Lurker Introduction Day/ DW Social Hour

Guess what today is?! It’s Lurker Introduction Day (Take 6), a day when lurkers on this website are invited to come out of hiding and show themselves. It’s also a day I totally made up. But, look, I know what it’s like. I’ve been before, and am, a lurker on different sites. You read along for weeks or maybe months (maybe even years??) without ever having an intention to NOT participate β€” it just sort of happens that way. You might have things to say in the comments, but they’ve already been said a dozen or so other ways by other people β€” people who comment all the time. Or, maybe you’re kind of shy. Or maybe you can’t think of a good user name. Or you don’t want to leave any digital breadcrumbs to your real identity. I don’t know. I guess lurkers all have their reasons. But maybe if you’re specifically invited to come out and introduce yourselves and participate in our conversations, those reasons won’t seem as important.

So here it is: an introduction to you lurkers to come introduce yourselves (and start commenting if you want). Tell us who you are and what your story is and how long you’ve been lurking in the shadows. Come out in the light and let us get a good look atcha, why don’t you? We’re a friendly bunch (mostly) and would love to hear from you.

But let’s not stop there! Even if you aren’t a lurker β€” if you’ve been commenting for years β€” I’d love to hear more about you. Think of this as DW social hour. Where do you live? Whom do you live with? Do you have pets? Kids? Allergies to all of the above? What’s the last book you read? Movie you saw? Where’s your favorite place you traveled or an upcoming vacation you have planned, or a place you’ve always wanted to visit? What do you do for a living? What do you do for fun? If we were at a real DW happy hour right now, what would you be drinking? (If we were meeting up in NYC right now, where it’s about to hit 90 degrees, I’d probably have a margarita on the rocks with salt.).

[Check out previous Lurker Introduction Days here, here, here, here and here!]


  1. Avatar photo MaterialsGirl says:

    Not a lurker, but we just had a grill out for lunch with my department. it was glorious. Tonight the whole team is going for Rose tasting at Binnys! whoho teambuilding. and also.. my allergies are SO BAD this week.

  2. I’m not a lurker πŸ™‚ I just started a new job a few months ago. We won’t get into how that is going πŸ˜‰ I also sell Usborne Books on the side. But I’m in Wisconsin, live with my husband, my kid who will be 2 in July (and is potty trained! holy hell that was a process), my dog Floyd, my 3 cats Assholes 1-3 (kidding, they have real names of Adrik, Sid & Galahad), my tortoise Ivan and my bearded dragon Mushu. I read too many books to know which one I read last (I think it was a Phoenix Files book but I can’t promise). I go to movies and concerts for fun and would be drinking soda πŸ™‚ Ummm that’s all that’s exciting about me. Except it wasn’t exciting at all. Seriously though, I need a nap but have to go grocery shopping after work.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Woah, potty-trained already? Jackson wasn’t completely trained until almost 3 1/2, and while Joanie uses the toilet at least once a day, I think it will be awhile before she’s out of diapers. I guess I’m being kind of lazy about it…

      1. He was clearly ready (a few months ago actually but I wasn’t) so we used an intensive training (Oh Crap! Potty Training) and it has been great the last 2+ weeks *knock on wood*. Some days I think it would have been much better to leave those diapers on! He still has diapers for nap at daycare (not at home though) and pullups at night. I’m not ready to tackle that. Its neat to see the different kids though. In our group of about 15 moms and kids the same age, only a handful are potty trained/training and the rest are clearly not ready and that’s cool too.

  3. It’s 91 at Central Park, 93 near me a bit further upstate, and 96 at LGA. EWW! A cold beer or cold glass of dry Riesling or rose would hit the spot today. I think I’m saving all my drinking for the weekend though, as I’m going wine touring in the Finger Lakes – woohoo!

    1. Avatar photo MaterialsGirl says:

      ooo that sounds delightful!

      Rose Rose Rose!

