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New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. I have been in a very committed relationship for almost seven years now; I am a 26-year-old female, he is 34. About two years into the relationship he starting discussing marriage, we started looking at rings, and he brought that whole idea into my head. Years have past, and I’m…

I am in love with two men. They both say they are in love with me, and I believe them. They don’t know about each other. One is married, and we got together before he admitted that he is still married. He says he wants to be with me, not her, but I’m not naive. If he weren’t married, he’d be perfect. But there’s the fact that he *is* married, at least for now. The other man is not married, but he’s an alcoholic. He’s financially stable and very intelligent, and we can talk about everything. But his sex drive is almost zero. Both men have suggested open relationships (man #1 because…

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Not a Fan of His Friends,” whose boyfriend of a year still hung out with his longtime, childhood friends — whom he considers “like family” — despite their gross disrespect of women and, specifically, of her. “Whenever we all hang out, I have to deal with non-stop banter about the sexual escapades of these friends and other inappropriate comments, which initially I let slide for the sake of getting along with the men. I have talked to…

I am 57 years old with three adult children. I was divorced four years ago, which was not my choice. My siblings seem to think they have all the “right answers” for my adult kids. I have not asked them for advice. My older sister, who is well-meaning but also aggressive and controlling, has had a relationship with my kids since they were small. She was a great aunt and would take them out to places as she didn’t have any kids of her own and still does not. That’s OK with me; she was a career person, got married at 40, and she and her husband are a happy couple. She…

I have been in a relationship with “James” for three years now. James and his brother “Ross” are the closest brothers I have ever met in my twenty-three years. They are both in their 30s, and, although they have not only grown up together, they do everything together. They pursued a professional snowboard career together, they own a house together, they run a VERY successful business together, and they are simply very best friends. Since James and I started dating, Ross and I also became very close and he was one of my best friends as well. James and I were getting very close to getting engaged, and until about five months…

Over the years, my family holiday celebrations have included: me and my husband, my parents, my paternal aunt, uncle, two cousins and my paternal grandma. My aunt always hosts. My parents live about a three-hour drive from all the rest of us, and since they’ve both retired, they usually sleep over at my aunt’s house and leave first thing in the morning. In the past, my folks have always brought their large breed dogs (standard poodles) to my aunt’s house as they have difficulty finding a sitter on holidays. The dogs have been generally well-behaved but not really trained. Last year at Thanksgiving, my parents brought their poodles and the younger one…

I am a student in my third year of university with a desire to take pole dancing classes. I was introduced to the idea a few years ago as part of a friend’s birthday celebration. At the time, I was too busy with my studies to pursue this new interest, but I managed to go once or twice. Now I’m in my third year of college and finishing up a very hectic semester where I’ve had zero exercise time, and since next semester will be far less intense, I had planned to finally join the the pole dancing facility as a treat to myself. The problem arises with my boyfriend and his…

One of my best friends since fifth grade (we are 32 now) was diagnosed with stage IV cancer two and a half years ago. We don’t live near each other anymore – she lives in Texas and I live in Florida, but we talk frequently and have visits as often as possible. In the past few months, she has been getting significantly worse, and chemo treatments haven’t been working. Up until now she has always been very positive about fighting cancer and her diagnosis, and obviously I have followed her lead anytime we talk. I let her share what she wants with me. Recently, she mentioned that doctors had started asking if…

I am a young professional woman in my late 20s and I started dating my boyfriend, “Mike,” about a year ago. We get along splendidly and are very much in love! I can see him being my future something or other and we’ve talked about moving in together next year. The reason I’m writing you for advice is because, prior to our relationship, he was in a five-year-long relationship. He and his ex met in college and were very serious. When we first started dating, he teared up every time he mentioned the relationship and refused to give details. From what Mike has told me, they broke up because she got into…

I recently read the story of the flirting SIL and the smirking husband. I have a similar situation. My husband (twenty-nine years together, twenty-five married) started flirting with my sister shortly after our wedding. I told him numerous times how much this hurt me. He laughed and told me I was reading it wrong or I was too sensitive. Even after our talks he kept flirting with her. I just grew to ignore it and look past it and live with it. In addition, I was never allowed to show affection to him in public. If I tried to hold his hand or hug and kiss him, I got shoved away and…