Stonegypsy
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He might just not be a heavy texter. Not everyone is. I wouldn’t read anything into it either way this early on.
I’m so sorry about your cat, Kare. That’s really hard, and I’m sending you internet hugs and good thoughts for making it through the week.
@LadyE, don’t assume that someone knows how to make the first move just because they’ve been married before. I made pretty much all of the first moves with my ex husband, and I doubt he’d be any more adept at being the pursuer now than he was then.
I was really happy because I went to brunch a few weeks ago and the waitress asked skeptically to see my ID when I ordered a drink. She looked at it and said “Oh my god, what is your secret!” when she saw my age (I’ll be 30 in January). I think part of it is probably that as people get older, everyone kinda looks like a baby, but it still felt good.
The only good part of this year is J and I getting a lot better at communicating with each other, and deciding to move toward something more serious. Other than that, 2016 has been kind of a shitshow for pretty much everyone I know, and the country and world at large. But it’s always darkest before the dawn, yeah? And people only take action when things get bad enough that there’s no comfortable place to retreat to. So bring on 2017! Let’s make the world a better place 🙂
@barleystonks – Part of me believes that you are overthinking this, and the other part of me knows that clarifying conversations are good for everyone involved. So here is how I would open the conversation:
“Hey, you know I really care about you a lot and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. I know that long term we aren’t necessarily heading for a life partnership, and I know we want different things, but I hope you know that I’m happy to stay in your life and have you in mine in whatever capacity the circumstances call for.”
Myself and an ex dated a second time for awhile while I was married, and then he started dating people, and it was this odd rollercoaster of “Okay, I might be dumping you soon. Nope, nevermind.” on repeat. A clarifying conversation (and a much more fluid ‘we’re platonic, but sometimes we hook up if he’s single’ kind of relationship) resolved a lot of the angst that was occurring.
Him speaking badly about her sounds like a deflection tactic. And no one who isn’t doing *something* shady gets that defensive at being told that something they are doing is making you uncomfortable.
I normally am not one to immediately jump to “He’s cheating” but that is exactly what it sounds like. You should move on.
Oh my gosh, congratulations ktfran! That’s so exciting!
@MissDre, sorry to hear you’re being ghosted.For the most part, I think ghosting is awful. Even if there’s only been a single date, it’s not that hard to send a text saying “Sorry, I’m not feeling it, best of luck”. But I’ve ghosted a couple of guys just because they were really pushy and wouldn’t take no for an answer. For example one guy I went out with kept wanting to play text truth or dare, which is super fun except that it was always always sexual, even after I told him I was uncomfortable with that. So I stopped playing, but he still kept trying to lead the conversation that way, again even after I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. So I just stopped responding.
I think someone harassing you about having to reschedule after a traumatic experience is a perfectly good reason to just block.
@Kate I think probably because people feel stigmatized and unfairly judged. I mean, to be fair I wouldn’t want to date a person who thought that divorced and single were different things, so I guess it’s just a matter of incompatible people self selecting out of each others dating pool
@MissDre Just out of curiosity… why? Do you also want people to list all other long term relationships that ended, or just the ones they signed paperwork about? I’m really not trying to be snarky, I am just thinking about the end of my marriage vs the end of the other really long term relationship I had, and the divorce was, if anything, cleaner.
It’s your prerogative, obviously. I just am curious what you see the difference as being.
I disagree that choosing ‘single’ over ‘divorced’ is misleading. If you’re divorced, than you are single. It seems silly to me that there would even be different options for them.
I’m with Lianne and RR. I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag. Just ask him out for a second date. If you enjoy it and you feel a spark, great! If you enjoy it but don’t feel a spark, that’s fine, take a break, dating is exhausting. If you don’t enjoy it, leave early.
Maybe something like an arcade – so you can interact and get to know each other or focus on something else if you’re really not enjoying their company.
