DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I have thought of that! We are not on the same team (he’s in marketing/design and I’m in sales, reporting to different people) and office romances are very common here. Part of it is my own confidence because I can’t imagine why someone as awesome as he is would ever be into me (see: I’m in therapy). Also, I know from another girl here that he just last fall got out of a 6 year relationship so he may be taking some time.
Honestly, I do sometimes feel as if he is flirting with me. Every interaction is more than just talking about work every single time. Like he stops at my desk, he tells me whatever he has to, then he starts looking at stuff on my desk and asking questions or making jokes. He missed a meeting with me the other day and messaged me to apologize. I joked that I was very sad after being “stood up” and he said he would “make it up to me by taking me to prom” and sent me a gif of teenagers dancing. Today in our meeting we talked about renaissance fairs and he made a funny/sweet comment about how I must be super young (long story) but we are similar in age and I think I am 1-2 years older. There are more but now I feel like a hopeful LW trying to prove a guy likes her. Heh.
Ten years ago I would have been all “omg he loves me” but now I’m thinking he’s just a flirtatious/charismatic guy and he does this to everyone.
I did, in fact, invite him to a comedy show last month but he couldn’t make it – though he seemed super into it. I will definitely invite him again!
I just…don’t want to be stupid. I’m a senior sales leader here and would never want to jeopardize my job.
That would actually be a really interesting question to open up on a Your Turn or open thread: does lifestyle compatibility matter? My situation is a little more complicated because I have lung problems and it’s physically hard for me to be super active (like running or playing sports) or sleep outside for camping, so I just assumed that with the plethora of matches to choose from, someone who loves camping or being super active wouldn’t be a good match for me because I can’t do those things. I mean, I love being outside and wish I could do more, but I have some physical limitations that prevent me from doing so. I actually had a guy break up with me partly because he wanted someone who could keep up with him when he went hiking. I mean, it was a dick move and he was batshit for other reasons, but that has stuck with me.
My two cents: I wouldn’t date him / ask him out if you’re working on projects together. Especially because you’re new and aren’t totally a known entity with a reputation yet.
And yes, lifestyle compatibility is important. That doesn’t mean you have to have all the same interests. My husband’s life is a sport that I do not, never could, and he wouldn’t even want me to, do. That’s fine. We don’t have to do all the same activities. But our lifestyles are still totally compatible as far as having plenty of stuff we like to do together, having the same routines and body rhythms, same goals and values. He does all that sport stuff with other people, and I watch him compete in big races.
My dad loves camping and hiking and he does that with guy friends. He and my mom have everything else in common.
But I’m with you that if someone is always doing fast-paced outdoorsy stuff and they like to do it with a partner, that probably doesn’t work for you.
Kate brings up excellent points on both compatibility and working together.
I’m marketing. The ex-fiance, he was IT. Another was an environmental engineer. Another a civil engineer. Now I’m married to an electrical engineer. The college boyfriend, we met at a summer job, but that’s different. Anyway, I don’t normally work on projects with these folks. When the husband has a proposal, I assign it to someone else. I don’t want to deal with that shit. Ooh… good story though… We were recently in a meeting together, sitting apart. After, one of the gentlemen I work a lot with asked a woman I work a lot with who I was married to. She told him it was the other guy in the room. We do a real good job of keeping it on the DL!
And EVERYTHING kate mentioned on compatibility.
I think that it depends a lot on the person and the couple (not helpful I know). Some people are happy going off and doing their personal activities with their buds and coming home to their partner. Others really want to be doing this stuff with their partners. It depends a lot on what you’re looking for and what he’s looking for and what kind of relationship you like having.
This also seems to be more of a worry after you’ve been dating for a few months than before the first date. You don’t really have a good sense for how much he camps and how important it is to him that his partner camps.
Yeah, this is why I’m saying it’s probably a fruitless crush. I accept that, much as I wish we could see where it could go. I honestly don’t know if his active sports outdoorsy stuff is something he would want to share with a partner or if he would prefer it to be his own thing he does with friends. Not something we’ve gotten into in a meeting about sales job aids, obviously. ?
Ironically, in our meeting earlier today we were talking about how we both go to Renaissance fairs and just now when I was walking past his desk I heard him talking about ren fairs with one of his direct reports. Haha.
It’ll probably be yet another one of those things where we have chemistry and mutual admiration but won’t go anywhere. It happens to me all the time. Alas.
My point was the opposite ! You should worry about whether the camping is an issue later on. It shouldn’t keep you from going on a few dates and smooching him. You shouldn’t invite problems that may not exist.
The work issue is a separate one, but it sounds like the kind of thing that is navigable if you’re careful given that you don’t really work closely.
Right, what I’m saying too is that you wouldn’t know until you tried… but I also think you should not date him if you’ll be working together.
I agree with the hesitancy because of work, but I don’t think the lifestyle difference should put you off until you have dated a little while and it becomes an issue.
One ex of mine was obsessed with training and running, and would run right after work and pass out at 7:30 pm, EVERY night. I’m a night owl. I would try to tag along sometimes and he’d just get angry that I wasn’t as fast as he was. We had no relationship after awhile.
My husband, I met through work! And he is very active, but he gave me a chance to join him, goes at my pace, etc, and it was one of the first things I loved about him. We actually submitted a mountain together as friends, and I think I fell in love with him in the midst of all the accomplishment and endorphins.
That’s sort of what I meant. I’d say life style compatibility is important. But it’s a leap to go from he likes camping and I can’t, to lifestyle compatibility. It’s possible but you don’t know for sure yet (because you are still coworkers). I guess I’m also angling it, if you see an online profile of a guy who says he likes the outdoors but doesn’t say it’s a must for a partner, would you still go out with him. And that’s ok too if you don’t think he’s compatible with you, and not nice versa!
That said you’re new to the job and I totally get not wanting to pursue this heavily!
