Yes, putting “no gifts please” or putting your registry on your actual invitation are both considered a breach of etiquette, but seriously who cares? Do what you want. Baccalieu brought it up.

Eh – I don’t know.

All I’m saying is, I didn’t want stuff, and I did everything I could to communicate that to people. It mostly worked.

I also didn’t really want, expect, or ask for money, but I also don’t think it’s more or less rude for a couple to set up a “registry” in pay-pal or something so guests can help them with a financial goal than it is to set-up a registry for household items.

And while Miss Manner’s may still think the latter is rude, most of us don’t anymore. So why not also move so we don’t view the former as rude too?

The last two weddings which we attended, which were both nieces of ours, we gave money, as did most guests. In one case that was suggested by the couple, in the other case it wasn’t. The current generation is far less into things: expensive furniture, silver, crystal, china, etc. than prior generations, both because they have less space and aren’t as into the hoarder/collector mentality. Even my generation is much less into stuff than our parents’ generation. Entertaining is far more informal. Really, we only ever used the silver and china when my wife’s family, which was very formal, came together. Dinners/parties with friends and work peers, at our home or theirs, was always far more informal and my family has always been very informal. Really, I think a dinner is more relaxed when guests don’t have to worry about breaking expensive stuff. The wedding industry is a huge industry and the registry gifts are a big part of that industry. Newly weds don’t have a great immediate sense of what they actually need and can fit into their household, if they have basically only lived with their parents, in a school dorm, or a few years in a small apartment. It seems clear that travel and other experiences are much more important to them than things, especially formal things. In my experience, the bridal couple have never been disappointed to receive cash.

@ele4phant, my guess would be because it’s coming from a tradition on outfitting a marital home. So it’s ok to say what you need for your home, but not ok to ask people to finance a vacation for you. I’m sure that’ll eventually become acceptable too, as more and more people do it and it becomes part of the tradition.

So, for me, tradition isn’t a good reason to maintain social norms. Just because it was made sense 50 years ago and we’ve been doing it since then isn’t a good reason to keep doing stuff.

I mean, I get social norms are slow to change, but I’m still going to rail against customs I find to be pointless, ’cause I guess I’m cranky like that.

No one cares! Yes, some people will side-eye your honeymoon fund or furniture fund or house down payment fund and not contribute to it. Or side eye it and contribute anyway. Plenty of others will be like, “sounds good!” Some people will give you cash. Some will give you a traditional gift they pick out. Some will not get you a gift. It’s their choice. Let them do what they want.