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      That will be fun!
      It’s SO hot outside. I got home from taking the kids to the playground and I just cracked open a cold beer. I gotta cool down before I start dinner, although I’m very tempted to order some tacos…

  4. Mostly a lurker here, have commented a few times. I live 1.5hr north of Toronto, am a freelance graphic designer. I have 2 cats, just recently adopted one – kittens are so much fun! Been with my bf for approx 5 years, he has an 8yr old son who is super awesome. Been having two fabulously hot days, love the warmth! And this weekend marks the beginning of long weekends, Victoria Day. Heading to the cottage and I am so happy winter is over. πŸ™‚

  5. Hi! I used to comment occasionally maybe 3-4 years ago (Wendy, have the forums been around that long already?!) but I got a job that keeps me busier and also got a little paranoid about my digital identity, so I drifted back into lurking. Also, I live in Israel and with the time difference I often arrive too late to the party to add anything new. But I find myself nodding in agreement with lots of your comments! And of course shaking my head at others haha.
    I am a couple weeks away from turning 35 and I’m planning to get my hair dyed for the first time tomorrow because, wow, suddenly soooo much grey! I’ve been married for 3 years and live in Tel Aviv with my wonderful husband and our very naughty dog, who I could just squeeze and snuggle forever. My husband and I are not planning to have kids, and I really enjoy/appreciate the posts here from other women who’ve never wanted to have children. I used to feel like something was wrong with me or missing from me, and it’s a comfort to know I’m not the only one (and needless to say, there’s definitely nothing wrong with those of us who don’t want kids!)
    Not sure what else is interesting about me, but I thought I’d represent for my little slice of the world!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Daisy! Gosh, I remember when you were planning your wedding and it doesn’t feel like that could be three years ago already! (The forums have been around for almost 5 1/2 years, fyi!).

  6. Wow, 5.5 years?! That is nutters! My parents are actually coming to visit at the end of the month and it’s the first time they’ve been here since our wedding (I’ve been to the US a bunch of times so I’ve seen them). None of us can believe how fast the time flew.
    I actually just thought of a question that I’ll bet some of you animal lovers out there can help with! So, we have a 5 year old terrier who was found on the street when he was about 6 months old, was fostered for 6 months, and then we adopted him around the time he was 1. He’s been through puppy school and is usually pretty well-behaved, but he definitely has some aggression toward other dogs that I assume is from his early days on the street (poor little guy!)
    Anyway, my husband is a total cat person, grew up with lots of cats, and is basically going crazy to get a kitten now that we recently moved to a bigger apartment. I’ve never had a cat but would have zero problem getting one; I just worry that the dog will completely freak out (and, worse case scenario, possibly hurt the kitty). He usually ignores cats outside, but he can be pretty territorial and the whole thing makes me really nervous.
    I know my husband won’t be totally happy until he has a cat, and I don’t want to deny him that. But if we get one and it goes badly, he’ll resent me because it’s my dog causing the problems. And if we don’t get one, he’ll resent me for having the dog that prevented him from having a cat!
    So, after that saga, does anyone have experience (preferably with a happy ending!) adding a cat or kitten to a dog household? I know we should introduce them slowly, keep one behind a door, etc. It’s all just stressing me out more than it should, and I’d love to hear from somebody who’s been through it. I know plenty of cats and dogs live together, so there’s got to be hope, right?!

    1. Doh, I didn’t click the reply button to respond to Wendy’s response. Clearly outting myself as a lurker!

    2. My mom’s cat and dog are absolutely best friends so it does work out.

    3. If you were to do it I’d definitely get an older cat that has been tested around dogs and do an intro on neutral ground before you even think about taking the cat home. Kittens are cute and all but something that small and playful with a terrier that is bred to hunt small animals and has aggression issues is asking for trouble. Can you take your dog to a shelter and ask to meet cats that are dog tested?

      1. Yeah, I have a Terrier who’s older and never been around a cat except when he sees them on the street and freaks out, and I don’t see that going well. Like Ange said, they are meant to hunt and kill small animals. I would proceed with the utmost caution. A grown cat that can stand up for herself is one thing, but a kitten…

  7. Anon from LA says:

    I’ve been a lurker of since nearly the beginning but I only comment a bit here and there. I like reading the site, but to be honest, I’ve seen plenty of cases where I think commenters are treated really harshly or unkindly. It makes me want to remain in the shadows rather than engage with people.

      1. Anon from LA says:

        Not always. Usually people are here are very kind. But it happens enough that it has a big impact on how much I comment. Thought you should know.

      2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        I personally think there’s just the right amount of salt in the comments section and forums, but I respect others have differing opinions. That’s why it’s so great that you can engage in this site (or not!) in whatever way feels right for you, on any given day. Comment, don’t comment, read multiple times a week, or check in a few times a month. No need to justify why you might not comment often.

  8. I’ve written in anonymously a couple times and felt the advice was totally appropriate, to be honest.

    1. Anon from LA says:

      I don’t mean Wendy’s advice–I mean the comments section and forums. Wendy’s tone can be a little tough for my style, but I don’t her advice is ever unfair or not carefully considered.

      1. Right, I wrote in the forums a couple times, and people were on point.

        Yes, BGM, good eye, I was a little off my stuff today. All set now.

