@Ale, I so feel for you. I have been right where you are. I was also miserable for a long time, didn’t want to get out of bed, felt like nothing was ever going to get better. I really do understand. Especially when my ex, who told me he would never get married & that he was asexual, got engaged a couple weeks after I found out the guy I had been dating cheated on me and had dumped me. That was a ROUGH time, and I was 32 then as well.

What worked for me? This is going to sound SUPER cliche, I know, but honestly: I woke up one day and thought well, I’m either going to get better or I’m not. I’m either going to feel better or I’m going to die. Truly, I felt that terrible. And I have a dog (seconding Copa’s thoughts on a dog), so I didn’t want to die. SO, I decided I was going to focus on GRATITUDE for an entire month. That month (it was December 2 years ago), I made myself write down 3 things I was grateful for every day. I literally had every single one of my friends over, either individually or in groups, for a meal that I cooked for them (I love cooking). I even wrote them funny little “coupons” for a free meal of their choice. I reached out to people I’d lost touch with from high school and college. I made it a point to call my family. Every single day had the undercurrent of GRATITUDE in it. And you know what? I felt better. It turned everything around.

This past year, going through a breakup has been hard as well, but this time I started doing standup comedy and I got myself a kickass new job, so I’m doing ok. 🙂 At this point, like Copa, I also have to carve out time to date because I’m so busy living my awesome life.

If I were you, I would also think about what you really want your life to look like a year from now, 3 years, 5 years from now – WITHIN the things you can control (I don’t think you can control if/when you meet a guy, get married, have kids, etc – you can put yourself out there but a lot of it is timing and luck) – and start taking focused steps on moving forward in that direction. It’s great that you’re taking up new hobbies and reaching out to people. Keep doing that.

Oh, and THERAPY. I started therapy this summer and I wish I had done it 10 years ago. If you can afford it/your health insurance covers it, seriously, do it. I have an appointment tonight and I can’t wait.

Gratitude. It probably saved my life…that, and my little dog, of course.

*virtual hugs to you*

PS 32 is super young. At 35, I wish I were 32!! 😛

Thank you all, a lot for the kind replies.
Therapy: I went for a few months, didn’t help. It got too expensive and I thought he was focusing on my ex, and why the relatioship didn’t work, instead of my own issues.
I have thought about finding a new therapist, however with the last one I really thought it was a waste of money, and I don’t really want to waste my money again. I have to ask around again.
Depression hasn’t really crossed my mind, but maybe. I’m also having a lot of issues with hormones (I haven’t gotten my period since september).
Where would I want to be? Not necessarily married, but maybe with someone by my side. In a better place financially, also. Close circle of friends to hang out with. But I feel like most of them are really busy all the time. We don’t hang out as much.
I love dogs, but I have two cats already though. They are actually the ones that sometimes make me get out of bed. I am waiting to hear from a shelter around my home, because I volunteered to walk the dogs that are up for adoption. Fingers crossed.
I will start with the grattitude “challenge” tomorrow @LadyE. I know there are some highlights, I am planning a trip to Europe for a month, so I know I have things to be grateful for.
About my friend, I don’t know if he is not happily married, I would think otherwise. He’s told me their arguments are about where to vacation next… So, I don’t know. Maybe that’s why it’s tough.

Lady E, that was great advice and perspective.

Comparing yourself to others, when you probably don’t know their secret struggles or pain, will always make you feel bad.
I’m so lucky and grateful for what I have. But I really try to look on the bright side. Things could always be worse, trust me. I think I have a healthy appreciation for that.

If you aren’t where you want to be, what would it take to get there? Is where you wanted to be, still the same? For example, when I was young, I thought I’d be some free, single lady with a group of friends, free of debt, traveling and basically partying my life away.
Here I am, on the cusp of 35, I’ve rarely left my country, and I’m totally in the opposite position. Two kids, a great marriage, and believe me, I am so happy and thankful for that, but sometimes I wonder about the paths I didn’t choose. Here I am 35, without a career, by choice, and I’m am at the beck and call of my children, and basically, my husband’s family. It’s not what I would have chosen back then. And in fact, even now, I sometimes wish I had the freedom to do what I wanted with my day. I’m not selfless. I’m actually a very selfish person.

