Difficult situation
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I hate to break it to you hhans, but not everything in life will be made clear to you. You’re going to have to learn to live with a little ambiguity. If that’s impossible, seek therapy.
People say and do things all the time and then change their mind. She told you no in a polite way. That’s all you need to know.
“Also since i know she has contact with another guy. I said to her: then tell him you’re not looking for anything serious either then, her response made it clear she wasn’t being truthful with what she said before.”
Ooooh, that is really crossing a line. Don’t do that. That was bad.
She was really clear with you, and you’re not being fair to her.
Do what you feel you must, but it’s disrespectful, counterproductive, impolite, selfish, etc.
So yeah, i’m fully aware of the fact that i’m not able to handle a situation like this, which is why im on here. I know i got rejected and i don’t expect anything of her. My guess is i showed too much interest, which scared her away. I know, because ive been on the other side as well. Only because it’s the so manieth time, it’s eating me.
You actually just gave me the heebie-jeebies, like chills up the spine, with that, “then tell him you don’t anything serious” remark. Truly. I’m seeing the problem here. That was… no.
I’m out.
And please don’t get me wrong, i appreciate all your comments on here. There’s just more going on to me than just ‘this’ situation. It’s a very deep problem to me that i have had many times before. But before it was easier to deal with, because it mostly ended in drama, so i could simply be frustrated and angry with them. I’m in no way skilled in handling these things, so i may have said the wrong things and missed out on saying the good things. If only i would know what those things are, preferrably from someone whose a bit open about it. And won’t you agree that she saying we would still go do things, i could still sleep over, that she wants to come to my place and visit my hometown does not help in any way? That’s not even trying to be clear? After the ‘break-up’ she invited me to a party at her uni and offered me to sleep over? I couldn’t make it that day, but it sure as hell is confusing!
But yeah, you’re probably right saying i should leave it, like 90% of you are saying here 🙂
This is why i came here, really.Kate, she literally told me “I was never looking for a relationship, because im free and do what i want. And i won’t be in next next month, two, or three months.”
Guys are generally bad at taking signals and hints. So when she followed up with the part about that guy, it seemed like a very, very, very logical answer, really. Tell me you’re not looking for anything serious for months to come, but you are seeing another dude, then i will say, tell him the same thing then, so he knows what not to expect? :/Maybe i’m oblivious. And actually by seeing all of your comments, and trying to ‘defend’ my statements makes me look at them differently. If i’m left with my own thoughts, nothing good comes from it. I need to be able to talk about it and receive feedback in order to learn, so i can handle (or rather cope with) this situation the best way. So maybe it is better doing this than going to her for answers. I’m still 100% positive that i’d still like to have her as a friend, just not for the moment.
But really, all of you going on about ‘creepiness’ and restraining orders can fuck right off.
Look, Kate, you seem like a very judgemental woman. I’m young, have difficulties with finding love, myself and whatnot. Made mistakes. Don’t know the perfect things to say in difficult situations and am feeling very blue. What would you have called our ‘thing’ then if not dating?
