ktfran
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Congrats on a good session with a new therapist Ale!
Personally, I wouldn’t send an e-mail. And also personally, I would be a little freaked out if someone I did not know tried to contact me multiple times or multiple ways. But maybe because I’m weary and a woman.
I wouldn’t have your husband engage further. That’s a recipe for disaster.
First. Ver, the meeting the parents… exciting! I’m glad it went well. That’s so fun.
As far as dating a coworker goes… I can’t tell you if he’s interested but I do know that it takes a lot longer to make a move. I’ve had a lot of experience dating (and being twice engaged and once married) to a coworker. If the person cares about his or her job, they tread a lot more carefully.
Another example, my cousin married an ex-coworker. They were in different departments but he waited til he left the company to ask her out. I think they went on a date within a week of him leaving. They were both very interested prior.
So again, I don’t know if he’s interested. But him not asking you out isn’t really a indicator. Most work relationships are easier to start if you do group happy hours or outings where you get to know someone outside of the office.
Kate brings up excellent points on both compatibility and working together.
I’m marketing. The ex-fiance, he was IT. Another was an environmental engineer. Another a civil engineer. Now I’m married to an electrical engineer. The college boyfriend, we met at a summer job, but that’s different. Anyway, I don’t normally work on projects with these folks. When the husband has a proposal, I assign it to someone else. I don’t want to deal with that shit. Ooh… good story though… We were recently in a meeting together, sitting apart. After, one of the gentlemen I work a lot with asked a woman I work a lot with who I was married to. She told him it was the other guy in the room. We do a real good job of keeping it on the DL!
And EVERYTHING kate mentioned on compatibility.
My husband and I work at the same company. In fact, since college I’ve met nearly every man I’ve dated at work. I can only think of one where we met at a bar and the other I met through a coworker. It’s my thing I guess?
Also of note, after each break up, we were able to remain friendly and there were no issues.
It’s not for everyone though. I was careful about who I chose to date and already knew them prettt well.
I like Copa’s idea of hanging out outside the office. Get to know each other in a non-work setting and see if you’re compatible. Invite him to HH sometime. Or your stand up show?
Yes again to counseling. It helps. Really. It does.
Also, you don’t have to be a rapist to creep women out.
I keep thinking about this letter and there letter yesterday on the main page about the serial cheater. The later, I could handle. This is much more concerning.
I don’t think you really understand that you’re trying to control this woman’s behaviors and reactions. You’re disguising this control as a need to know to better yourself or concern for other men’s feelings. She’s being nice to you now because she’s afraid of you.
If a guy that I was casually dating said to me what you said to this woman, about her having to tell some other guy she’s not looking for exclusivity, I’d run far, far away. That’s super controlling and frankly, scary. She probably picked up on these vibes and decided she was no longer interested and tried to let you down easy. Even you contacting her about this party or show was unnecessary. You’re not making her jealous. I guarantee what’s she thinking is I wish this guy would leave me alone.
Again, if you can’t deal with what are normal dating behaviors, you shouldn’t date until you fix it.
I honestly do think you should consider counseling.
And I don’t recommend dating until you do some work on yourself.
Even the comment about another guy charming her more so she chose him is a little cringeworthy.
I hate to break it to you hhans, but not everything in life will be made clear to you. You’re going to have to learn to live with a little ambiguity. If that’s impossible, seek therapy.
People say and do things all the time and then change their mind. She told you no in a polite way. That’s all you need to know.