I wrote all this to say, we make choices. We all make our own choices, and I rarely think luck is involved. I also believe you attract what you put out in the world. Be kinder to yourself. You sound very hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for not being where you thought you’d be. You are on a new path now. Focus on what you want and make tiny steps, as often as you can, to get there. Put yourself out there, take chances.
So many people around my age, even married or married with children, or just with children feel the same. Depressed, alone, unhappy with themselves. You are not alone, in feeling that way. Nearly everyone I know is not where they though they’d be in their thirties.
If social media is compounding these issues, take a social media break. They are awesome.

I think lots of good advice has been given. TheLadyE, Copa, and Anonymousse have mentioned really valid points and shared their own experiences. Listen to them. It’s so easy to fall into the self-pity trap. Fight against it – and if you can’t find ways to help you, aka coping mechanisms.

Like others here, I was 32 with no romantic prospects, except for an ex that kept me hanging on just enough that I kept going back for the sex. I started dating my husband at just shy of 34 and he wasn’t the usual type of guy I went for. And I had to remind myself to give him a chance for a few months just because he was very different from what I thought I wanted. And I am so grateful that I did because I can’t imagine going through this life we’ve built with anyone else. And when I talk about “this life” I feel similarly to Anonymousse. I almost always thought I’d get married and have kids, but I had no clue how fucking hard it is. It is simultaneously the most rewarding and challenging experience of my life. I can not imagine my life with my son and wouldn’t change it for anything. But there are days (nights) where he’s not sleeping and I cry and think to myself, how is this my life? So remember – even when you get what you want, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. There are still tears and questioning and doubt. That’s just life. It was easy, it would be incredibly boring.

Try to see the good in life. I recently found out the dad of another family in my town has a really aggressive form of cancer that came back and is everywhere in his body. He’s got a 2 year old and his wife is 16 weeks pregnant. Being in a similar situation, 2 year old and 37 weeks pregnant, I can’t even wrap my head around what that family, and mother in particular must be going through. My family has problems right now – a 2 year old with on and off sleep issues since December, living in a tiny townhouse apartment while we wait for the real estate spring market to finally appear, anticipating (with some anxiety) the birth of our second child basically any day now, family issues with both of our parents…but when I hear stories like the one of this family, while my issues are still my issues….I just thank God, we’re all healthy and relatively happy. Count your blessings, especially when you can’t remember what they are.

Ale, the reality is you’re choosing to hold onto beliefs about yourself and others that are not true and not serving you well. We all have to do the difficult mental work every day of rejecting those beliefs and replacing them with better ones. It’s very hard, and sometimes you need help from a professional. But the thing is, even if you met Mr. Right tomorrow, those beliefs about yourself wouldn’t magically go away. Marriage is not a panacea. You need to diligently do the work now to let go of shitty ideas. It benefits your life right now, and prepares you to be a better partner.

Kinda funny story! So I went over to Neighbor’s last night. We talked and had drinks while our dogs played together. We fooled around a bit. He invited us both to spend the night. It was a trainwreck with both of our dogs (mine’s a puppy, his is one). Neighbor is WFH today and heading on a trip to see family in another state so he was unconcerned about waking up early. The dogs were PUMPED to play. We finally got them to calm down long enough for Neighbor to fall asleep, but I didn’t, and the dogs eventually woke up again and were wandering around the apartment together. At 2:30, I finally decided I needed to sneak out if I wanted to get any sleep. I was trying to be quiet/discreet. I’ve never left in the middle of the night before, and now I know the truth: It’s harder than it seems! Couldn’t find my bra or socks in the dark. I noticed my dog had pooped on the floor when I stepped in it with bare feet. (He still has occasional accidents when he’s somewhere new.) I had to hobble to the kitchen to find paper towels to clean my foot and pick up my dog’s poop. Our building is older and I was having trouble with the locks on his front door and had to pull HARD to get it to shut. I’m unsure what the protocol is when you bolt like that, so I shot him a quick “Left cause the dogs were keeping me awake and have an early morning/thanks for having us/hope I didn’t wake you” text when I got home. He responded this morning that I somehow didn’t wake him. Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny. In movies, people slip out so quietly and discreetly. In real life, the floorboards creak, you can’t find your undergarments, and there’s dog poop.