Boyfriend takes solo vacations often
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Two other thoughts:
1- walking a tightrope is the opposite of easy.
2- you don’t sleep over when he’s in town?
You guys, hope you are all having an awesome day. You rock. This is quite helpful. Him seeming conflicted, makes me conflicted. Just a lot at stake here, so trying to just let everything sink in.
Agree, and, of course, we have had many, many (thousands?) of deep chats together but never really on the topic of “US.” Fighting for me would entail simply texting me each day while gone and telling me verbally that he sees working towards a future — whatever that may entail (marriage, long-term commitment, etc.)
He told me he doesn’t plan things out too far (April?), but went on and on about how devastated he would be if I weren’t in his life. “You are my life. We’ve done everything together.”
I think he wants the best of both worlds — live alone, travel, amazing dinners and fun things with me. If he can’t commit to texting each day while away, well, that’s where we are.
This is where it’s tricky for me. I see all this, hear what ya’ll are saying, etc., and just am delicate about the whole thing because I genuinely love him. It’s not a weird infatuation. I have cared for him, in many different ways, for two decades. Hard to turn that off.
I think you have your answer. He’s *not* willing to text every day or make any kind of commitment… but he likes having you around. I get wanting to give him a little more time, but if all you want is texting and a commitment, and he won’t give you that little bit, then you’re not a match. You’re friends.
Whatever it takes to help you sleep at night.
Good luck with that.You aren’t getting what you want, and seem fine with enjoying the terms he gives you. Enjoy!
Essie, love it! I laughed. You guys, I totally get everything you are saying. I see it all and I have the best sense of humor — it’s what I do for a living. But, I’m actually legit in this. It’s wild. Want to plan my next steps, whatever they may be. I know “Anonymousse,” when you read this it totally sounds that way. If this was some random Tinder dude, I would get it. This is the dude who has been coming to my family holidays for decades and me to his. I know it’s super weird, but it is what it is. I hang with his family all the time without him. He has hung with mine. I think what I gathered from his chat — truly — was telling when he said, “I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I didn’t have such a tough shell. You are so important to me. It’s unbelievable.” He is stubborn as all hell, which is great in a business setting, but when you’ve been single for SO LONG and are dating someone who actually knows all your weird little habits and entire circle, etc., makes it really raw. He was almost telling me that he wishes he could change. “Don’t give up on me just yet.”
He’s not going to change for you. That’s what he was saying to you, implicitly and explicitly.
Who cares about his history with your family? Isn’t he probably your father’s buddy? He’s 23 years older than you.
Not a match. None of your other incidental information makes up for he is not going to give you what you want.I think the fact that he HAS this history with you yet won’t commit to a future is like the most problematic part, tbh.
“Anonymousse,” high-five. Just taking it all in. In some ways, (emotions aside), it would be fascinating to see what he would do if I simply walked away. One option: he books another trip and keeps on rollin’.
Not my dad’s buddy, but I see what you are saying. This is kind of fascinating. He just invited me to the coast for a day. I declined. HA HA HA!
Maybe stop bluffing and playing games and walking tightropes and see what he actually does when you say, ok, you can’t give me what I need, goodbye. And walk away.