      2. LisforLeslie says:

        Fair point. Sometimes there is a pile on. I think the general sense is if you post bs, someone is likely going to call it out. I’ve seen threads do a 180 from pile on to hugging if the poster provides additional information. I’ve also seen threads go in the reverse direction when the bs-o-meter hits the red.

      3. anonymousse says:

        Awwww. We aren’t that bad compared to the entire internet at large.

    2. bittergaymark says:

      Kate. Confess. We you on here earlier as “Me”?

  9. Well, hello! I am a long time lurker here for the last 2+ years. I feel like I am at confession haha. I’m a social studies teacher in Minneapolis and I work with middle and high school students of all levels. As a fervent Democrat, this has certainly been a challenging year to try to be at all impartial. Luckily, I’m in a very liberal area that allows me to teach the way I want to teach. It hurts me to see students who are just as scared as I am about the future. The biggest thing I am dealing with is infertility, which is a shock at only 28 years old. I have had two miscarriages with IVF and feel very alone in the process. The site has been a constant source of relief and stability, allowing me to see that other people out there are dealing with their own problems. Everyone from Wendy to the commentators make the experience of visiting the site so comforting. It’s scary for me to be out there with all the stuff I have on my plate but it’s nice to reach out and be honest uniform like this.

    1. LisforLeslie says:

      Honest uniforms are the best uniforms!

    2. Very longtime lurker here. I live in the Chicago area and stumbled on Wendy’s personal blog somehow long ago and have been following ever since. I read on my lunch break at work and just don’t often feel compelled to chime in. I am a fan of advice columns in general and I think Wendy is usually spot -on! I also appreciate her more personal writing and perspectives on parenting.

      I’m 37 and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 2.5 years now and I have had two miscarriages. I’m sure IVF adds a whole ‘nother level of physical and mental stress that I can’t even imagine. When you first start on this journey there is no telling how it will go, and for a lot of us it’s a lot more difficult than we expected. You are not alone!

      1. I totally am the same–advice columns have always been something I’ve enjoyed and Wendy always seems to say what I am thinking.

        Thanks CourtTV for the reply. I’m so sorry for your losses. The infertility club is definitely one no one wants to be a part of. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s always nice to hear I’m not alone though–it can certainly be an isolating experience!

  10. After all the rose talk, I had a glass or two after my first wedding dress fitting. Guys, I love it! Both my dress and the rose.

  11. I’m sort of a lurker, sort of not. I make comments on rare occasions but don’t usually participate in all the interesting other points. I haven’t come up with any interesting nickname ideas…Cranky Straight Sara, maybe? CSS? Nah! I keep thinking I need to find one though, as there have been other Sara’s that post.

  12. And…I hit submit too soon. I have dogs. I’m on the laptop all day. Kindles and kindle apps are dangerous (the next book is RIGHT THERE already!)

  13. Been lurking here for a while now – probably around a year? I live in the South Bay LA area. Mom of 3 kids; two are college age. I’m lucky enough to be able to lean back in my chair and see the Pacific from my desk every day at work.

    Thought about commenting earlier but watching some of the folks piling on BGM a bit ago when the conversation skewed towards a serious bias against the LW’s significant other mainly because he was male. Guys, I was in an abusive relationship (a he hit me when I was pregnant abusive) and left with literally nothing but the kids – and I still see it as wrong to paint every unknown male with the abusive brush. Makes it entirely too easy to go back to being a victim instead of a survivor.

    1. RedroverRedrover says:

      To be fair, there were a bunch of us on that thread saying it’s messed up to assume he’s an abuser just because he’s male.

  14. HideUnderArock says:

    I have been lurking for about a year. I am 35, I have been married for 12 years, have a 1.5 year old son and two fur pups. My husband is currently getting out of the military to be a farmer and go to grad school. I am feeling pretty nervous and excited for this life change. We bought a house in New England and we move in tomorrow!

    1. Best of luck in your new home! Most parts of New England are so beautiful!

  15. Hi, all. Though slightly ashamed to admit it, I’ve been lurking since The Frisky days! Originally from LA and now living for 7 years in Germany with my husband and 6-month old son, I teach English at international schools in Frankfurt. It has been so interesting to see the perspectives and attitudes of both the LW and commenters shift since I started reading in my early 20s. Maybe just my perspective changed πŸ™‚
    Side note, I love a lot of your shopping suggestions, but maybe you could offer some book suggestions instead? I’m out of the loop here in English language literature and would love input!

