!” on my first date with my husband, but I went out with him again because I felt like I’d have a good enough time with him and he was pleasant and kind of fun. And we did really hit it off on the second date.
Guys I didn’t go on a second date with, of course I felt they were a good human being, but I also felt I would not have a good time on a second date.
You’re getting turned down because women feel they could not have a decent time with you on a date, or would even be unsafe. Again, that is not just because there was no spark, it is because something is actively negative and wrong. Please don’t ignore this and brush it off. It’s the truth. In your 20s you weren’t bitter and angry with a victim mentality, but you are now. That’s absolutely part of it. The way you talk about mechanics for example. That kind of anger at the world is coming across to your dates whether you know it or not.
And dismissing someone because she’s very into a sport? My husband is so into rowing that I laughed at him on the first date. His job is in rowing. He has website and a podcast. He rows every day and races. He was wearing a USA shirt with oars. He has oars tattooed on his leg. He’s ridiculous. I never played a sport in my life. I’m unathletic. I don’t even watch sports. I literally do not care. Yet we have a soulmate connection.
Your POV is very simplistic: If you want to share different things, it won’t work. Not true. Women “require” an instant spark, instant gratification. Not true. More likely they feel a gut intuition that something is off, and we listen to our guts because it literally saves our lives. Despite us regularly pointing this out, you dismiss and refuse to try to understand it.
And don’t come back at me with, “but I don’t talk this way on dates.” You don’t have to. It’s going to be apparent in your energy. Is your therapist a woman? I kind of hope so. She would absolutely pick up on this stuff.
Wait a minute, how are they getting the holes? Just from rubbing against the fabric of jeans? Did/would you ever do the “French tuck,” where you tuck just a little bit of the front of the shirt into your pants?
Yeah, that’s for at least one dose. Fully vaccinated in MA is 50-some percent.
As a country, unfortunately, we will not reach herd immunity because there are enough people who just will not get it. They have flipped the narrative so that if you get vaccinated you’ll: die in less than a year, not be protected since only antibodies from infection actually protect you and that’s somehow permanent, make other people sick by shedding virus, somehow not protect people who can’t get vaccinated (I forget how that one works), suffer side effects forever, die immediately, not be able to donate plasma to Red Cross, etc etc etc.
It varied a lot. In Massachusetts everything was closed up pretty tight until suddenly 2 days ago they lifted all restrictions. So a week ago you couldn’t sit at the bar in a restaurant, restaurants were at I think max 50% capacity, masks always worn indoors, extremely low capacity at Fenway Park, not sure if anyone was allowed in for hockey or basketball, but if so it was low capacity with masks. Then this weekend everything suddenly opened up, including night clubs, and there’s no more mask mandate. You can go in Dunkin Donuts mask-free. You can go to a packed Bruins game.
We are one of 10 states I think that has enough people vaccinated for herd immunity: Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New Mexico and Hawaii have reached the 70 percent vaccinated threshold. But other states like Florida and Texas are lower and had all but removed restrictions a while ago I think.
It’s under $10! I was skeptical. I like drugstore skin and makeup but not usually hair products, but it really works. I would be suspicious of using it regularly, like it might build up, but every now and then when you need something extra. My boss today said my hair looked lovely and that I inspire her. ?
Ohhh… I haven’t had layers in a while because my hair isn’t thick, but I feel like with the round brush and large barrels you could get the bouncy blow-dry look.
Have you heard of L’Oreal 8-second Wonder Water? You put it on your hair after shampooing, then use conditioner if you want, or not, and it makes your hair wonderfully smooth, shiny, and behaving? I have used it twice now and both times had a great hair day. It uses amino acids, which so does the salon smoothing treatment (Inca Glow) I get for summer. Its claims sound too good to be true, but apparently not.
