Am I being too pushy on dates? I could use some advice.
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I was kidding about the dick pics.
It’s not confusing at all what happened.
You said you’ve been trying to get into a more serious relationship. That is why I said you’re failing. I think you are because you don’t understand this date, for one example. You’re not treating women in a way that would make them want a relationship or second date, and you need to examine that. You come across as clueless, but I don’t think that’s it.
“Whiskey dick” implied much more alcohol than you’re actually claiming here. Sorry, I had assumed nine hours of bars meant way more drinks and considering you said whiskey dick, I thought you had whiskey dick, not general performance issues. My mistake.
bloodymediocrity: that makes sense and I can see how asking twice, while benign on my side, could actually be that. That makes sense and I honestly wasn’t aware… like I don’t think my friends or circle have ever had experiences like that I’m almost, thankfully in some way, deaf to that. My friend circle has been immune to that and all of them found people within their circle so and we all grew up in hookup friendly environments. When I talk to my women friends about dating… most of them have hooked up a lot with people on first dates and thought really nothing of it, and seem to have no problem saying no… and so perhaps I took verbal responses too much on face value.
copa: I think my first post was that. I disagreed with Anonymousse’s form of attack on me and response. That’s all. I never disagreed with the advice… which is to perhaps refrain from hooking up on the first date because of how it might be perceived. All I did was defend myself against Anonymousse’s and Kate’s accusation that I like… am some kind of predator. The person was sexist (I think the person attacked me and then when I responded against it, the person and Kate said literally something like “oh here comes men again”) and sort of belittled me about my beliefs about how first-date hookups, while drinking, is okay. I’ve had relationships, I’m 36, I didn’t drunk rape someone even though I think that’s what the two of them believe, and so yes I should be offended. But I think Wendy’s originaly and subsequent points make sense.
I said whiskey dick. But yeah that’s not really compatible with 5 beers over 9 hours so maybe just nerves. That’s my point though, if you have trouble performing with a new partner, then why be so quick to want to have sex on the first date? If you hook up on the 2nd or 3rd date (I tend to wait til the 6th but that’s me), then you know the woman likes you enough to want to explore possibilities with you. You’ve built up some chemistry. So, 1) you might be a little more comfortable, and 2) she’s less likely to just be like oh fuck this. You can get a little more physical each time over the course of a few dates, build up to it.
Jeff Jeff Jeff I never said anything about “men,” I said Jeff. All my comments have been very focused on you and what you’ve said here. I never said you were predatory or a rapist, that’s you, hun. I said you’re pushy and aggressive based on your behavior here.
I never said you drunk raped anyone and to imply that, or directly write like you just did is worse than anything I said to you. It is a slippery slope to bring some stranger home drunk, for so many reasons. Good lord, you could be robbed. But sure, I’m the dummy here. You’re just a man who’s been lucky not to have been hurt. Lucky you.
You agree with my advice then stop being a goddamn baby about how it’s delivered. Are you sure you’re from NYC? “All my female friends hook up and no one has ever had an issue.” That’s bs. Maybe that’s what your friends tell you and maybe, maybe that’s the truth but 1 in 4 women have been raped, statistically. That’s means a whole lot of men are assaulting and raping, too. And since I’m sure you have so many friends, you’re wrong.
I have never met a women who hasn’t been assaulted or raped. Period.
You like what kind of story was this, first you were drunk and she felt coerced, but you had had sex. Then pages later, it was only a few drinks and you couldn’t get it up, sober.
Enjoy figuring dating, seems like you’re really into something there with the dating MO. Don’t change a thing! Good luck.
You’re not that close to these women if you believe they’ve never experienced sexual abuse or trauma.
So I don’t believe your entire friend group has somehow been immune to the terrible behavior of men, but even if that were true, do you not pay attention to what’s going on in the world around you? There have been entire movements like #MeToo dedicated to calling out the inappropriate behavior of men. It seems impossible that you’d not even be “aware.”
Also, your first post was not like that. Like I said, you buried the lede. And then told us that’s not how things work in NYC when the consensus was that most women would find your behavior pushy.
Literally nobody has said it’s wrong to go home with your dates on the first date.
Somehow, despite being born and raised in NYC, your world and breadth of experience seem very, very small to me.
I find this question interesting: “How would you know it’s 100%. It’s a legit question, not a leading one.”
Jeff, you estimated her enthusiasm at 60%. I’m curiou as to how you came to that assessment? If you can estimate 60%, I would assume you could use the same metrics to figure what 100% would look like.
Yeah, seriously. 100% enthusiasm is her asking you to come home with her. It’s her making the moves on you, explicitly.
