Boyfriend takes solo vacations often
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Thanks, everyone. He’s back in town in a few days and a talk will happen. Thank goodness I’m the younger one in this situation (just looking for positives). I have my whole life ahead of me. Carolann, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I know. I’ve never walked in a late 50s man’s shoes, but if I dug a girl for years, was now dating her and she was crazy about me, I wouldn’t want to screw it up, but that’s just me. He’s like Peter Pan. Let’s see if he chooses the fantasy world over real life.
So – I think it’s a little condescending to say he’s like Peter Pan. I mean, you know him and all (and I don’t at all), but it sounds like he’s made deliberate choices to cultivate the life he has. It is real life. It’s his real life.
It sounds like would like a more traditional relationship and life situation, which is cool. I do too, if my husband wanted able to jet around the world while I stayed put most of the time and I cultivated my career, I may not have ended up with him because we would have had different priorities and it wouldn’t work out.
Even if you don’t say it to him, if at some level you judge his life life choices as juvenile or somehow “not real life”, you’re already starting off on the wrong foot. What you want out of life isn’t superior or more adult than what he wants out of life, it’s just different. And unfortunately, incompatible.
It would be one thing if you wanted to share the jet set lifestyle with him and financially or logistically couldn’t make it work at this point in time. That might be a situation you could work it out. Maybe he would temporarily slow down for a bit until you advanced your career more. Maybe you could give up your career and rely on him more financially, if what you really wanted out of life was to travel together and have these adventures.
But, it sounds like you actually want different things.
I’m not convinced this is a real story, but if it is, what Lauren Nicole sounds is very jealous of this guy’s life style. He isn’t Peter Pan. He isn’t childlike. He has successful businesses, which he runs, and which support a lifestyle he enjoys. Travel is fun and he enjoys it. It is unfair to ask him to give it up. This is a big mismatch between him and Lauren, but it is not a function of age. Most guys his age aren’t able to live that lifestyle and support themselves. Some of the techies are able to live that lifestyle at two decades younger than Lauren’s bf.
This guy isn’t some helpless social failure. He has friends. Lauren wants to be with him. She is beginning to doubt the logistics and sacrifices involved in being with him, but she definitely enjoys his company and wants to be with him. Wants to be with him more often, in fact. If he were some sort of arrested adolescent, I doubt that would be the case.
Yeah, sounds like just not compatible in what you want out of life. Nothing earth shattering, but pretty much means MOA.
For what it’s worth, the bf’s life sounds great and fulfilling to me. Spend a little time in the FIRE community (financial independence & retire early) and it sounds a lot like their type of lifestyle, or what they’re working towards.
Ron? Wait. WHAT?! How can THIS not be real?! You do believe about my Ricky Martin past though — right?!
Skimmed this whole thing. Just wow. Are we talking to Celine Dion a la 1994? It sounds like @Lauren Nicole is in a relationship with all of the friends and family, not the LW. I would be super concerned that you learn about your BF’s feelings through his best friends. You should learn about it from your BF. His best friends should not interfere with his relationship, and they are betraying his trust. His best friends advise him so he doesn’t screw up… Who are you dating here, exactly?
If you like the fun fling, then enjoy the ride. But it is also concerning that you mention all of the women he’s dated are early 20s. He clearly likes young women (you in your teens!), and all of us get older every day. If you place your bet on him, you risk being traded in for a younger version as soon as he is done with you or there is any drama. The history here is telling.
Also with @Ron, not sure this is even real.
Hello folks, the conversation has happened. I’ll update this soon. I appreciate, so much, everyone’s great comments on here. Truly. =)
Hey there, the boyfriend returned from his trip and I’m not sure what came over me, but I got all my thoughts down on paper. Bout time to confront this elephant in the room which is “what is the point of our relationship? and, “are we working toward something?” We each put checkmarks in every box for what each of us are looking for; we discussed that, and agree. We agreed that this was an awesome thing. The letter forced us to chat, and we liked that.
And the letter I wrote him are the sweetest words ever said. It was epic — how much he means to me, how much this means to me, how much I value him in my life and always have, our individual strengths, I don’t want to change him, but be his cheerleader (i do mean it), and how I just wanted to “press pause” and gage what our thoughts were, etc. In the letter I said that if it’s not safe for me to feel this way about him, I hope he would let me know and I would walk away. I don’t want him to alter his travel schedule, just to send a text each day to check in. Easy. Truly, just from the heart, kind and a quick check-in. It was well received. I mean? Who wouldn’t want a sweet letter? Lots of humor, fun ideas… And in person I stated that as long as we have open hearts and are working towards the same goal, then we are on the same page. He agreed completely.
Mr. Bachelor isn’t scared by what I said, but he’s also not going to be adjusting his schedule anytime soon. He’s going to travel, said he may still forget to text on certain days. He’s open to possibilities but “isn’t there yet” and thinking about longtime futures. “I don’t have anything on my calendar past April.” He said he had “the best year of his life” with me last year and he wishes he “wasn’t this way” and stubborn sometimes, because “I am everything. I am perfect for him in every way.” We might be married someday…
But, as for now, my takeaways are that I pretty much boldly and sweetly said, “you are important to me. I make time for what’s important. You are everything” and he said epic things, but isn’t fighting for me the way I’d hoped (just as we all suspected).
Fun times. I told him that if I walk away and take a step back that I wouldn’t want to see him or his friends. His response? “Oh, I’d be devastated. Are you serous?”
Big boy might need to find out…
Sorry for typos on previous post. Quick typing. Have a great day. Thanks for all your help, Internet peeps.
Hmmm. You wrote him a letter telling him how awesome and amazing he is and how you don’t want to change anything about him except that he text you once a day. Is that *truly* (heh) authentic and honest? It still sounds to me like he’s holding all the cards and the power dynamic is waaay in his favor. You had to write an ass-kissing letter because you didn’t feel you could initiate an authentic and natural conversation. You didn’t ask for what you told us on this thread you actually want, which is less travel and more time with you. And he didn’t even agree to the one tiny thing you did ask! He said he may not be able to text you every day. He also said (after a year) that he’s “not there yet” in terms of seeing a future with you.
I think your instinct toward the end of your post is correct. This isn’t great. Like pretty much everyone said, he’s quite casual about this whole thing, and you’re taking it a lot more seriously than he is. Time to step back. After decades of friendship and a year of dating, and his track record, if he’s “not there yet,” it’s unlikely he ever will be.
