Difficult situation
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Hey Anita,
Thanks for the useful reply!
Since i posted this, ive been thinking a lot on how to handle this. What you said is actually the most logical and honest thing to do, considering how i myself feel about this. I can only be myself and really don’t like to play games, so that’s what I will do. Problem is, it won’t be easy to meet up again, because of various reasons other than our situation. So i’m again a bit conflicted in wether i should just give her a call or not. Maybe that won’t have the same effect as talking face to face.Assuming things is probably the worst part in a situation like this. I know clarity will calm my thoughts and make it easier to move on.
Noooooooo! Don’t take the one piece of terrible advice. Listen to the other twenty people who gave you nearly identical good advice.
This is a joke, right?
When a woman tells you she’s not interested, and doesn’t feel a spark, you leave her alone. Move on. She doesn’t owe you any further explanation or “honesty.” She’s told you she is not into you.
If you proceed with this, you will be labeled a creep and will be the receiver of a restraining order or two.
Fuck.
Hey Kate,
Worth noting is the interest WAS there. Which is exactly why i feel a bit frustrated with the way she’s suddenly lost interest entirely. There was something in the way each time. No condom, no pill/on period, food poisoning (twice!), too drunk to get it done,… “Don’t worry about it, next time we’ll do it”. It’s not that she had no interest, it’s that she lost it, or rather that i lost her interest. And i was actually okay with not having it, i am not pushy at all. She initiated it most times. My thoughts about this are consuming me, yet i still am conflicted in asking for more clarification. She’s good-hearted, and will probably understand. In any case, it would make the situation so that it’d either improve or stop completely.
If anything, id be labeled sad and confused. Clarity is useful to stop making assumptions and get some mental rest in order to move on. I can not live with uncertainty. Also, a restraining order is very extreme, calm down. It’s just talking.
I’m with you, Hans, there was initial interest, but it’s gone. Asking for honesty is, honestly, rude. For one, she’s already BEEN honest enough with you, that she doesn’t feel anything for you. That’s more than a sufficient explanation, so asking her for honesty that she’s already given you takes away from the fact that she was good and up-front about it already. It also puts her in an awkward spot of having to make up more shit to salve your feelings, when it’s just that she’s not into you. It’s unfair, pushy, and, again, rude.
Kate, that’s the thing. I have a lot of unprocessed childhood trauma’s, lots of self confidence issues. Thinking about why it is like that simply is not good for my mental well being. I have been held in the grey zone before by another girl and litterally had a depression follow up. That’s what makes it more difficult for me when she describes me like a gift from god to her, and that it’s simply her not looking for a (any) relationship. Also since i know she has contact with another guy. I said to her: then tell him you’re not looking for anything serious either then, her response made it clear she wasn’t being truthful with what she said before. I agree that asking for honesty comes over as pushy, which is why i’m so conflicted in doing it. I just want to hear it clear, straight. That way i know what about me made her miss the spark, because that is how i improve myself. That is the way i have always improved myself, by feedback. Maybe i don’t have the strength to say “fuck it” and grow stronger out of it by myself. While i know i’m a catch to girls, there is something missing each and every time, i even lost count. Now that makes you think. This situation is more complicated than a frustrated boy not able to handle rejection.
