anonymousse

Look, I grew up with a parent who was terrible with money. I picked up really bad habits from that. I made mistakes when I become independent. But that was in my late teens/early twenties and I promised myself I would do better. I made an effort to never spend more than I had. I made a budget and stuck to it. I still made mistakes on occasion, but they were truly mistakes- not a pattern of carelessness.

I just can’t see why- after combining accounts (that was a very bad idea) He has still repeatedly over-drafted the account. Like, a one time mistake I could understand. But multiple times in one year is a big deal. Making this many mistakes doesn’t seem like an accident anymore, it seems like he doesn’t give a shit enough to double check with you ever before making a big purchase. With your situation, no one should be spending a large amount of money without the other person okaying it (and honestly, it should never be okay.)

He is showing you in these SEVERAL overdrafts that he’s more than irresponsible with your money. He’s showing you he can’t be trusted. You tried to take the reins to better his situation and he’s not doing his part in even attempting to be responsible.

The housework thing…yet another example of disrespect, not caring. He knows you will do it, and he doesn’t care if that adds work to your life. That is being selfish. That is uncaring, and not an act of love. That you can’t or don’t want to consider these truths is sad. Your friends can see it. We can see it. You deserve better.

I think a meeting with a financial planner for yourself would be great.

He overdrafted your account- which affects your credit rating. It’s also cost you a lot of $$. Did he pay for that fuck up or did you? A late payment on your rent affects your relationship with your landlord, the recommendation they’ll give you when you leave and might affect your credit, too. This is not a small issue, this is a big deal. And his not chipping in at home is also a big fucking deal. He wants you to baby him. And you are!

Do you really think giving your grown adult boyfriend an allowance is the answer? That’s ridiculous. Your friends are right. Listen to them.

Get a new account, give him an ultimatum and leave the immature boy in your past. It is ridiculous he can’t adult at his age.

How long have you been together?

Why are you sharing an account?

I don’t think you should be sharing an account. Get your own account, split your bills, and get him doing 50% of the housework. Do you think he even has the capability of doing that? It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t care about the mess, he should know that you do and that should matter to him. That’s showing respect for you. When you are with the right person, they want to make you happy. They want to make your life easier and lessen the burden on you. That can be seriously as easy as doing the laundry or dishes. He sounds like a clueless baby or rather… uncaring. It’s sounds like he has played you for a fool. He’s got a slightly older woman, who does all the chores for him, pays all the bills, handles all of the mental load of being an adult that he should have been doing for a decade already.

He honestly does sound a like a teenager. Do you want to mommy him for the rest of his life? How does he not know to look at what you have in your account before buying something? How does he not know to ask you before he spends your money on a big ticket item? This is stuff most people learn much younger, especially if you’re both living paycheck to paycheck. And now because of his absolutely stupid mistake, your credit and rental history has been affected. He’s dragging you down with him.

No, you should absolutely not get him a debit card and let him spend freely. Do you care about saving money? Why is that even a possibility? This is another example of his incompetence and immaturity and disrespect. He should care about your shared financial fate and he shouldn’t be spending any money (besides food and necessities) without consulting you.

I really think this is NOT a minor issue at all. This is a big deal, especially at your age. (I’m a year older.) He is not showing you respect with this behavior. He should be learning how to handle adult issues if he never learned. He should not be putting this extra responsibility on you. Please, listen to your friends. They have pegged him right. He’s immature, and you’re older. This is not a good match. Set up a new account ASAP.

I have been losing more recently, but I have attributed it to stress and seasonal shedding. I think I shed more in spring and fall.

I have really fine hair and have been using Amika 3D volume and thickening shampoo and conditioner for maybe 6-8 months:

https://loveamika.com/products/3d-volume-and-thickening-shampoo

These products have “Redensyl” which supposedly helps stimulate hair follicles. I don’t know if it really works, but my hair has been pretty thick and full and I’ve been happy with the products. I don’t use it every wash, but I use it a few times a week. It does have a hefty amount of fragrance, but it doesn’t trigger a headache for me, which is unusual.

I am however, having some odd issues with routine bloodwork. I had to go in and have it tested again just a few days ago.

I voted by mail for years in WA state and voted by mail in the primaries this year. We drove close by to the county voting commission office and dropped off our ballots.

I’ll probably do that again.

ktfran- is it COJ you’re referring to? Because I saw those comments, too and was aghast/shocked…but then I actually do believe trolls/Russian bots would troll her page just to troll.

I cannot believe where we are at right now. Our president openly dismantling the USPS to stop mail in voting during a pandemic when many cannot leave their homes? It’s unbelievable to me that republicans are still backing that sorry excuse of a man.