Kate
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Yeah, we have all gotten together with family and friends, and we call it a calculated risk. But then we’re screaming all kinds of vitriol at people asking for advice who mentioned they went on a date or hung out with friends. Unless we’ve stayed in our home for 8 months with occasional trips to the grocery store or pharmacy, we really shouldn’t be doing that. We’re all fucked.
Now they’re saying that small household gatherings are contributing to the uptick in cases.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/14/health/us-coronavirus-wednesday/index.html
Basically EVERYONE is doing this, even the sanctimonious judgmental folks. Somehow they think there’s no risk to getting together with friends or family. I was SO freaking pissed recently when my boss invited 4 of us over and claimed we’d be outside on the deck and more than 6 feet apart. I pictured in my mind that we’d have chairs set up in different corners of the deck. Nope, we were seated at a table, just normal. And she socializes with lots of different people. That was the first time in several months I’ve gotten together with anyone but my parents (which, not even that is “safe”), and now forget it, I’m not doing this anymore. People are nuts.
I was being sarcastic about dating your coworker. Because, you know, another terrible decision. Get it?
Girl, live your life with your best friend. Go for it. Just don’t marry him.
And for heaven’s sake, if you’re going to be inheriting money, please get some financial counseling so you’re prepared to manage that money properly.
I stopped believing much of what you’re saying after the first couple posts, but if this is true, you need to get serious about money management.
I’m also skeptical that he really paid all these penalty fees. If they’re putting all their money into a joint account, he doesn’t have separate money. “They” paid the fees. Meaning she probably did.
He probably doesn’t have credit, Ron.
Listen, they’re not inherently lazy. But they’ll do as little as they can get away with based on 1) how much they value the relationship, and 2) how much of the burden you jump in and carry for them. Stop overcompensating. Your posts here scream insecurity and low self worth. You’re bending over backward to accommodate a guy’s weaknesses because you think you have to to make a guy stick around.
Maybe you should.
And side note, but important, don’t ever discuss things like this with co-workers!
Ok, this:
“ I was always taught that it was bad form to try to break your friends up with their partners because if they stay together after you put it out there it will be hard for you to remain friends with a person who knows you hate their partner. ”
It’s not that it’s “bad form.” In fact true friends should be looking out for you and telling you if they think you should get away from your partner. It’s that you should *be careful* of doing that because of the reason you mentioned, that the person will probably end up staying in the bad relationship.
What you’re not getting is that *in spite of that,* these four people felt so strongly that you should dump this dud, that they ALL said, you know what, fuck it, I’m gonna just say it. That’s a big deal. You keep focusing on etiquette but it’s not the point.
“all i really consider marriage to be is dating with a better tax refund.”
Then don’t get married! A little bigger tax refund isn’t worth the risk of him wrecking your credit or whatever other costly mistakes.
“ My relationship with my partner works outside the above mentioned things”
Keep it as is then. Go back to separate accounts and just be a couple that lives together.
Why do you feel a need to marry him? If you don’t want to dump him, why not just live together with separate finances like LisforLeslie described above? That way he can’t wreck your financial standing, and you still get whatever benefits you feel you’re getting from the relationship? Why the need to marry, especially if kids or shared property aren’t in the plan?
You keep saying what “type” you are, but you’re flossing over the fact that it’s super weird to have all your friends telling you to dump a guy. Most friends will not do that unless they truly think it’s your only good option. Of course they would offer suggestions if they thought there were any. Do you see what I’m saying? They think the guy is a total dud, and not redeemable.
I don’t have kids and wasn’t thinking of kids when I gave my advice. I wasn’t at all thinking of buying a house either, because that seems like a permanent unreality for you two.
You just should not combine finances with or legally tie yourself to a person who’s this recklessly irresponsible and truly doesn’t care. You just… don’t do that in life. Why would you?
