36 and Forever Single
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Heatherly, ironically I’m a huge sports fan. I have been since I was little. I used to go out to watch games on the weekend but it sucks going by myself. Most of my friends aren’t into sports. I’m in school so I’m always learning, which is something I like to do, so I’m meeting people in class. Having a professional review my profiles would be great but money is a factor.
Fyodor, I really can’t relocate at this point. My school and job are where I’m at now and moving takes money, something I don’t have in abundance. I would love to relocate to some really great place someday, right now isn’t that time unfortunately.
Hi Firestar, I wish someone was into my look but I have yet to find a single person who is. I starting following a beauty blog a few years ago. Originally, it was for hair ideas because it was short at the time and I got bored with how I was styling it. She has make-up tutorials too. I’ve learned a lot and now my hair is pretty long so I can do more with it. I don’t over do the make-up, I usually keep it pretty even and focus on either eyes or lips.
I was using multiple apps but didn’t have success on any of them. I’m near a few large cities so I expanded my reach out there but again, I had no success. Facing constant rejection has done horrible things to my confidence and I feel that I never had the chance to build any because of the constant jabs at my appearance.
Hi Sarah, I don’t have that good of a friendship with my friends’ husbands. I would say more of an acquantience level but it’s worth a shot. I wear make-up daily and usually keep my hair straight with my awesome flat iron. 🙂 I’m a sports fan so I know the lingo but I’m physically incapable of wearing heels due to problems with my knees but I do have cute flats so that’s a good work around for me. I do smile at everyone I make eye contact with. Mostly because it’s polite, it’s just something I’ve always done. It’s just hard to get past that point. I don’t get past that no matter what I’m wearing.
I know I sound like a total downer. It’s just so frustrating when I try everything and fail.
Your school will have counselling services so go find and use them. Lack of self esteem won’t just affect your dating, but your overall life so please go and get counselling.
Here’s a guide to low cost services online and in person: https://captainawkward.com/2017/10/03/guest-post-14-free-and-low-cost-mental-health-resources/
I followed the link and reached out to one of the websites via email, which was listed as one of their contact options. I really appreciate you for grabbing that Heatherly. I really hope they can help. And you’re right, this is affecting everything in my life. I don’t know what it’s like to feel good about myself because everyone that was supposed to help me do that failed me.
@bluegreeneye, please don’t be discouraged! Online dating is so difficult and requires a lot of commitment to persistence.
I will say I know it is not all about your looks. I know of women who are extremely far from conventionally attractive who nonetheless have amazing personalities and who are younger than both you & I and have found love on dating apps. I do think a lot of it – most of it, it seems -is luck, timing, and the willingness to just keep at it.
And please don’t feel bad about your lack of experience! I was in my 30s when I lost my virginity. I’ve been on 23 first dates in the last 2.5 years, and only one of them led to an actual relationship. It really is just super hard and anyone who hasn’t dated in the last 3-4 years or so just hasn’t experienced it.
I would say to 1) maybe redo your profile if you think it doesn’t reflect your best self or “sell” you enough, 2) get some great photos taken (my sister did some for me and it boosted my self-confidence AND my hit ratio on dating apps a LOT), and 3) just keep at it. Connect, talk, try to plan to meet within a few days of starting to talk to a guy. The more you practice it the better you will get, and the more likely – by the numbers – you are to meet someone you hit it off with. It can be really hard (I know! I’m taking a break right now entirely) but with persistence it can be done. Trust me, looks are not everything and if you like sports you already have a huge leg up with guys compared to many women – including me. 🙂
Something isn’t adding up.
First of all, forget Reddit, I’m sure I’d get 3s and 5s if I put my picture up on that shithole, but it would in no way be an accurate representation of my attractiveness to men.
Also, your friends haven’t really helped you, have they? I sense they’re not telling you what you need to know to overhaul your profile so it gets you the attention you want. Usually it does take a stranger. People who give advice about your profile and pictures do not charge an arm and a leg. Wendy used to charge under $50. A guy once even posted his profile here and got advice that he said increased his “hits” right away. The dating blogger AndThatsWhyYoureSingle offers (or did offer in the recent past and could probably give you a referral) this service online and via phone. It’s not crazy expensive and don’t you think it’s worth it?
Like people have been saying, looks can’t be your only hurdle to finding love. Conventionally not-very-attractive people find love every day. Your profile needs to have a nice, high quality head and shoulders shot where you’re smiling a little and people can tell what you look like. It needs a full body shot where you’re standing. It needs an active or outdoor or sporty shot. No sunglasses or hats.
Do you honestly have all three? Are they truly good pics? One can be a selfie. Get an app like YouCamPerfect that improves your selfie quality over your phone’s back cam, do your hair and makeup, and play around with filters and angles and lighting. I had my hair done yesterday and I threw on a blouse and went and sat down at my home desk and took a new LinkedIn profile pic. It took a little time to get it how I wanted it, but I was happy with the end result.
If your profile says fun, positive things, mentions your interest in sports a little, and isn’t full of dating profile red flags, and you have the right pics, you should be getting hits.
Want to paste at least the text from your profile here? We can tell you how it sounds.
Hi! I second everyone’s suggestion to get a professional to edit your profile. I used to do this — and for a very reasonable fee (that eCyrano guy charges three times what I did for the same thing) — but I’ve taken a break from it. I think I might go back to it eventually when I have a little more time (like when my youngest is in school full time in two years). In an effort to get some practice and keep my skills sharp in this off-time, I’d be willing to take a look at your profile and see where there’s room for improvement (no charge). Would you be willing to share it with me? If so, just shoot me an email.
I realized I forgot to mention, I used Wendy’s profile review and re-write service when I was 36-37 and online dating after a terrible relationship. She nicely told me some of my pictures weren’t good, and she did a great job re-packaging my text and cutting things that were potential flags. I had been avoiding Match because I knew my shitty ex was on there, but the same day my male co-worker finally made me go on Match, I got a wink from a guy, we went on a date, and ended up getting married. We are an excellent match.
And seriously, get a free selfie app if you don’t have one. You can also use it on your front cam to have a friend take pictures of you. My husband needed a headshot a while back for work, and I had him stand in front of a plain wall wearing his zip-up with the work logo on it, stand up straight but relax his body and arms, SMILE, and then I did a few edits to polish him up. I’m not a photographer, and this picture ended up in a magazine ad for his company.
Hi Wendy, I would really appreciate it if you’d take a look at my profile. I had to create a new one this morning because I deleted all of my apps last year.
Hi Kate, thanks for your response. I will look into the photo apps. I don’t think I take very good photos to begin with so it will be a huge help. I do have a photography class that’s required for my major so I’m sure that will help too.
The link didn’t pop up in my last response. Let’s try that again.
That link takes me to my own old profile, after I sign in. Maybe your username? You can put it in the “website” field when you submit, if you don’t want it public, or go ahead and just post it if you’d like more feedback.
