kmtthat

MissD we are in exactly the same place. Bf is keen on doing it “the right way” so I know it will happen, but just mentally giving it space to happen (hoping by the end of the year). I will never bug a woman wanting to be married about when she is getting engaged ever again, even teasingly!

Hey everyone long time no talk! Just skimming the last few pages to catch up. Copa hope everything goes well with this new guy. And I hear you on caring that their place feels “adult”…no soap and hand towels is such a headscratcher (he just…rinsed and air dried? Or didn’t wash at all?!)

Things are ok with me. Since January bf and I found and bought a place, moved and lived together for the first time, I spent 4 months interviewing for and ultimately started a new job, and went through the devastating loss of my father. It’s been…a lot. and harder since he travels Mon-Thur (and sometimes Sun-Thur), though he made a huge effort to be very present back home while my dad was declining in his last month. I’m just looking forward to things mellowing out, because all of that is so challenging for a relationship. We’re planning a trip to Costa Rica for our 2 year anniversary and it’s impossible NOT to wonder if that’s when we’ll get engaged (we’ve talked about marriage, he asked my father, we have a 3 year timeline on kids since I’m about to be 34).

Anyone else go through weird vacation anxiety when hoping for/anticipating a proposal? I hate surprises and I feel like no matter how it happens I’ll know it’s about to happen, and he wants to make it a whole thing. Since he’s meeting me in London in three weeks (I’m there for work) and we are meeting friends in Paris over the weekend I already have friends saying TEE HEE maybe he’ll propose in Paris! Which man I don’t want ot get my hopes up and be unnecessarily sad if he doesn’t. It’s just people TELLING me “oh you’re going on a trip, he is sooo going to propose!”

You know you’re an adult when the first time you hear your city is on the short list for Amazon HQ you think “YES that would be amazing for my property value!!”

Mott street is definitely on the list! And Schwa 🙂 Now I am just secretly hoping to bf proposes sometime soon. Like this year ish. Just because I am so stinkin happy.

Thanks! And Wicker Park ish (just east of Ashland so technically not quite Wicker). Bf is super excited for all the breweries out that way haha.

“I’m not sure how many people who read this thread have had success with online dating. Does anyone know roughly how many people they met before they met their match? I’m curious. My therapist told me she met a lot of people (like, close to 100). A lot of people keep telling me it’s a numbers game.”

I think it is, and it isn’t. I was on Tinder for a few months when I met my S.O. When swiping I said yes to maybe 1 out of 300 people (picky AF but I would go through everyday to swipe) and of those I probably matched with 75%. Of those I matched with, maybe 50% would actually message me and like once in a blue moon turn into a date. I went on dates with three people before meeting him and I am dumbfounded it worked out, and thought I had to date a ton of guys to find the right one. I think it’s a shit shoot, and I feel stupid lucky. So all I can say is keep trying, and one day statistically it will work out.

Also, since we both live in the same city…if you ever want to meet up again grab a drink and just vent, I’m down! I get the not being from here and not 22, it can be hard to make friends in their 30s who aren’t married with kids and in the suburbs.

For me, things are great. 1 year anniversary with Canadian bf is in a few weeks and we are going to NYC to celebrate. the transition to him working in consulting has been really hard as he’s been gone a minimum of 4 days a week and missed out on some major events. Last month my grandma, who was like a mother to me, passed away after a bad fall (we had to put her on life support and I was there when we took her off and she passed). I spent weeks there while she was in the hospital and it was really hard to not have him there. With his new job, he couldn’t come for the funeral either, or my best friends wedding (which was three days after the funeral….seriously was the worst timing to be a bridesmaid). We just hit every hard thing at once, but it’s made us value more the time we have together and hasn’t made us fight or distant. Love him like crazy, and we are talking very seriously about buying a place in the spring, so things are good!

Glad I’m not the only one that feels a little crappy (even though I know I shouldn’t). I try not to compare myself to others, but it’s sometimes hard. My bf in the beginning talked about marriage and kids a lot, so now that its down to “ok, what does a timeline for that look like to you” it’s lot more real and he seems more hesitant (he says he definitely sees all that, but wants to do it the right way). I personally would rather NOT live together first, but for him, it’s a necessary step. He said live together for a year, then hopefully be engaged (all obviously depending on how well things are going) But I think he doesn’t want to be tied to specific timing. Whih I get, but man, part of me wants someone who is irrationally, head over heels, enthused about marrying me.

For me, I don’t want to become more intimate/intertwined (e.g. live together) if it’s not for sure going to be marriage. So my compromise is a living together without being engaged time limit. I think after 2.5 years of being together and year of living together and in your mid thirties it’s fair to be like “are we doing this or what?” I don’t want to be a wife in everything but name, and it’s hard for me to do things like spend time with his family for the holidays and getting close with them….I’ve had a lot of bfs, been close to a lot of families, and it hurts when it doesn’t work out. I have a fear of intimacy without commitment I guess. And I…don’t think that’s wildly unreasonable? He wants me to be 100% confident in our relationship and I feel 85% confident, but won’t be 100% until we’re engaged.