@Copa – that second job… listen to all of the warning signs, don’t ignore those red flags. Reality is likely much worse than “tough environment”. Interviews are like first dates, you don’t put all the crazy on the table, so if they are willing to give you that insight… it’s likely much worse.

I took a job once with a bad commute and it was miserable. This was after I had been laid off, a former co-worker got me in, and it sounded good on paper. But omg, I was trying to get from just north to just south of Boston… probably 3.5 miles? Maybe 5 tops? But it was excruciating. The highway would be absolutely jammed and Waze would send me through all these tiny back streets in Cambridge where in the winter in the dark I was terrified of hitting a cyclist or pedestrian. It regularly took 45 minutes, sometimes longer. Would never do it again. After a year we moved and I was able to take a bus instead of drive. That was way better, the bus was full of drama.

And yeah, if people are actually saying tough environment and micromanaging managers, the reality is probably hell. I would not even say that and my manager was recently under investigation by HR and is someone who was described to me before I took the job as “neurotic and controlling” by literally the nicest person I know.

That’s such bullshit, because I had a direct report struggling big time with time management and deadlines. My boss told me to go to HR (do NOT ever do that btw), and our HR business partner was like, “uh, you need to be really prescriptive, and you need to put meetings on his calendar to check in.” Like if I told him to do something I had to be super clear when it needed to be done, and proactively, myself, set up meetings to review the drafts. It’s not bullying to tell someone they need to work on their time management. If you implied they were mentally slow, or lazy due to race or something, that’s obviously harassment. Or there are other things you could say that might be mean but not harassment and might fit into a pattern of bullying or hostile workplace. But asking someone to speak up if they need more time is normal coaching, what managers are expected to do.

Happy birthday, @ktfran! I would be annoyed and my feelings hurt if a friend did that to me, too. I had something similar happen last summer and ultimately chose not to say anything. And yeah, Friday night was not great, but it was just cold and dreary… by evening, the rain/wintry mix had stopped in any case. Yesterday was worse with the temps dropping, and today is miserable temp-wise. My fingers went numb taking the dogs around the block in the morning despite wearing two pairs of gloves. I hope your sushi celebration was a blast notwithstanding.

Yes, the exact reason I did not say anything to this friend is because it was a one-time offense. And she didn’t post to social media, but when I had reached out to confirm plans with the group she said nothing either way and didn’t show (though after the no response, I was not expecting her to even though I know she had purchased a ticket to what we were planning). I decided to give some grace. If it happens again/becomes a recurring thing, I’d stop making the effort.

My gloves are thin to make picking up after dogs easier (I thought I’d be happier if I didn’t have to take my hand out of gloves entirely but now will prob wear the bf’s skiing gloves as my second pair), but all I could think about this morning was the guy I routinely see asleep outside a vacant store front. He was there as recently as Friday. It sucks to be outside even with access to appropriate winter clothes!