  16. Morecoffeeplease says:

    International Lurker Day…you are funny! I don’t know if I qualify as a lurker since I’ve commented a few times in the past. I’m a 45 year old mom of a 13 year old and a 7 year old. I am emplyed doing science writing and webpage work from home. I like to read your column with my morning coffee break…it’s fun!

  17. TheRascal says:

    I’m mostly a lurker, sometimes will post (as I did the other day) when I need advice. It’s always been excellent advice.I’ve been reading Wendy since The Frisky!
    I’m 35, married for just under a year. NYC-based but moving out of the city in month, about an hour-ish north.

  18. Jayhawker says:

    Longtime lurker here. Go back to the Frisky, lost track of Dear Wendy and stumbled upon it when my then-boyfriend (now fiance) started talking about moving in together. Born and raised in the ‘burbs of Kansas City and somehow managed to stick around despite my want of getting out. I’m an engineer. Getting married in 3(!) weeks, have a 9 year old (almost) step-daughter who spends most of her time with us which has been quite the learning experience for me. And 2 kitties. While I’ve never commented, I’ve found the forum talks about kids v. no kids quite comforting/informative as that’s something I’ve been on the fence about myself lately. I’ve also found between here and Jezebel good comfort with what is going on politically. I have become more active, sometimes using Wendy’s calls to action to help guide me, but it is incredibly frustrating living in such a red state (though I’m near a few small blue patches).

  19. Glad to see I am not the only lurker all the way back from The Frisky days! I never needed advice, nor felt I had anything useful enough to chime in about, so I am content to read what everyone else has to say.

    I’m 33 this year, married for 2 years in August, together for 9. We have one awesome dog, and are looking to add another one to the mix later this year before contemplating adding a child into the mix. I teach University chemistry up in Alberta, Canada.

  20. I’ve been reading since the frisky days and followed dear Wendy here. Don’t read the frisky anymore and I’m glad you got your own site. I’m single, and I guess what I take away he most from this site is to not rush things or worry about being alone because the alternatives….seen on here…are worse. I work from home for a small healthcare company. live the working from home part…on hold right now typing this up.

  21. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

    I haven’t had a chance to reply directly to everyone who has commented, but I’m reading all the comments and so enjoy hearing from all if you, especially those who are commenting for the first time. Hi, and welcome!

  22. BlueberryPancaaakes says:

    Relatively recent lurker here (since January), but as a bit of an advice-column junkie I was glad to stumble upon it! I’m still going through the archives, but so far I’m enjoying seeing Wendy’s take on situations.

    I’m 29, Canadian, and currently working in a library. Not a whole lot going on in my life… maybe that’s why I enjoy advice columns and their comment sections so much – I can enjoy life vicariously through others?

  23. Boobs Magee says:

    Still lurking,
    Still living in San Diego,
    Still a single mom,
    Still reading DW every day. πŸ™‚

  24. I’ve been lurking for almost 2 years but have made a few comments here and there. Usually, I’m late to the party so someone else has already commented with what I would have said. I’m a financial manager at an energy company in Austin Tx, and I balance my frequently dull work life with a variety of volunteer activities, being a wannabe triathlete and a exploring new local craft breweries. I’m not married and I’m not sure if I ever want to have children, but I have two pups and two nieces who I spoil rotten. One of my biggest fears in life is that someone will find out that I’m a middle-aged woman who likes Taylor Swift songs.

  25. Addie Pray says:

    Hi! Not a lurker, but a huge fan of lurkers who come out! I haven’t read or commented much lately – I blame work and baby. But here’s some news: I’m currently in Paris at a friend’s wedding. Literally at the wedding now but it doesn’t start for another hour. It’s so swanky. At a place called la maison des X pour vous parisiens. I’m here just for a short trip but it’s nice to get away. Soon I’m starting a new job, too. So I’ll get another break in between jobs. It feels decadent, all this vacation. La vie est belle. Bisoux

  26. So, Dennis Lehane (Gone Baby Gone, Mystic River, Shutter Island) has a new book out. Clearly people are pissed that it’s not about the detective Patrick Kenzie, but it’s an awesome mystery thriller. It just doesn’t exactly start out as such, or you don’t think it does. The reviews are polarized because some people want his Mystic River style back, and this is a little different, but if you’re into things like Gone Girl, you will like it.

    1. anonymousse says:

      Kate, you should consider a lifestyle/advice site or blog. I buy nearly everything you recommend.

      1. L’Oreal Magic Lumi Highlighter is a dupe for YSL Touche Eclat.

  27. anonymousse says:

    Sold. Kate, you could be banking commissions.

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